Shayde on 28/6/2007 at 11:14
If you want to follow the path you've been on so far then you really have to sleep with her.
You've let her into your home, driven a wedge between her and her ex and destroyed all possibilities of a continuing relationship with your 'friend'. To truly help her you need to remember that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. Wear a condom- scuzzy ex.
Then you take pics and E-mail them to your 'friend'. You've pretty much screwed him over as badly as possible already so you may as well take this extra tiny step. You may also want to consider leaving worn pairs of her panties all over his office to really drive the point home.
SD on 28/6/2007 at 11:40
Quote Posted by Shayde
You've pretty much screwed him over as badly as possible already
That's harsh. Everything I've done has been for his long-term benefit too. If people are bailing him out of debt every time he gets himself in a mess, he won't ever learn to take responsibility for his own actions or get himself clean. They haven't been going out for ages, but he's still been using her as his own personal bank.
Last time she lent him money, he ended up owing her £900. Her parents found out - I think that was why they split up in the first place - and went berzerk and she got that back eventually by cheque (I suspect his mother bailed him out of that one).
She stands to scoop around 50 grand for her wrongful dismissal apparently, so you don't need to be a genius to see why he's still hanging round with her, especially given that he's openly admitted to me that he has no feelings for her. He's pissed off with me now not because I've cut the last lingering threads of a relationship between these two, but because he knows he won't be able to get his claws into her cash.
He might be (have been) my friend but she's much better off out of it. He subjected her to a 2 hour tirade the other day after she rang his dealer and told him to stop selling him coke. He also threatened to destroy all her clothes and documents if she didn't give him money to buy booze with.
When the choice here is between keeping faith with a guy who is a manipulative, emotional blackmailing control freak, and helping out a nice chick who is suffering cruel abuse, I don't really have a choice in the matter, do I?
Shayde on 28/6/2007 at 11:46
I'm not saying you should support him in his bad ways or pay for his drugs or anything. But he was your friend before this random girl moved into your home.
The correct response to "was he cheating" is "he is my friend and I don't feel it's my place to discuss that with you". It tells her that yes he cheated but saves you from being disloyal.
You can break ties with the guy without telling everyone what an ass he is.
Vasquez on 28/6/2007 at 11:49
Quote Posted by Shayde
You've pretty much screwed him over as badly as possible already
Uh, to me it rather sounds like the 'friend' has screwed himself and his life quite badly, even before SD got involved.
If it takes a bit of SD for the girl to get rid of this abusing asshole, I'd say go for it ;)
Shayde on 28/6/2007 at 11:56
I dunno Vasquez, she's an educated, grown woman. Surely she should make up her own mind on this issue?
She knows about all the awful things her ex has done, and it's not like her and SD are best friends.
I just think that SD's loyalty would have been with his friend rather than the stranger. And so he could remain loyal to this guy by not supporting him but not necessarily bad mouthing him to all and sundry.
Plus you all focussed on the wrong part entirely and completely ignored the bit about photo's and panties. :(
Vasquez on 28/6/2007 at 12:09
Quote Posted by Shayde
I dunno Vasquez, she's an educated, grown woman. Surely she should make up her own mind on this issue?
Sure, I was just telling my opinion. If someone wants to stay in an abusive relationship, it's hardly my problem. Still, a bit curious what makes some people like that, craving the life of a doormat.
Chimpy Chompy on 28/6/2007 at 12:19
Maybe what he's doing is unwise, I dunno, but I don't think it justifies the strontz-hate here. It seems the "friend" is a jerk and the relationship between friend and houseguest pretty much dead\worthless anyway. :erg:
Dia on 28/6/2007 at 13:26
Quote Posted by SD
has anyone been in this situation before?
Yep; and I still am - two months later and in addition to my original houseguests, the 26 yr. old, her two kids (ages 7 yrs. & 8 mos.), three cats (in addition to my four), a small, seriously yappy (and dreadfully annoying) dog that rips up anything she can get her nasty little teeth on and terrorizes my cats mercilessly, and a guinea pig that starts whistling loudly every night after 1 a.m. and continues for at least an hour or so, I now have the 26 yr. old's 19 yr. old stepsister (whom I believe will be majoring in chaos at the local univ. this fall), a cute little hamster that, being nocturnal, of course starts running in his little hamster wheel at sunset and doesn't stop until dawn - the sound of which coming through the vents reminds one of a small 747 taking off, and three guppies (the snail died and we had to have a snail-type funeral last weekend - quite touching actually). I've been combing the For Rent ads on their behalf almost religiously lately and dropping broad hints to the young women left and right. I think things will be coming to a boil this weekend since I finally put my foot down and let them know I am no longer going to be a 'built-in babysitter' so they can party every weekend.
Regarding your new lady friend; remember that you're only getting her side of the story, stronts. And also that she
is a lawyer. Don't be so quick to believe everything she tells you, nice girl or not. Scots had a point; I've seen intelligent women play the damsel in distress too often for my liking (never understood how they could demean themselves like that). Guess it's a little late to advise you strongly to stay out of the middle, but I wouldn't be so hasty to terminate your friendship with your guy friend.
'Nuff said.
LesserFollies on 28/6/2007 at 14:16
The road to hell is paved with good intentions, isn't it? I admire his hospitality but I fear S.Dog's done screwed the pooch now! Having a houseguest is hard enough, let alone a guest with all that baggage. The very least he has to look forward to is a truly ugly scene when the guy shows up to scream at them both. SD, whatever you do, don't let it get physical/romantic between you and her, and get her out asap. Don't let this turn you off helping people--it's an awesome quality-- just get a bit more info first.
Rug Burn Junky on 28/6/2007 at 18:47
Quote Posted by Chimpy Chompy
I don't think it justifies the strontz-hate here.
I don't see the "hate."
I think people are just recognizing that he's already dicked the guy over (whether justifiable or not, and that's totally subjective), so it's too late to take the moral high road. It's even more dickish to start down that road and then not follow through, while pretending you're totally innocent all the while.
I do love the fact that this situation has gone from zero to dramabomb in epic time.
Also, it's really quite endearing that StD's habit of playing the martyr when he's insensitively trampling over social boundaries carries over to real life.
