jimjack on 28/7/2009 at 19:34
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Still, I've harboured this dream of going to Lisbon for a long time, to see what the place is like, to taste the air, to find out more about the family and feel its history seep into my bones by wandering the streets.
I know! If anything it would prove to be a trip of a lifetime.
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And if you do decide to go through with the plan after that, try not to carry the weight of idealistic expectation along with you.
I have the most daft and unrealistic scenarios going on in my head. Including the prospect of playing major league football in Portugal/Spain with a few paternal strings pulled.. in addition to the image of kicking the ball back and forth on some beach in Portugal while bantering on about father/son stuff. Just the stuff I used to think on way back. I'm also thinking there could be a chance that he is one of those guys that hang outside one of those little Portugese pub watching the world go by and with noone to share his wisdom with.
Holy crap I could even have siblings ...yes a bit of an overload here. I do need some time to chill.
Kolya on 28/7/2009 at 19:50
We could find him for you and beat him up!! :mad:
The Alchemist on 28/7/2009 at 20:55
Sigh, I hope you're ok with disappointment because this is very possibly the only thing you will get out of this.
I too lived estranged from my mother and father, I have siblings that sometimes forget my name, and despite my attempts, they do not see me as a brother. They are young though, and spiteful of my absence in their lives, I expect them to come around when they are older. It didn't get any easier, when I established a relationship with them, or my mother. Or my father.
It's tough man but good luck. Family is supposed to be the tightest nit, I know the feeling believe me.
Chade on 28/7/2009 at 21:42
Best of luck, jimjack. I wouldn't rush out and try to find your father immediately. Wait untill the feelings have died down a bit and then decide. On the other hand, you'll probably only get more settled as you grow older ... so don't wait too long!
Just be carefull, man, and prepare for possible dissapointment. Remember that your father has moved on with his life, and might not have any room for another son. He probably has his own family now, and they might not look too kindly on a half-brother suddenly appearing out of nowhere (on the other hand, they might welcome you with open arms!). You just don't know ...
jimjack on 28/7/2009 at 22:05
Turtle.. Thanks..I wouldn't have known where to start but that seems the best direction..so many names. I Appreciate that.
Quote Posted by Kolya
We could find him for you and beat him up!! :mad:
Steady..he wouldn't know what hit him the hardest!
Thanks everyone for the support.
DaBeast on 29/7/2009 at 00:28
If you track him down you'll probably give him a heart attack.
I don't think I'd be all that ecstatic over finding out that stuff, but I'm a miserable bastard.
Tocky on 29/7/2009 at 04:50
I must be a different kind of bastard because I would be stoked. But life is like a box of chocolates and some of them you have to spit out and gargle to get the taste out of your mouth. The way I see it (and all life) is nothing ventured nothing gained. I hope for your sake he is the most magnificent bastard you've ever met. IF you find him. Be prepared for that disappointment too.
If genes have anything to do with personality I can't imagine he would be too bad a guy. And if nothing else the search will put you in touch with your history and people. Knowing that makes you feel as if you are the tip of a tall tree instead of just a leaf in the wind. Good luck peckerhead.
Kolya on 29/7/2009 at 07:01
Write to him first, include a picture. Give him some time to get used to the thought. Try not to think of him as your father too much. Your chance is not to re-create a father+son relationship, that both of you never had. But you might win a friend. Good luck.
TBE on 29/7/2009 at 07:22
My oldest brother (half brother) was kind of in your shoes. He had a different father than the rest of us, and my mom didn't tell him til he was about 17 or something. She had a picture, and the name of the guy and the city where they met in Europe. That's all she knew. I guess to a woman this could be a huge secret they don't want to let out or something. Mom doesn't want you to think she's a slut or something.
Anyway, my brother searched for a few years in the phone books, and called around. No luck. He had contacted one person, and they suggested he go on a television show in Germany to put out the search for this dude. It was kind of an Oprah Winfrey talk show sort of thing. I guess the person worked as a producer or something.
So he goes onto the television show, and tells his story. They put the picture of my brother and his father side by side. They were about the same ages in the pictures, and the resemblance was uncanny. A few weeks later, my brother's half sister in Germany calls the tv show, and they then contact my brother. He went back on the tv show, met his father, and they've been corresponding and visiting each other ever since like 1996.
It was good for my brother to find his real father. He seems a changed person now. He always had this "wall" or something towards the rest of us brothers and sisters. He seems more at peace with the world knowing his real father.
I'd say it will be good if it turns out like this for you. Your real father may be someone you can be friends with the rest of your life. You will need to take it slow at first, as I know I wouldn't want a surprise kid out of the blue. But I'd embrace it eventually.
