icemann on 19/3/2019 at 12:33
My condolences deth.
Harvester on 19/3/2019 at 14:57
The first thing that helped me a little was watching angry, violent movies because those movies matched the way I was feeling. After a while I noticed I was done feeling so very angry. Also I sought out support with friends and family and even on Facebook. I wasn't trying to put on a brave face if I felt sad, and the support I got in those moments was heartwarming.
I guess I was lucky in the sense that 9 months after my wife's passing I was asked for a programming position. I'd done a programming education which I graduated for a month before my wife's death. Immediately after that happened I guess it was okay to stay a little while at my previous job, because I knew the people well and I knew I was good at the job, so it was kind of a low-stress working environment. But now, working a full year as a programmer, the challenge and complexity of the work help me to divert my mind and focusing on my career as a developer has given me a goal to strive towards. Since a month I have a new girlfriend, an ex-colleague from my old job who I've been hanging out with since this summer. It helps that she's very understanding of my intermittent desire to speak about my wife, I can always talk to her about that if I feel the need. Now I have frequent moments of happiness again, which I'm very thankful for.
Sulphur on 19/3/2019 at 19:19
I'm sorry to hear that, deth. I wouldn't know how to deal with that in your place. I hope you get all the support you need. May your mom rest in peace.
Be well.
june gloom on 20/3/2019 at 00:42
Yeah it's been a rough few months, she died in early December.
I think I'll be okay, it's just sorting through the wreckage that's the hard part.
Thanks y'all.
Tocky on 20/3/2019 at 03:40
You weren't here to see me go off on Vivian that time he did a your mom joke of sorts. A non sequitur out of nowhere even. We just had moms 84th birthday but she has been in such poor health. I know he didn't understand why I got so angry but one day he will. You never want to let them go. I've been dreading it for awhile now and hoping for just a few more years. I'm sorry to hear you have had to let yours go dethy.
Glad to hear of your frequent moments of happiness Harvester. It's what I wish for Gray.
Mr.Duck on 20/3/2019 at 08:09
<3 dethy
Gray on 22/3/2019 at 00:04
Quote Posted by dethtoll
I highly recommend counseling for anyone who can get it.
I fully intend on getting that, I just have to be ready for it first. I'm not quite there yet. I'm now at the stage where I can speak about three sentences about my wife before I start crying. I need to be able to speak for at least five minutes before it'll do any good. So far I'm just dealing with it with my family.
Gray on 22/3/2019 at 00:08
Quote Posted by Harvester
watching angry, violent movies
Been there, done that. Still doing it. Listening to angry shouty music. But, I did that even before we met, it just means something different to me now.
I was watching quite a lot of stuff the other week, and I noticed a pattern that was by no means intended.
Shetland: detective has a dead wife.
Death in Paradise: detective has a dead wife.
Punisher: protagonist's entire family is horribly killed.
These are all shows we used to watch together, but they're different now.
[Edit]
They're all very different genres.
Shetland: dark, slow and brooding.
Death in Paradise: light hearted, bouncy, like a formulaic Agatha Christie in the Carribean, with reggae.
Punisher: violent action.
It just seems whichever way I turn for fiction to kill time until I feel better, I end up with the same themes.
Gray on 22/3/2019 at 03:04
Quote Posted by Gray
I'm a very mediocre musician.
Slight tangent off this thread, I'd just like to recommend to other mediocre musicians a tablet app called Caustic for Android, I've made lots and lots of terrible stuff nobody will ever hear on it, and it only cost me £6. Fortunately, it allows me to layer my favourite six drum machines, and has other fairly neat stuff as well. No, I'm not paid to promote it, it's just one of the tools I'm using to process this thing I'm going through, and it's fairly decent.
Starker on 22/3/2019 at 08:46
A dead spouse is altogether all too common in fiction, unfortunately, and is oftentimes used as cheap and lazy character motivation, especially in revenge stories.