jimjack on 28/7/2009 at 17:56
I just got to share this, I've been announcing it and everyone is being all cautious and waiting for me to have an emotional outburst of some kind..I recently got a bomb dropped on me. Couple of weeks ago but it's been a mix of emotions for me and I haven't applied any of them.
I haven't maintained much if any contact with my mum in the past two years.She's in Scotland. Until I graduated, and then I got a tentative email from her. Just a congrats and all and a bit of sadness over my choice to stay in Canada since then we have maintained the most minimal of communication.I have since obtained a Canadian citizenship ftw and that might have compelled her to finally bring up something that has always been on the back of my mind but mostly just subconsciously now. I gave up years ago pushing her for it. Now after almost nineteen years she tells me about my dad. holy shit and all...I think this her attempt to keep me in contact. Considering it used to be a source of some huge arguments when I hounded her for that back when I was between the ages of ten and fourteen. And then it just kind of didn't become an issue.
She met him at some festival featuring bands in Edinburgh. I don't think it was the one they have or had in September.. They saw each other for about a week and then they parted ways and never kept in touch. What I always figured..I am a product of a torrid series of drunken one nighters. I thanked her for sharing that.
Here's abit of what I got from her..He's from Portugal. He played semi pro football team called Atletico Clube de Portuga because the entire team was there for her to choose from. Which is likely why I have my passion for soccer..His name is Hierto or Hector. No last name b/c it just wasn't required then..He was 19, she was 17. And he probably is not much taller than 5'7 (considering thats my stature..and likely carried a type 1 gene..She never contacted him obviously after finding out I was on my way. In fact she kept all that information to herself. My grandparents just found out as well and have been constantly asking me of my feeling about all this. And Im not sure what they are except that she bloody kept all this from me for all this time. I can almost understand why considering the conception and all.
On the other hand.....I want to go on a Quest to Portugal to Track him down, based on where he played soccer and his name..I'm sure it can be done. I wonder what his reaction would be. Anyway thats just me sharing that. And I still haven't come to terms with how I am to feel about this.
and yet...and just for lulz you guys...what would you do if you suddenly found out you had a whelp conceived nineteen yrs ago from someone you wouldn't be able to recall, would you start a trust fund and commence an awkward new relationship.
LesserFollies on 28/7/2009 at 18:09
Wow, that's huge, really. Your mom probably just wanted to wait until you were older and wiser to share that information with you. It's a lot to think about. I'd maybe hold off on the full-scale search for him, though, til I'd talked to her about the whole situation a little more. Do stay in touch with your mom, unless there's some compelling reason not to... you won't regret it later in life.
Koki on 28/7/2009 at 18:18
A bomb!
jimjack on 28/7/2009 at 18:19
I think that is exactly what she was thinking on. But for now both of us need to sit back and take a bit of time to let it all sink in. I knew it wasn't easy for her to tell me and I'm sure she might have expected a different kind of reaction as opposed to me trying to say something other than .."well thanks for that mum...I'm not sure what to ...*awkward and then she starts to cry and my uncle took the phone after that and thanked her for her courage. I think I went thereafter to grease the bearing on my skateboard while everyone walked on eggshells. I haven't replied back to mum yet. I figured I'd act the child and give her a bit of her holding back tactic. I'm not ready to have a sit down heart to heart and get all weepy about the past and all.
I haven't let anyone in on my thoughts of contacting him. But I think with the money I have saved and the resources that I can apply I might just do this sooner then maybe I should. I mean I'm dying to know more about him. Maybe he's in the Major leagues although I have yet to unearth any Hectors.
but yes this is big and exciting! KABOOM
SubJeff on 28/7/2009 at 18:58
Well I wish you all the luck in the world with this. This is potentially life changing, in a positive way, for both you and him. However, a word of caution; I don't know how I'd feel if I discovered I had a son by some one of my teenage flings. I've changed alot over the years and my circumstances have changed and it would be potentially very problematic. I just don't know how happy I'd be so bear that in mind before you make the step. Good luck with it whatever you decide.
june gloom on 28/7/2009 at 19:08
Wow. That's always a stunner. Good luck in your endeavors.
Renzatic on 28/7/2009 at 19:18
Thus far, you've handled yourself quite maturely, and I'm sure whatever you decide, it'll turn out for the best. Still, a good luck and a well wish never hurt anybody, so...good luck and have fun. :)
jimjack on 28/7/2009 at 19:20
Thanks everyone. I'll take the advice to heart. I have to talk to the rest of the family about this without all the sidestepping. I'm thinking they are seeing me as brooding over it. It's just my way though. And Im sure they will be giving me the same precautions. From his point of view I'm sure he might be a little stunned to say the least.
Darth Vader: No. I am your father.
Luke Skywalker: No...that's not true! That's impossible!
Darth Vader: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.
Luke Skywalker: NOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO!
— Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back :thumb:
Adam Nuhfer on 28/7/2009 at 19:23
Without going into a lot of past family drama and soap opera fodder I'll suffice to say I got to meet my Aunt Ruthie for the first time in June of 2008. She was 97 years old and passed away November 2008 at 98 years of age.
Meeting her for the first time and several subsequent visits were priceless. I cherish those few visits but would have loved to known about her existence way back when.
It's comes down to what you wish to do as every ones experiences are unique.
I'll just finish with this.
Once the present becomes the past, regret will not issue a refund.
Sulphur on 28/7/2009 at 19:24
Shit, I wouldn't know how or what to feel in your situation either. I'd say wait until the shock of the moment wears off and talk to your mum about it when you feel like it's settled down a bit, if you can, before making any decisions.
My dad's side of the family is Portuguese, which always intrigued me because my gramps never seemed very Portuguese. He was a stuffy old codger who my dad could never get along because he was also a bourgeois snob brought up in England who always looked down upon my dad and his progeny (which is to say, me and my siblings) as something less than a full measure.
Still, I've harboured this dream of going to Lisbon for a long time, to see what the place is like, to taste the air, to find out more about the family and feel its history seep into my bones by wandering the streets.
But all that in the due course of time. In some small way, I can relate to how you feel; and my honest opinion would be that you should wait until the shock wears off. Once it does, consider again if this really is something you'd want to go through with. Also try to consider it from your mum's and possibly your long-lost father's perspective.
And if you do decide to go through with the plan after that, try not to carry the weight of idealistic expectation along with you.
