Dia on 7/5/2007 at 12:24
Sweet sentiments E., but I wouldn't buy a pair of shoes without trying them on first.
Enchantermon on 7/5/2007 at 13:20
Neither would I, however, that's not really the same thing.
Marriage isn't built upon sex. I'm sure some probably disagree with me on that, but hear me out. When you marry someone, the idea is usually that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Being satisfied sexually is a big part of that, but what happens when you and your partner grow older; beyond the point of having sex? What happens if there's an accident that disables either you or your mate from being able to have sex with you? Will your love die? There's a possibility that it will, if it's based soley on sexual intimacy. But if it's based on real love, a love that one person has for the other's soul, not for his or her sexual capabilities, then the possibility is greater that the marriage will hold together.
I'm not saying that you can't find this type of love if you have premarital sex. I'm also not saying that you shouldn't look for a mate that you are physically attracted to. But I am saying that if you look for a love that is not just based on sexual intercourse, then why do you need to have sex before marriage? If that's not the deciding factor, there's no need to test it.
Besides, if you find this kind of love (and you two are planning on getting married), sex should be something you and your future partner should talk about frankly. If one of you is (or if you both are) inexperienced, get a manual to help you. The ability to have sex that is satisfying for both partners isn't something you are born with, it's a skill that can be learned.
Rogue Keeper on 7/5/2007 at 13:36
It sounds so great in theory. :erg:
henke on 7/5/2007 at 13:40
Quote Posted by Enchantermon
Neither would I, however, that's not really the same thing.
Marriage isn't built upon sex. I'm sure some probably disagree with me on that, but hear me out. When you marry someone, the idea is usually that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Being satisfied sexually is a big part of that, but what happens when you and your partner grow older; beyond the point of having sex? What happens if there's an accident that disables either you or your mate from being able to have sex with you? Will your love die? There's a possibility that it will, if it's based soley on sexual intimacy. But if it's based on real love, a love that one person has for the other's soul, not for his or her sexual capabilities, then the possibility is greater that the marriage will hold together.
I'm not saying that you can't find this type of love if you have premarital sex. I'm also not saying that you shouldn't look for a mate that you are physically attracted to. But I am saying that if you look for a love that is not just based on sexual intercourse, then why do you need to have sex before marriage? If that's not the deciding factor, there's no need to test it.
Besides, if you find this kind of love (and you two are planning on getting married), sex should be something you and your future partner should talk about frankly. If one of you is (or if you both are) inexperienced, get a manual to help you. The ability to have sex that is satisfying for both partners isn't something you are born with, it's a skill that can be learned.
Quoting for posterity. Not that Enchantermon would ever want to delete his original post or anything. Great advice about getting a manual btw. Do you recommend Penthouse or Hustler?
Malygris on 7/5/2007 at 13:43
Quote Posted by Enchantermon
When you marry someone, etc.
Yeah, you're gonna make some lucky girl real happy one day.
Briareos H on 7/5/2007 at 13:49
EDIT : what's wrong with you people posting before me >:( :mad: :mad:
waht
For most people, sex is not that serious.
o_o Live with the times (/pleasure)
Enchantermon on 7/5/2007 at 13:57
Quote Posted by Briareos H
For most people, sex is not that serious.
Yeah, that's true, I take it more seriously than most.
Dia on 7/5/2007 at 15:46
Quote Posted by Enchantermon
Marriage isn't built upon sex.
No, but like it or not, sex plays a very important part in any relationship. You've obviously never been married.
Quote:
but what happens when you and your partner grow older; beyond the point of having sex? What happens if there's an accident that disables either you or your mate from being able to have sex with you? Will your love die?
It's a medically proven fact that people in their eighties still have satisfying sex. Face it, if you've made it that far with your spouse, you're hardly likely to divorce him because he can't get it up all the time. That's why they invented Viagra. Plus, your libido diminishes during your senior years.
As far as your spouse suffering a seriously disabling accident, well, a friend of mine's husband had a major artery in his neck blow out leaving him paralyzed from the chin down. She said that it wasn't sex or the lack of it that caused problems, but the fact that he was totally disabled and needed constant, round-the-clock care that was putting a strain on their relationship. If the accident is that serious, it's not going to be sex that creates strain. And no, your love for your disabled spouse doesn't die.
Quote:
But if it's based on real love, a love that one person has for the other's soul, not for his or her sexual capabilities, then the possibility is greater that the marriage will hold together.
Face it, if you married someone for physical reasons only your marriage won't make it past the first three months. And you can love each other's soul totally and absolutely, but that won't change the fact that if sex is unsatisfactory, there could be some serious problems on your horizon. You don't get married and live happily ever after, I'm afraid. You'll have more than enough problems and adjustments to make living with each other during your first five years so why add sexual tension and stress to the mix?
Quote:
I am saying that if you look for a love that is not just based on sexual intercourse, then why do you need to have sex before marriage? If that's not the deciding factor, there's no need to test it.
You're sounding pretty idealistic here, E. The fact remains that sex is an important part of any serious relationship. No, it shouldn't be the deciding factor, but why go into a marriage blind in that respect? You're going to have enough problems and 'growing pains' as it is. I see nothing wrong with wanting to work out as many details as possible
before you wed. When you really, truly love someone, sex is just another part of the love you have for each other.
Get married and then we'll talk.
Enchantermon on 7/5/2007 at 15:56
Quote Posted by Dia
Get married and then we'll talk.
Fair enough.
Kolya on 7/5/2007 at 16:06
Enchantermon, your hopes that you will never get hurt if you just wait long enough for the perfect partner and be the best partner you can yourself will not be fulfilled. You will get hurt. And you will get over it and go on and make it better the next time.
The only difference is when you start.
Right now you miss out willingly but blindly on a great experience and an essential part of growing up. This isn't something you can ever get back. Love and sex won't be the same when you are 20 or 25 like it was when you were 16 or 17.
