Master Villain on 15/1/2010 at 11:26
Quote Posted by steo
There's a prize for the best recipe ;)
Chop chillis. Cook in pan with vegetable oil. Add muesli. Take swig of brandy and pour any that's left in pan. Throw peas, sweetcorn and prawns in pan - laugh evilly at prawns as you do so. Take swig of Chinese Liquid Brain Death, pour some in pan. Simmer for three minutes and then add teabags, coffee grounds and whole off potato, unpeeled. Put three or four garlic cloves in pan. Throw in jalapenos, all the powdered garlic and ginger, and whole half onion. Add some water. Simmer. Add a pinch of cumin, coriander, and mixed herbs - only a pinch of each, you don't want to overdo it!
Serve with rice. Sprinkle bits of tinfoil on top to make it sparkly. Enjoy.
CLEARLY I AM THE VICTOR HURRAH!
Namdrol on 15/1/2010 at 11:34
drink the half a bottle of Wyborowa
drink the bottle of Moutai Yingbin
drink the brandy
get a kebab
Scots Taffer on 16/1/2010 at 01:19
Fucking winner right there, folks
PeeperStorm on 16/1/2010 at 03:20
This one's simple and very cheap. I used to make it all the time when I was in college.
Ingredients:
Pasta noodles, any kind
Red pepper flakes
1 garlic clove
Olive oil
Boil and drain one serving of pasta noodles. Peel and mince the garlic, then saute it in a pan with enough olive oil to cover the bottom, along with a pinch of red pepper flakes. Then add the pasta noodles and mix thoroughly.
This one goes absolutely perfectly with a little sourdough bread. Just use the bread to mop up the sauce on the plate and in the pan. If you make a lot of it, then it's a bread dipping sauce. Don't plan on kissing anyone after eating it though.
Vernon on 16/1/2010 at 04:05
While sandwiches are a good food, sandwiches are not a food for all times. You want a meal that you eat with a FORK and KNIFE or a CHOPSTICKS. Food that comes out of a bucket (kfc, subway, mcdonalds, most pizza shops in fact pretty much all fast food sits in a big congealed lump in a bucket somewhere along the line) will leave you unsatisfied and unhealthy. Learn how to buy and fucking cook vegetables and make sauces and how to cook meat - it's not hard unless you're autistic. Are you saying you're autistic?? HM? My fat moma taught me to cook when I was still incarcerated in her womb. Just because I can cook doesn't mean I can't roll with my niggers from deep thug peckham neither. BO.
Vernon on 16/1/2010 at 04:19
Also buy good ingredients from farmer's markets and decent food outlets. Get big, lovely rotund vegetables and fruits that throb with ripeness. Learn how to tell whether something should be bought or discarded. Believe it or not: you can probe vegetables with your own body parts and tell whether their ripeness deems them fit enough to be eaten! Also get meat that has been treated well before it was a meat. :3 The difference with decent ingredients is enormous. Don't make all this shit where Ranch dressing and mayo are the central focus of the dish unless you want to be eating ironically
Scots Taffer on 16/1/2010 at 05:28
True story, Vern, but Renz implied he was at least borderline autistic with his cooking so while your advice is bang on, it might be punching above his weight.
Quote Posted by Vernon
Believe it or not: you can probe vegetables with your own body parts and tell whether their ripeness deems them fit enough to be eaten!
Nah, too easy...
Renzatic on 16/1/2010 at 05:40
I can't cook for shit, but I've memorized the phone numbers of every Mexican restaurant from here to Chicago and know all the McDonald's advert jingles by heart.
Maybe I am Epicurally Autistic.
Vernon on 16/1/2010 at 06:11
You could try the book Jamie Oliver's Academy of Food (I think it was called that). I saw it in bookshop and it looked good for somebody impaired in this manner. It has a list of stuff you need to buy once-off just so you can actually cook more than microwave dinners - then it tells you how to make shit like pesto and pizzas or some similar simple tasks, the whole time encouraged by the Jamie Oliver's cor blimey cockney charm. I think maybe this book was written for you. If you can't be arsed with this or can't afford the book, just learn how to make omelettes they are life savers and very easy and you can put any old crap in them,
Renzatic on 16/1/2010 at 06:40
I'll give it a look.
Right now I'm scouring through recipes and seeing what kind of spices and extra flavorful bits and pieces I need to stock up on for those moments when I feel like randomly cooking something good. When I said I usually only eat out, I really meant it. Right now my spice racks are bare save for some cinnamon, and my fridge is only stocked with milk, soft drinks, a couple beers, leftovers, some deli ham and swiss, and a few microwavable dinners I can barely stomach the taste of. Not exactly what I'd call a good spread for someone wanting to save some money and cook their own meals.
