Lioness Rampant on 18/5/2006 at 03:22
Come play Day Off Adventures, the exciting expansion pack to Unemployment Adventures!
You are in your bed, having a disturbing hybrid dream about Harry Potter and Morrowind.
>>summon daedric longsword
You don't have magical powers.
>>kill dumbledore
How?
>>avada kedavra
You don't have magical powers.
>>why the fuck not?
I don't understand 'fuck'.
>>sleep
You continue sleeping. The dozing ball of fur on your legs wakes up, stretches, and steps on your stomach as it jumps off your bed, pressing down on your injured spleen. Your shoulder hurts.
>>hit cat
I can't condone animal cruelty.
>>HIT CAT
I can't condone animal cruelty
>>ffs
I don't understand 'ffs'.
>>sleep
You sleep for another two hours.
The phone rings.
>>GODDAMNIT
He's booked until June. Would you like to make an appointment then?
>>wake up
You open your eyes. Light is coming in through the blinds. Piles of clothes and books lie scattered in front of your closet. There is a bookshelf in the far corner crammed full of fantasy novels, half of which you regret buying. Next to it is a chest of drawers, the top strewn with personal belongings. The floor directly under your bed is covered in more fantasy novels and several volumes of manga. You hear the shrill ring of a phone coming from under the manga.
>>get phone
You can't go to the store right now.
>>answer phone
You lean down and sift through the manga. As your balance goes from leaning over the edge of your bed, you retrieve the phone and pick up the reciever. A voice penetrates the fog in your brain.
"Veronica!"
It's Andy.
>>check profile
The boy you met over the internet. The internet celebrity who enjoys wearing black, posing at the bus stop, and masturbating in a corner while crying about how lonely he is. The last time he called you, he wanted you to drive him to Toronto and then hung up on you after you ridiculed the size of his penis.
Inline Image:
http://img103.imageshack.us/img103/8213/augustbusstop8kx.png>>"bskkkkaaaaaugh"
You say "bskkkkaaaaaugh"
He asks if he woke you up.
>>"mmmbf motherfuaaugh"
He laughs at you and then says he needs a favour.
>>insult penis size
You claim his penis wouldn't be able to satisfy Thumbelina. He apologizes for waking you up and asks if you can drive him somewhere.
>>"ugh. where?"
He asks if you know where a random backwater road is.
>>"no."
He asks if you know where the airport is.
>>swear
You impugne his mother's honour.
He apologizes again.
>>transportation status
Bicycle: Good working order. You can ride it to within twenty minutes of your house before you get exhausted.
Volvo: Not functional. The interior has been gutted and there are currently no seats. Use would require installation of new seats.
>>"volvo broken. no drivey."
He swears and claims he has a job interview near the airport. You find that hard to believe that he has need of a job because of his Internet Celebrity status.
>>grumble
You grumble into the reciever. He laughs at you again.
>>complain
You complain about him waking you up during your day off. He apologizes again.
>>insult
You say he couldn't get any even if he were in a whorehouse with a fistful of hundreds. He laughs. Attempt failed. You are too tired to come up with a wittier insult.
>>hang up
While Andy complains about having no more money, you hang up on him.
>>sleep
You roll over and go back to sleep. Two hours pass.
>>wake up
You wake up as the 11AM news comes on.
>>get out of bed
You stumble out of bed, tripping over a novel.
>>open chest of drawers
There are piles of shirts, underwear and jeans inside.
>>get jeans
You can't go to the store right now.
>>pull out jeans
You pull out a pair of jeans
>>pull out underwear
You pull out a pair of underwear and a bra.
>>pull out shirt
Which one?
>>moon monster
You pull out a bright, lime green shirt with "I AM A MOON MONSTER" written on the front.
>>put on clothes
You get dressed. Neighborhood boys make cat calls outside your window. You forgot to close the blinds.
>>flip bird
You flip the boys the bird. They hoot and holler.
>>pick up keys
You pick up the Volvo keys on your dresser.
>>leave room
You step out into the hallway. It leads down to the kitchen. There are three doors on either side of you: one on the left and two on the right.
>>enter kitchen
You enter the kitchen. The lights are off, but the radio is blaring the CBC.
>>enter garage
You enter the garage. You see the various parts of the Volvo lying around in small heaps. There is a pile of junk in the corner. Your father's Sea Doo occupies most of the space in the garage. The garage door is open and you can see the Volvo sitting in the driveway.
>>get duct tape
You find a roll of duct tape stuck to the corpse of a rat.
>>ewwww
I don't understand 'ewwww'.
>>remove rat
You peel the rat off of the duct tape.
>>get folding chair
You find an ancient folding chair behind the Sea Doo after tripping over a toolbox.
>>go to Volvo
You approach the Volvo. Through the glass, you can see a hobo sleeping in the gap where the backseat used to be.
>>open backdoor
You open the backdoor of the Volvo. The hobo wakes up and glares at you.
>>attack hobo
With what?
>>list
You have an old folding chair, a roll of duct tape, and a dead rat.
>>attack hobo with dead rat
The hobo screams as you beat him with the rat corpse. He opens the other back door and jumps out, running screaming down the street.
>>open frontdoor
You open one of the front doors of the Volvo. You see the steering wheel, the gear shifter, and an empty hole where the driver's seat used to be.
>>insert folding chair in driver's seat
You place the folding chair in the driver's spot. You won't get very far driving, though. It needs to be anchored down.
>>use duct tape
You tape the folding chair to the floor of the Volvo. It looks unstable, but you should be able to drive it.
>>rock and roll
You strike a pose and start doing an air guitar solo.
>>get in car
You sit in the folding chair. I suggest you buckle up.
>>start car
The Volvo rumbles to life, making ominous noises.
>>drive to store
As you pull out of the driveway, your door slams shut. You forgot to close it before starting.
>>drive to store
The Volvo dies.
>>swear
You curse.
>>go home
You return home, going in through the garage.
>>go to computer
You head downstairs into the family room. It is full of computer parts and wires are everywhere, connecting the two computers to the TV. You turn on your computer. It buzzes and starts up.
>>play Morrowind
You launch Morrowind.
YOU A WINNER HA HA HA
YOU A WINNER HA HA HA
YOU A WINNER HA HA HA
