jimjack on 26/8/2006 at 18:30
I need a bit of advice because I am surely not ready to be face to face with anyone at this point to be discussing this. Not until I get a good psychoanalyst or something...
At this point in my life the only thing I should be battling is puberty and when I can learn to drive and when and if I can at least fumble around with a girl yet. I'm relying on adults to direct my fate. But currently I'm not too comfortable with this not because I'm whining about curfews and house rules, because no one seems certain as to what to do with me other than shuffling me back and forth across the pond to remove me from circrumstances and environment. I've not really gotten any news or advice that could clear things up. Actually this is only the second time here in Canada with my uncle but who knows where I'm to actually end up. Here to live permanently under the care of relatives or back home to who knows what. So with a bit of uncertainty here, what do I do that won't stop me from enjoying or at least accepting my current life today? I have nothing to complain about in how things are going in as far as my needs. Without this change I would likely have gone a self destructive direction especially if I don't change cooperatively. There have been some resentment, loads of ill will and indignation i guess on my part from some unresolved situations. My confrontation haven't brought any solutions only hostilitye and nothing is putting things in order currently. You'll not be with me on this so far..
This is my sixteenth year, Ill be near the same age as my mum when I came along in her world. We did get two years of support from my grandparents (her folk) and then she found us some housing for herself. I believe she looked forward to getting away from the good intentions but otherwise constricting help from grandparents but I gathered (later) she resented this halt or at least hinderance to her teen years. I know I couldn't manage raising a kid at this age..your only a kid yourself and at this stage there are matters of getting out of the hands of your parents. I think she went blue in the face raising me.
I don't resent this fact actually. But you get older and you face up to some responsibilities. In the meantime I came to see that most kids around me had some normalicy in their homes whether raised by one parent or both, because our gaff was a house of wasters, hanger-ons and other kids finding a place to crowd to without parents putting an end to it. Bit embarrasing when your at a certain age. Then come along the boyfriends. So you get an idea of my unique upbringing. Kind of unhelpful to be thought of as of being in the way of certain activites of them and trusting my mum's decisions was getting difficult. I've tried to put a bit of trust in her partners but I dont think that was respected in turn. The recent association with a current boyfriendbrought on an all out physical effort to batter in his snide mouth and an almost successful attempt to sprawl him on the decks one morning over breakfast. Resulting in a lap of hot tea on his part (yes!) , a hysterical mum and me knowing he knew this was going to happen. He made some speculation about some identity of who was in part to bring me into the whole equation. And all this earned me a trip to Canada while things might get sorted out over back home.
So I'm just contemplating what I'm doing now to take some steps to
1. Forming my future. Do I stick it out here or do I try and overcome this sick
like urge to go back.
2.what does it mean to be a bit more in control of life? Am I at an age that I
can do this? Who would I talk to about this professionally.
3. Ultimately..what do other people find helpful in relating to people, events
and mostly resolving past issues. Besides talk to pple in your family..not ready to and I havent made friends yet here not that I would tell them this.
4. Am I just being a self indulgent whiner who should not have even
considered relating all this to a forum of what I initially came to for stricltly
playing thief, because Im far to new in the game here to be spilling out my
teenage angst.
ttlg should have a personal help forum saving others from this ;)
Gingerbread Man on 26/8/2006 at 19:21
Stay in Canada. For various reasons, not the least of which is that you'll have a far easier time getting your perspective back on track.
What's the deal with your schooling at this point?
Meet some people, make some friends.
But basically my point is that Vancouver's a nice place to be and it sounds like you could do far worse than sticking it out there. Especially when the alternative sounds like something you shouldn't be expected to put up with at this point. Being 16 is hard enough on its own.
jimjack on 26/8/2006 at 19:52
This is the voice of reason I need. I hope that it is one that others involved in this mess will see as well. I think once my head is in order about all this, I can have a say rather than wait for things getting ugly. It's just the not knowing thats doing my head in. At least I've got this off my chest.
She may counter all of this as I'm not of an age to request the right to leave home and she might well be furious with this whole arrangement with me being taken completely out of the country. If she takes this to a court am I to be going back to request my rights to leave home and will it be dragging everyone else into it. Bad business this.
As far as school I messed that up a bit. I'll be finishing up here. There are some programmes for school leavers. After that there is rumblings that I could take up a trade with my Uncle, that would be welding, which I'm completely cluesless about.
Being a bit of a loner by choice, I think it would be good to get out ..I've got raging hormones on top of it all..would be good to meet a girl..a stable one at that.
Thanks. Vancouver gubbs me..its awesome here.
TJKeranen on 26/8/2006 at 20:15
Wohoo, drunken post on a thread like this can not lead into anything good~
But if you bear my feeble state of mind in mind:
I'm 25. I'm now in process of turning my life into something that could carry me through to my death in unforseen future. My first blurred thought after reading you post: school now, it is the key for many things. I'm a shy person and had helluva time trying to score with gals in your age. It's impossible to accomplish, but I still say: don't listen to the hormones (too much). Even I've had my share of those beautiful, wonderful creatures that are the women of our species, but most of that has happened in the recent years, post-20, and 's only getting better these days.
waa, your questions, I have no idea, too blurry to read them out~
But school is good, don't give up on it; or if it's not your thing, get a nice trade, no idea about welding. Something like that gives you future, gives you self-confidence. Chicks dig that. You will dig that. Canada seems like a great place, reminds me of Finland. :thumb:
ps. I'm out of beer, fuck.
littlek on 26/8/2006 at 21:04
The fact that you have posted this and have been thinking about your future is a step in the right direction. Don't give up on yourself. You are going to have to focus entirely on yourself at this point in your life. I don't quite understand what it is you did with school but put that behind you and refocus on your academics. Get involved in what school has to offer such as sports or whatever interests you but above all - get those grades. What this shows is that you are willing to meet challenges and overcome them in a positive and productive way. And you will get to know the faculty. They come across all sorts of opportunities for students and you will want them to think of you when these programs come across their desks. There is a lot of help out there in terms of loans for colleges and you are just what they are looking for. So don't blow it by not getting the grades and by the way you write I know you have the intellect to do well.
At 16 you should only have to worry about grades, girls and having fun. I am so sorry that your life was not that simple. But you have an entire future ahead of you and so talk to an adult at school, a youth organization or whatever they have in Canada. I can only speak for the USA but many private schools offer full scholarships for bright students who just need a break. But you have to get those grades first.
Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.
zifnab on 26/8/2006 at 21:06
My two (Canadian) cents:
Stay in school, learn what you can and as much of it as possibly. This is important because you'll never be getting these sort of chances again. I say work hard because if you get a good enough foundation then the rest of your life can work off of that. Plan as much in the long term as you can, but don't be surprised if things keep changing.
Vigil on 26/8/2006 at 21:24
Man, I have to say this is the most coherent self-analysis I've read for quite a while. Well done for already having a good perspective on what you've gone through... and this is far from self-indulgent whining.
That said I can't really give much advice on top of what GBM and Drunken TJ and others have said. Regarding getting more control over your life though - when I was 16 I resented and rebelled against people organising my life for me, and figured I was intelligent and mature enough to make decisions about my life. In my case, I happened to be dead wrong. People do grow up at different rates and are able to handle adult responsibilities at different ages though; and for you, growing up in that environment and then being thrust into completely different situations probably means you've had to do a whole lot more growing up than most other 16-year-olds.
But. While you may be up to managing more control over your life, you're likely not ready for it (who the hell ever is?) and you would likely regret pursuing it and receiving it. Do involve yourself as much as you can in decisions about your current situation (it isn't fair on you otherwise), but make the most of your current situation as well - and be sure to listen to and respect those whose lives are affected by it. The time will come soon enough when you're expected to stand on your own two feet.
By the way: for better or worse, Commchat is the place for threads like this. We've helped plenty of people self-destruct in public, we're used to it ;)
RavynousHunter on 26/8/2006 at 21:46
wow, the first post ive ever read in commchat, can you believe it.
heres my two cents:
I agree with most of the others, hold up in Canada, it seems as though youd be a lot better off. Also, im 16 as well (well, almost 17, but who cares), and it can be a difficult time. My advice is that you should keep a calm, rational mind about you. Try not to listen to your hormones, theyll get you in a heap of trouble, trust me, i tried once, it did not work at all. Find out what you love, pursue it, and make a career out of it. Example: I love programming, I also love games, so im going to try and go into the buisness of game programming, so i end up having a job i actually love. (and doesnt have bad pay either :sly: ) In the end, it all boils down to what you want out of life. If you want to simply live an "average" life, then do it, if you want to be a billionare lawyer, work hard, goto a good law school, and get a good job.
At the end of the day, its all about you. :thumb:
jimjack on 26/8/2006 at 23:27
Oh man I'm floored here..I really appreciate the advice you have all given me and the time you've all taken to read through all that. That is going above and beyond! I get a clearer view on what I'm facing here and how to deal with all this. At least a saner one. It is just all coming at me in different directions if that makes any sense. TJKeranen as steamed as you be, you made a sound point:thumb: particularly about the females but its not easy to not listen to the hormones..brutal! Your probably out getting more bevy though.
Going back to school will be a priority. I won't like it much but I did alright when I applied myself. I know that has to be reckoned with. Eventually but hoping for sooner I'll have to face other matters to get some sense out of the elders and their annoying way of dodging about me..but for now I have to keep my emotions in check as I'm likely to not be as coherent as I've managed to write all this. So I'm glad I could turn here. You've given me a huge lift in my state of mind. I'm less likely to be brooding about it over select tracks of bad music.
Thanks again for all your advice, it has helped to sort out where to start.
theBlackman on 26/8/2006 at 23:47
It's been said before, but I'll be redundant: "Knowledge is power."
School is where it's at. At the very least, if you apply yourself, you will learn where to find the information you will need at various periods of your life to be.
Be able to read, to think about what you read and then use the information is one of the most important things you should learn.
Rote is the way most schooling is going at the moment, but the ability to apply, to life and needs, the crap drummed into you is going to be your most important asset in the future.
Don't believe everything your hear, or read, but don't disbelieve it either. Consider it and counter arguments and then make up your own mind.
You have taken the first step (bravely) by laying out your basic concerns and the reasons here. If you face life, with all the ups and downs, as well you will be a person of discernment and value later on.
Good luck and learn a little bit about everything you can. :thumb:
You will always have choices. The hardest part of living is to recognize that YOU made the choice and the consequences are of your own divising. If you screw up, and you will, just move on. Yesterday is, you can't change it but you can learn not to repeat it.
