Yakoob on 6/12/2009 at 22:57
I have shared a movie I had made before on this forum, which received less-than-stellar reviews. So lets do a second round, this time with a (hopefully) much better product!
(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuguERj7V_s)
Enjoy!
Enchantermon on 6/12/2009 at 23:40
"I know it's watching me!" :)
That was good for a chuckle. I don't think I saw your last one so I can't compare the two, but the acting was great. The cheering sound was a little strange as it didn't really fit the crowd that was shown.
Well done, especially for an amateur production. Give 'em all a high-five from me. :thumb:
Fingernail on 6/12/2009 at 23:56
Hey, not bad. A bit of the editing lets it down towards the start of the imagined conflicts, the chess shots linger a bit too long rather than being snappy, if you know what I mean, and perhaps could've used some creative linking between shots to make it clear it's imaginary, even wipes or something. I dunno. There were just a couple of lines there that didn't flow in terms of comic timing, and I think it was the editing to blame as I say.
Tonamel on 7/12/2009 at 01:39
Quote Posted by Fingernail
could've used some creative linking between shots to make it clear it's imaginary, even wipes or something.
This. I was pretty confused for a second when they were playing chess all of a sudden. I think it could have really worked if you had the conversations happening in both scenes, especially the chess one. Which to say: he suggests chess in the hallway; She responds as they're both at the table; He gives his next line at the table; She says it will take too long back in the hallway.
As with most amateur productions, the pacing is too slow, and really dragged in parts. It's four and a half minutes long, but it could probably have been thirty seconds... maybe as much as a minute shorter.
That said, I think it's a pretty big improvement over your last one, and I look forward to the next!
Stitch on 7/12/2009 at 04:24
Well, first off: congrats! You've assembled a watchable little film that is light years ahead of your last one. You get a lot of the basics right, like quality of sound and the 180 degree rule--things that most people aren't really aware of until they're tragically missing. Generally speaking, this movie is good enough that we can actually get into what does and doesn't work on a higher level.
There are a few minor issues that should be cleaned up in future films, though: the lighting is sometimes dim, and you tend to get a little in over your head when it comes to creative shots and cuts. Your mid-sentence cuts are a bit jarring, and some weird moments cause confusion (like the last bit in which the handle to the door seems to rise, vibrating, out of the ground). But still, it's all well presented and you obviously know what you're doing to some degree.
Echoing what was said above, there are some serious pacing issues and this thing needs to be a lot snappier (although each successive impasse resolution scenario is handled increasingly better). Also, I really have no idea what is going on with the punchline of the entire piece--it's pretty obvious they're about to throw down over another impasse, but over a closed door? I'm not entirely sure what's going on here.
As for the story itself, it's cute but could use a bit more. Is it supposed to be funny? If so maybe have them keep escalating with increasingly ludicrous impasse resolutions, each presented and dismissed more rapidly than the previous, so we reach a truly dizzying height of lunacy before the plug is pulled by their restless friends. I like the idea the two build themselves into such a fervor that they alienate their friends and become unexpectedly connected, but to what end? I'd probably push the sexual tension angle and after they watch their friends abandon them they suddenly fall passionately into each other's arms, only to suddenly find themselves at a trivial sex-related impasse.
Also: from a pacing standpoint, the entire coin toss bit takes too long, keeping it short and abrupt would better mirror the impatience of the friends.
Having said all that, you've produced a solid little film and you should be proud. Most of its faults could be cleared up with a little editing, and I'm curious what's next.
Scots Taffer on 7/12/2009 at 05:00
Echo the comments regarding the editing/pacing/point of the whole thing:
* We're bordering on 16 seconds of them walking to the video room and we feel every step of it because the guy's dialogue/demeanour is fucking annoying and he sounds like a douchebag who I would never want to watch a movie with - a suggestion, how about in a dorm room or whatever, "movie night!"/"my call!"/"MASH."/"Cool." and then they're off walking for a second or so, then CUT TO...
* Not too sure about the robot voices they suddenly turn on, I get that they are supposed to be icy with each other but the voices sound really forced really quickly
* Not too sure about the gangs being motionless mannequins for most of it either
* Many shots linger too long, try and get those quick cuts down to like a second or less if there's no dialogue and cut at soon as the dialogue is finished or get smarter about these scenes in general
* The "fantasy" impasse scene transitions need to be clearer but I'm struggling to think of how you could do it without lifting wholesale from JD in Scrubs with a "I wonder how we could settle this..." and then a wipe
* Totally missed a rock-paper-scissors gag :p
* I don't think the coin toss scene needs much except maybe the whole group pushing past with the DVD in one motion rather than one by one, and again, speed it up after that
* What the fuck is going on with that trembling door shot
* What the fuck is going on in the final scene with those two, period
Other than that, good work! I liked the middle section.
Oh tags, what old meme won't you dredge!
Kolya on 7/12/2009 at 05:34
When the hands touched on the door handle I totally expected them to tear each other's clothes off. Probably not a good idea to try that with amateur actors, but still.
Enchantermon on 7/12/2009 at 05:48
Quote Posted by Stitch
Also, I really have no idea what is going on with the punchline of the entire piece--it's pretty obvious they're about to throw down over another impasse, but over a closed door? I'm not entirely sure what's going on here.
Since they both grabbed the handle at the same time, the impasse is who is going to get to go through the door first.
Quote Posted by Kolya
When the hands touched on the door handle I totally expected them to tear each other's clothes off. Probably not a good idea to try that with amateur actors, but still.
I expected something like that as well, actually.
Fafhrd on 7/12/2009 at 06:00
I find the entire premise ridiculous. Everybody knows that in a M.A.S.H. vs. Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory contest, M.A.S.H. takes priority. ESPECIALLY if it's two gangs of pretentious film students.
And you totally should have worked in a Seventh Seal reference during the chess fantasy. Switch to black and white and put the girl in a black hoodie or something.
Muzman on 7/12/2009 at 06:19
I had a good chuckle. Mostly because its the inevitable screen student in-joke movie. The outtakes, the ludicrously inclusive credits. It all takes me back.
Cute. Could use some more pizazz, as mentioned. Also, be wary of using music with higher production values than the rest of the show (even though it's not that prominent in this case really)
Definite improvement. Next time try getting some actual actors. It's a worthwhile exercise.
