Tocky on 13/10/2024 at 16:55

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I decided to incorporate the rolling into decoration for Halloween.

https://i.imgur.com/BHtggmC.jpeg

Until Trump I never feared Christianity. It's never been as bad or fundamentalist as Islam or cults. But Trump seemed to change all that. He exposed its more cult aspects and the propensity of society to fall for a con man. It's scary to think half of the US will not demand accountability for a megalomaniac. Hell, I belong to some of those organizations that help people, Hammers of Hope and Beds for Kids and such, and never feared any mob behavior. They are good people and I understand that but I have begun to fear the ability of some to delude themselves for one man and act insanely to cheat and lie and commit violence for him. I suspect most folks aren't so maniacal as to start a civil war to control people and cheat for one man but some... you can't unsee them.

Pyrian on 14/10/2024 at 23:10

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I have obnoxiously normal dreams. The kind where I dream that I did my tasks for Monday and wake up and it's still Monday and I have to do them all over again. Worst nightmare I've had recently was losing my car keys at the grocery store, searching high and low and asking everyone, and finally after an hour or so finding them in my pocket.

I could never get to the grand phobias of life, culture, entropy. My life is too comfortable, I guess.

I do get claustrophobic, but it takes a lot. Crawling through a storm drain? No problem. Wiggling through a smaller storm drain, Aliens style? Can't do it.

Heights don't take much at all, if I can't jump down safely, I don't want to be anywhere near the edge, lol. Took a lot of work commuting to adjust to flying on commercial airlines.

I play a turn-based streamlined 4X called Battle of Polytopia and I get wrecked logging in to see what my opponents did to me each turn, lol. I still play, though.

Sulphur on 15/10/2024 at 03:00

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Both are inevitable, so.

I was in the hospital a couple years ago. I wasn't scared about the hospital so much as confused and upset about needing to be there. What really scared me as the days went on was the idea of my body falling apart without my knowledge or choice, that the things I took for granted like having eyesight and not feeling my arms progressively get number and number until I couldn't feel them any more were no longer at the periphery of possibility, but were being faced up here, now, and there were no guarantees that the breaking down would stop or be fixed. I feared the idea that all I could do was witness all that I thought was myself being progressively reduced, more and more withering or being taken away, and more than anything, I feared the feeling of absolute helplessness that came with every day that I woke up and realised where I was, embraced by the sound of monitors beeping, ventilators hissing, and the woman in the bed next to me shrieking and moaning every time she regained consciousness in that ICU.

I'm also afraid of what America is becoming. But anyone sane would and should be.

Tocky on 17/10/2024 at 05:05

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I hope you came all the way back, Sulphur. I've seen it with my mom over the past 15 years. Each time she has come back a little less. The confusion and fear while she was in the hospital was difficult. They stick you so much there and never let you get a good nights rest. But she is nearly ninety so it's that time. We have taken her in and Rena has been a peach about taking care of her. She is like a naughty child about disobeying us at times but we still manage with some humor. I don't fear losing my physical being so much because of her but I am surprised by tearing a calf muscle doing things I've always done. Age takes the ego you just hope it doesn't take it all so soon. But to be immobile and helpless is scary. Not all that different from claustrophobia. I just hope you got a long reprieve.

She still has nightmares. I know because I hear them on the baby monitor so I guess that runs in our family.

ajay on 21/10/2024 at 19:52

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Well, my confession will not be this elaborate, but I'm scared to the bone of egoism that grows more and more in people. In my opinion, it's a pestilence which all bad things come from.