Rug Burn Junky on 22/8/2007 at 17:52
Whoa.
It took a couple of days to recover from that one.
I got in to the area on Monday night, and stayed in Sacramento. From the start, I had a few screw-ups. My rental car (an Infiniti G35) wasn't available, so after turning down the Hummer, Volvo, and Audi SUV, I got them to hook me up with a Nissan 350Z.
Dangerous.
I checked in to my hotel at midnight, just as room service closed down for the night, and the whole town seemed dead. Options for food? Only one - Carl's Jr. Have to say, the whole fast food burger thing is so much better out west, but for the lack of White Castles, you definitely have it going on.
Tuesday began with a dip in the rather tiny hotel pool, where a very attractive older persian woman proceeded to flash me while swimming laps, before having a half an hour chat with her about Germany (where she grew up) and Dubai (where I eventually would like to try to move).
I moved on to lunch with one Mr. GingerBreadMan. We had a hard time fitting the Force of Nature into the tiny sports car, but eventually we worked it out. Had a fantastic lunch at a local bistro, where GBM explained to me that he had pretty much found paradise - fantastic local produce, skiing just to the east, surfing just to the west, and a neighbor who slaughters his own meat and just hands it over to him at whim - I can't disagree. Starreh couldn't join us because of something called "work."
I spent the next couple of days, including my birthday, having a fantastic time visiting. On Thursday, I hightailed it to SF to meet up with Scots's Leather Kru. On the way, I managed to avoid any accidents, in spite of such maneuvers as passing three cars and two tractor-trailers at once, with another tractor-trailer bearing down on me head on on a two lane highway at about 110 mph, while blaring "C'mon, C'mon" by the Von Bondies at top volume. Good times.
After a a little disorganization, a few txt messages, and some confused walking around Union Square, I found Stitch, Shug and Scots, and instantly determined that I would be by far the shortest male in attendance. Already looking forward to Starreh showing up.
We found an Italian place for happy hour, and somehow managed to screw up the "$3 drink special," ending up with a $200 plus tab for dinner for the four of us.
After determining that Daveh was just across the street, we dragged him out and proceeded to hit every bar we could. Starting at the Gold Dust Lounge, rounds of jack and ginger started to blur together.
I can't remember all of the bars we went to, but we finally ended up at a small club, where I got MsLedd to post our eerie night vision phone cam shots (After patiently explaining to her that I was too drunk to manage typing her e-mail address in to my blackberry myself, and could only manage to use the reply function).
We got kicked out of one set of lounges by a couple of people with bottle service who felt that we were too possessive of their seating, and settled in on another set of couches. Stitch was talking up every girl there, much to the "delight" of the Asian guy buying rounds for three hot girls on whose territory our boy Bill fearlessly tread (translation: shooting eyes of daggers at Stitch).
Eventually, jet lag knocked out David, and Scots. Shug was still standing, but as a gentleman, he helped his young scottish mistress get home to the hotel.
Stitch and I? Right back where we started, the Gold Dust Lounge. Just as seedy as the first time, though now with the added bonus of some leathery cougar with a whale tail making eyes at me. Thankfully, I didn't do anything stupid, other than that last drink that neither of us needed.
I hailed a cab, getting in with a lesbian cab driver and her very manly girlfriend, who gave me the lowdown on dance clubs, saying that we really needed to go to the gay bars if we wanted anything decent. They recommended "(
http://sanfrancisco.citysearch.com/profile/40863423) Pink," I don't think they really understood when I said I wanted a "less upscale" dance club.
After trying to make myself puke so that the spins wouldn't start up (a vain effort, as nothing really came up - though, as previously mentioned, there was a bit of blood and grease in the garbage pail when I woke the next day), I finally got to sleep about 4:30 am. My plan of sleeping until noon was rudely thwarted when the hotel called me around 9 am to let me know I had a free breakfast coming to me.
Stitch and I took advantage, dining one one of the more fancy sit down bacon and egg breakfasts I've had the pleasure of. After walking through Chinatown, scouting for dinner plans, we bumped randomly into Daveh in Union Square, and roused Scots from his stupor at his hotel. Shug was MIA. We can only assume that he was happily ensconced in the Nob Hill All Nude Male Review, located a mere 100 yards from the front door of Scots's hotel. No word yet on whether he was a patron, or hustling up some extra beer money on stage.
I took a detour back to my hotel, to get rid of my slowly developing hangover through a regimen of dropping a deuce, taking a hot shower, and loading up on vitamins. Felt like a new man. Took a walk through the Embarcadero Center to pick up a few things, and went off to meet the crew. After walking entirely in the wrong direction up the hill into Chinatown, I discovered that they were all ensconced in a German Biergarten a block from my hotel. I finally met the adorable Starrfall in person, along with the rest of the crew, and we headed off to dinner.
Our waiter seemed concerned when we ordered enough food for seven of us to overload the lazy susan - at a table built for ten. Scots was afraid of the crispy fried won tons, and Shug's surprising choice of "Beef and Eggs" wasn't nearly as disgusting as one would think. Hell, I loved it, it was like a steak omelette. After splitting up again to prep for drinking, I ran back to my hotel to prep for the night, and met up with everyone again at a bar that served a fantastic dirty martini, and was rocking the old school hip hop. I'm disappointed that I missed Slick Rick.
We moved on to a sports bar that had a cafeteria style food service line, and a piano bar, along with the creepiest Marilyn Monroe statue I've seen in some time. I was able to talk some baseball with the only person there that can appreciate it: Starreh. Scots and I shared his first Macallan together, and he was pleasantly surprised.
From there we stumbled to one of the seediest bars we'd seen, where Scots and Shug got beaten at pool on what I was told was a fantastic shot. After getting kicked out by the cranky old bartender, we all split up for the night, and headed back to our respective hotels.
I joined the festivities on Saturday a touch late, after going out for a fantastic lunch myself. MsLedd got my attention by simply txting me the word "cunnilingus" then proceeded to scare the shit out of me by demanding we not move from the mermaid statues at Ghirardelli Square so she could meet us all there. We didn't.
Stitch couldn't find his river of Ghirardelli chocolate, though he swore on childhood memories of seeing a fat german kid drown in it. I finally got to meet doctorfrog and Fafhrd, and we all waited patiently for the remaining female presences to arrive. Once Mara and Kat got there, we pretty much headed straight to dinner. It took them a while to set up, and I think they got scared of us meandering around the waiting area. I couldn't pass up the prototypical cracked crab for dinner, and just had a great time, even if I was disappointed that a seafood place should know that it's called "Manhattan Clam Chowder" and not "Coney Island Clam Chowder."
Plans were made to meet up at the only dance club that Stitch wasn't afraid of (The Mezzanine) and little did we know what a fateful choice that would be.
I made it to Mezzanine first, and it looked remarkably, ummm, vacant. After calling Stitch's room, where everyone else had met up, he got intel that it opened at 10 - it was 9:15 at the time, so walked over to his hotel, and planned on heading back in time for opening. I was accosted by a homeless girl who beelined straight for me, and I had to backtrack and use a couple of other homeless guys to block her from me. After somehow all fitting into Stitch's room, we headed back out again. Finding a seedy small club with a live DJ and toaster playing some Reggaeton (I will not take any further disagreement on this, Scots: that was definitely a Dem Bow beat playing for the first couple of songs.) MsLedd did a body shot off of Scots at the time (Everyone keeps asking "Did you see that?" See it? I held the tequila while she prepped him for it. Sorry mate, but you're a trooper.)
After trying Mezzanine again, Scots and I circle back to discover that it is, in fact, closed. period. Not just for the night, not just until 10 pm, but closed. I did have the pleasure of seeing my homeless girl from earlier in the evening smoking some crack in a back alley, which was kinda cool. We sprinted about three blocks (not necessarily a good idea when you're wearing Chelsea boots, and your running partner has legs about a foot longer, but I kept up)
After circling around at another bar, I regretfully had to call it an evening, missing out on dancing wildly with Scots, to see his mad dance skillz in action, but had a great time.
After a sedate morning shopping at Union Square (I dropped about $250 on a fanTASTIC shirt and cufflinks at Thomas Pink), and breakfast at Mel's Drive In, I drove out to Sacramento, to finally head home on the red-eye. Got no sleep, my plane was delayed, and ended up going in to work at 3pm the next day after a 2 hour nap, and five "where the fuck are you" e-mails/phone calls from my boss (note to self, don't trust my secretary to read her e-mail when I send one to her to tell people that I'll be arriving late).
Pics to follow.
