Shayde on 3/10/2009 at 17:48
So here's the story.
I've been freelancing from home for the last year so I can be with my baby, but I've got to go back now because money is tight. We're still doing ok, but pretty much just covering our asses every month.
Our house is pretty small, no way we could have another kid here, and we want another baby in the next 2 years.
Now my father-in-law is pretty much Captain Control. He employs just about every member of the family (including my husband) except for me. I refused his offers because independence is important to me.
He has now offered to buy a house for our family. But (wait for it) the house next door. He wants to buy all the neighbouring properties for each of the kids and knock down property fences. So really we'd all be living in one big communal property, with separate houses.
My husband says that if we took the offer we'd live there and pay off our current place while renting it out. We could pay it off much faster and then buy a second, larger property as our final family home. Although I'm sure there'd be a big fight when we wanted to leave.
Another catch, either all the kids accept the offer or no one gets it. We all have to agree to it. So emotional blackmail for our family as the other 2 have agreed already.
I have no idea what to do here. If we accept I know I'd be uncomfortable because I'd be living in a home that my father-in-law owns. Plus we'd have them living in our pocket. But we'd be able to afford another child and a bigger property of our own eventually, plus keep family peace.
If we don't take the offer we'll probably keep struggling a bit for the next 10-20 years at least and possibly never be able to afford another kid. Plus I'd piss off my Brother and Sister-in-law for ruining the deal for them.
I just picture my Father-in-law sitting in the mansion up above gazing down at his little fiefdom of houses at the bottom of the hill and want to gag. And I know my dad will be very disappointed in me for my lack of self-sufficiency.
So what would you do in my situation?
Queue on 3/10/2009 at 17:50
No. God NO. Do not do it. Do not take the father-in-law's offer.
"I do" was not meant to be a sentence like that, but it could become one if you become beholden to your in-laws.
PotatoGuy on 3/10/2009 at 17:58
Jensen Ackles. It's the only solution.
Briareos H on 3/10/2009 at 18:01
Resounding no.
Namdrol on 3/10/2009 at 18:05
Quote Posted by Shayde
Another catch, either all the kids accept the offer or no one gets it. We all have to agree to it. So emotional blackmail for our family as the other 2 have agreed already.
This is the most screwy part of the deal...
Sets a full rack of alarm bells ringing.
Don't do it.
Queue on 3/10/2009 at 18:08
...and don't let hubby try talking you into it either. Cut his balls off if he does start to do so as he shouldn't reproduce.
I don't mean to be rude, but if the family has an history of "emotional blackmail"...why are you involved with them at all? I wouldn't even send Chirstmas cards.
TBE on 3/10/2009 at 18:10
I can see how this father-in-law has good intentions, but ulterior motives as well. Now if you accept the offer, you will feel guilty any time you guys want to splurge on something. how dare you live in the house I'm paying for, but you guys just went for a weekend at the casino! Or beach, or whatever. I would struggle on my own in your shoes. Have another kid now, so they are close in age and can play together when they're older.
Shayde on 3/10/2009 at 18:15
Emotional blackmail may have been a bit strong as it's sort of incidental. See the houses he wants are all technically owned and registered as being on 1 large property so it makes no sense to buy all that land and then only have 2 families to fill it all.
Plus I must say that they aren't evil people. They are genuinely trying to help their kids out and very seldom piss us off.
I'm less worried about them visiting constantly or holding it over our head, than I am about spending the next 10 years feeling like a big old leech.
BrokenArts on 3/10/2009 at 18:17
Oh man, what a situation. If they truly loved you, they wouldn't pull the stipulations crap. If you actually did decided to go ahead with it, throw some stipulations right back at them. It would all be in writing, of course, you have stipulations of your own.
It might be nice, but the con's of this situation far out weigh any gains. In the end its up to you. Too bad he's such a control freak, or you might stand a chance at this.
Ok edit, just read your above post....make payment agreements of course, that would lessen that icky leechy feeling.
Shayde on 3/10/2009 at 18:25
BA I think payment agreements would probably put us in the same situation as now because we couldn't afford to pay them rent and the bond on our old place. But the stipulations and getting it in writing are great ideas.
TBE - the spending guilt is not an issue with him. He really want all of us to live well, holidays, nice cars etc. He's a big believer in indulging in the good things in life and that's part of the reason he's doing this I think.
Out of all of the kids, we earn the best money and I don't want our rejection of the offer to come off like we are better than the others and above needing assistance.
