Tocky on 24/12/2017 at 18:34
Quote Posted by Harvester
I like all your stories, Tocky, but that last one was oddly touching and really struck a nerve with me. Maybe it's because I too had some girls I had a connection with and eventually lost contact with, and from time to time they enter my thoughts, and I just hope life has treated them well or at least remotely fairly. In some cases, I get a general gist from Facebook or something, but with some other girls, who are now women, I have no idea at all how they're doing. I just know they were great people and I hope they've received the happiness I wish for them...
This didn't deserve the one sentence I left for it. I do know exactly how what you mean. Every year before the ball drops I thank God or the great spirit of the universe or whatever you want to call it for the wonderful people in my life. They are the ones who have made my life. Many of those are women. Also in that I beg for forgiveness and understanding and offer it to any who may need it from me. I know I may not have done particularly hurtful things but I'm certain I didn't do my best. Likely talks in person would do better than a lone once a year prayer sent into the vastness but some I will never see again. I want them all to be happy and to know love. And maybe, just maybe, think once in a blue moon of a fool they once knew.
Tocky on 25/12/2017 at 05:14
I've been wracking my brain to figure a way to tell this next part without being lurid or exposing too many details but so much of that is wrapped up in the stories. I'll do my best.
Nature is a beast to pump such hormones into those so little prepared but so very willing. Any place we could find in any amount of time we could steal. I was recently at a beauty pageant for my niece given at that old school auditorium and as the contestants waltzed across the stage I couldn't help but remember that stage darkened long ago and the two of us in our passion upon it. I had swiped a book of hall passes from a teachers desk. The auditorium was empty most all the time. Naturally these are thoughts one keeps to himself sitting next to his wife. I've kept most of these stories to myself. Even drunk I've kept them though I did let one slip to a laugh from everyone but my wife once. That taught me.
We were caught out on Bell River road. I suppose the farmer had to check his cows some time. He just sat there though. He could see we were struggling into our clothes and maybe he figured it was his property and he could watch if he wanted. Also he was cross ways of the the road as if blocking us in. That sort of pissed me off. I always backed in or I couldn't have gotten out then. As it was I had to punch it and ride up the angle of sunken road bank a bit to go around. Once around him I backed up in the gravel to the side of his truck then gunned it showering him in a spray of gravel. My temper has never improved my entire life I'm afraid.
So we found a new spot. One I had used with my buds to burn one on occasion. It was a field over a ridge nearer to town down a gravel road to nowhere. Once off the road and over the ridge on a barely visible track it was out of sight and no reason anyone should happen along. I taught Laurie to drive there. We learned a lot of stuff there. Charms blow pops, despite the word blow in them, are a bad idea for instance.
One night someone came along anyway. Lights blaring into my car and lighting us up like a stage. I told her "wait don't" but too late she popped up from the back seat breasts a bobbin'. They were not moving then. I had to crawl my bare asset over the front seat to retrieve our clothes. We were such sluts for each other we always took them off as we pawed each other from the front seat.
But before we could get our shoes on all four doors opened of the car in front of us. Four guys got out. I reached across and locked her door then mine. The guys had T shirts over their faces. To my amazement they formed a line and ran up my hood and over the top then down the trunk. Then they went around and did it haphazard again before getting back in their vehicle. Cars were made of sturdier stuff then but it still pissed me off.
Okay this I'm not proud of. I unlocked my door and jumped out advancing on that car ready to beat hell out of everyone in it. That was stupid. I was cussing for all I was worth though and going for the drivers door. I think about that now and cringe. God that was stupid. I was such an ego driven maniac. Before I could reach the door they began to back up then stopped. I advanced again. It was a stupid double down. That's right. I'm going to rip your car apart and tear each of your heads off. I managed to bang on their hood before they got to backing up that time.
Even I knew that was a losing situation. I could never catch them like that. I turned and ran back to my car. Laurie must have been stunned. I should have thought to check. Instead I gunned it and headed right for them. They backed up as fast as they could and managed to turn onto the road with me right behind them. Once they hit the highway I knew I had them. There was no way that brown piece of shit station wagon was going to outrun my Skylark GS. We reached speeds of over a hundred.
I got up beside them but they were all hiding their faces. It was only then I looked at Laurie's. She was terrified. Excited, amazed, but thinking I was a maniac too. I backed off and made note of the tag number as I did. I told her there was a pen and paper in the glove box and she wrote it down while I still remembered it. Even still, knowing what a shit I was being, I felt as if I was watching them get away and I hated to let them go.
Oh god I can see myself now but I couldn't then.
The next day I was at Kevins and took the tag number to pull a trick old Travis McGee of the John D. McDonald color series would be proud of. I called the cops and told them a car had lost a hubcap and I thought I knew who it was but I wasn't sure. Would they run the tag and give me the address so I could return it. They would do it if I brought it down. No, that's okay, I think I know them anyway. Why the hell that worked I have no idea but it did. They gave me the address. I don't think that would work these days.
Once I hung up and started out the door Kevin stopped me. I asked did he want to tag along. No. I have a confession. It was me, Frank, Elliott, and Richard. We were in Franks car they had just bought. He hasn't even tagged it his own yet. That address is the previous owner. Holy fuck. Now I was pissed at him. They saw us there and knew what we were doing and thought it would be funny. I wanted to be mad. I couldn't. It was funny. Jesus.
I don't know how to turn this into a Christmas story. I don't think even Dickens could. Instead it is a sadness now to see what an invincible hothead I was. No. Not invincible. Just someone who thought they were. Even now I forget I'm not at times. Peace on earth, good will to men, then. I need that more than anyone.
Tocky on 26/12/2017 at 04:34
I don't blame any woman I've been with for thinking she should not hitch her star to me. Look at that story above. Is that normal behavior? Suppose it had been rapists? True I told her to lock the door behind me but was she going to drive away (and that's exactly what she should do) if I were getting my ass beat? Would she have that presence of mind? That could have gone so wrong. What if they had weapons? I put her in danger and that is unforgivable. That sort of shit never crossed my mind then.
I don't think it crossed hers either. It certainly didn't cool her ardor any. The next weekend she wanted me to drive around the courthouse square because she had a surprise for me. She wanted me to continue circling it while she gave me a BJ. That doesn't stand for black jack Thief fans. Next she wanted me to blow my horn. What the hell? Hey, if she wanted me to start running over people at that point I might have. I did. I blew my horn again and again. There was a group of kids our age off to one side who began to cheer. She had set it up with her friends to be there and know what was happening when I blew my horn. She reached up her hand from her position in my lap and waved at them even. LOL there was Toni among them.
God what a girl. She was amazing. Is it any wonder I thought I had found a soul mate? Yeah, well, it also wasn't long before she had finagled to spend the night with a girl who rode home on the bus with me every day. Back then even if you had a car you still mostly took the bus and saved your gas. It was a different time. She got to see me on the bus that way and we stayed somewhat tame. No tearing off of clothes at least. She also called and had me come by to get her for a little drive but we didn't have long.
The next day she wanted to break up with me. What the holy fuck? How could? What? Why? It didn't make sense. I was hurt more than I had ever been but I kept it together. If that's what she wanted then at least tell me why. She wouldn't say. I was dumbfounded. That evening her friend that she had stayed with sat next to me. She had never done that before. She was so sorry things hadn't worked out between Laurie and me but maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. She made it very clear she liked me. A lot.
Okay this is kind of making some sense now. I called Laurie up and told her of her friends attentions and asked did she know about it. What sort of twisted shit was this? No she didn't know. Her "friend" had been instrumental in talking her into dumping me even. How? How if you really love somebody (and she wrote ten page letters during study hall telling me she did) does a friend talk you into some shit like that? That is juvenile. Of course it didn't occur to me I was talking to a fifteen year old. I was who I was and who I would always be at sixteen.
She talked me into going back with her. She asked and I jumped is what happened. We both hated her friend after that. That was the first time we broke up. I should have thought more about that. Her friends opinions counted more than love. My sisters each married their high school sweethearts for life. My parents married for life. They didn't break up. They never broke up. Not once. That was my template. That was what I was expecting. Laurie not so much.
Pyrian on 26/12/2017 at 05:39
Quote Posted by Tocky
How if you really love somebody (and she wrote ten page letters during study hall telling me she did) does a friend talk you into some shit like that?
The same person who wanted to give an auto-BJ not for the recipient's sake nor her own, but to show off to her friends. (BTW, death by "auto-erotica" got taken off the "News of the Weird" listings for being too common or, as they say, "no longer weird".)
Tocky on 26/12/2017 at 06:30
She got high with me sometimes. That seventies show? Yeah. It was based on the seventies. It got a lot right. She was really weird when she got high. Circles and triangles and squares she would say as she drew them on my body. I have no idea. It could have been witchcraft for all I knew. It would have been cool with me if it was. I was certainly under her spell.
Maybe she was just trying to keep up with me. We didn't get high often. It wasn't her thing. That was cool. I never insisted or even offered. If she asked I would bring some along. She bought me a NORMAL T shirt (legalization of marijuana). She got me Pink Floyd albums. I got her jewelry. I got her Bee Gees albums. We accepted there were just areas we did not have in common. At least I did. I took her to see Grease. She loved it. I tolerated it. I did enjoy singing the songs with her though the emphasis she gave to "you better shape up" was a tad too enthusiastic I thought.
Her old friend BB came down from wherever exotic locale and started school at Lafayette again. BB did not take to me. I didn't like her either. Her sister was my age and I had known her for awhile and thought she was a total poser. Like a pretty doll. Hollow on the inside. BB was no different. Still, I was fine with her having a boring friend. The bland holier than thou crap irked me but I could deal. Laurie couldn't. Suddenly my smoking pot was me luring her into a den of iniquity. I was in the reefer madness. BB knew. She had seen this before.
Laurie broke up with me. I told her I would consider anything that would help our relationship but we had to talk about it and she wasn't doing that. She was reacting to whatever her friends thought as if she could not think for herself. That didn't help. I then got soft and spoke of how I figured we would marry one day and the sort of life we might live. I spoke of my sadness in knowing that would never be. I was certain that wouldn't work either. It was just my thoughts on the ending of our relationship and as every time I spoke to her it was with complete honesty. I might be an ass in a lot of ways but I was an honest ass. I was never going to change until I did settle down but when I did it would be with my family as my heart and soul and nothing was coming between that. That worked. BB never bothered us again.
Tocky on 26/12/2017 at 23:17
I've been trying to avoid most of the sex stuff. It seems a betrayal to mention it too much but damn that was a LOT of our relationship and it isn't possible. Since our next breakup involves it I will have to speak of it to some degree. I know I confused sex with love but damn I love sex. That isn't fair to her. I loved her too. I loved her inventiveness and humor and imagination and conversation. She was a wild child and who among us doesn't love the wild one? Lord those eyes sparkling with mischief.
We were rough on condoms. Mostly I was about oral. I had been bent that way by the neighbor girl long ago. I would have been happy with just that. But she liked the um... the other. After the second condom break she got on the pill. Arranged it with her eldest sister I believe to get on them. It's a smart move for active teens and if we are honest most are. I still recall the first time one broke. We sat in the car after and I promised her I would take care of her. I would get a job. It wouldn't be the way I wanted it but I had worked plenty of places by that point in my life. She was my girl and I would stand by her come what may. We would marry. She calmed and smiled for me. We lucked out. She had her period.
But she must have felt some guilt. I joked with her in bawdy ways to alleviate some of it. Together we had an odd sense of humor anyway. For my birthday she got me a rock. It was shellacked with a picture of a flower. Um... yeah... nicest rock I've ever gotten. We were both giggling. Of course she had gotten me something else. I can't recall what. That damned rock stands out though.
I had made her two heart shaped boxes for her jewelry in shop class. I was pretty good at it. Shaped the tops by hand and added scroll work touches. For my next project I made her a penis. Hey, I had given her my heart, why not take all of me as Frankie said. I presented it to her in the the hall near her locker so she could get rid of it quick. It was huge. She did get a laugh out of it. Slammed it in her locker quick and said she couldn't believe me. I carved her a bigger one the next day. Three foot long and four inches thick. When I told her I had something for her she said as long as it isn't a giant penis (like I knew she would). No. It's a gianter penis! Oh god you ass! But she laughed. I offered to get rid of it for her but she said she would take care of it.
Still, I think all the constant sneaking took a toll. We had done it in each others rooms while the parents were away. We had done it at school, friends apartments, everywhere. Oh we went to the pool hall and bowling and saw the occasional movie but mostly we had the other pursuit. I also took a lot of photos of her. We both agreed she was beautiful. I wish, though, that we had wandered about the campus of Ole Miss where I would soon be going and discussed my major and our future. Instead we parked in the lot overlooking the chemistry building and made out.
She broke up with me again. We were too intense. I wasn't being fun enough. What? I was the same as I had always been. If I wasn't fun and exciting then sure as hell no other guy was going to be. She had been listening to Paul Simon sing slip sliding away and felt it was speaking of our love. We were having too much sex. Ummmmm okay. I sort of thought we were too. I wanted to know more of her aside from that myself. I did? Indeed. Despite that we talked hour upon hour each day I felt we should do more things together. She was in love with me again. I was the perfect guy after all. Third time is the charm. Ah sweet love.
We went out the next night. We were so happy to know we weren't bound by sex alone. She wanted to celebrate. What did she want to do then? She wanted to have sex. I was the wrong person to expect to be strong about that. I was a slut. Ah sweet love.
Tocky on 27/12/2017 at 04:58
All things come to an end they say but I never subscribed to that. Once I set myself I'm done. But even I could see this coming. I was pretty wild. She was pretty flight prone. Not a good combination. I loved her though. I thought nothing could change that.
My senior term paper was due in another month or two. I decided to do it on "The reality of reality". I had been reading Masters and Johnson's book "The Psychedelic Experience" and the pin downable definition was atomic structure verses perception of course but "The Dancing Wu Li Masters" would have you think that was up for grabs too. Nevermind "The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" which everyone held in high regard but said a lot of obvious aphorisms. Basically I was slinging a lot bull with a good deal of citations for things like Hopi Indian rituals and shit like that. In the end it held together and I got an A- but it had me interested in LSD.
Now I kept appearances as if I were Mr. goody goody good grades straight arrow. I won Laurie's mom over and she was a judge. No shit. Her Dad was a construction worker built like a gorilla and I had worked all summer with him building batter boards and leveling for concrete at a golf ball factory in Pontotoc. I can't pass that place without thinking what a hot hard job that was. I earned his respect. As an aside I recall listening to somebody's radio playing Queens "You're my Best Friend" and thinking Laurie and I just were not at that level but it's what I wanted. I thought with enough honesty that could happen.
Right. One Friday she wanted to go out with her friends to skate and she thought I ought to go be with my friends too. We had been up each others business too much lately. Ostensibly that sounded right. I knew I should be able to trust her and if not then what was the point right? I tested it a bit by telling her I hadn't been skating in a long while and that might be fun. No no I should go be with my friends. Her and Sandra were going to catch up on their friendship and I should go. I knew. I've often felt I have lived this exact same life before. In those days I sometimes recalled entire sentences of dialogue. Nobody believes that shit though. Deja vu? Even I didn't believe. I felt something though and ignored it. What could I do?
So that night one of the guys has some micro dot. Cool. It was great. I'm not going to lie, if it wasn't unseemly to take everyday in minor doses I think I would. We laughed and hung out talking of the mysteries of the universe. The usual thing you do on it. It tweaked my perception of color for the rest of my life. I notice nuances most can't now and that helps me in my line of work. It didn't help me the next day when I told Laurie what I had done. She immediately broke up with me. It hurt bad. More than I thought it would. Don't. It will be the last time. She did. I came outside broken and asked a friend for a cigarette. I had been quit for six months.
I tried to pretend it didn't bother me. It did. It did every minute. What hurt more than anything was she told her friends who liked me like Toni that she was scared of me. That I might hurt her. How could she have been with me so long and not know who I was? How could she say that? Something was not right. For icing on the cake she told her parents I took acid and they told mine. Great. Any other betrayal you want to throw in? I won't go into what I went through with my parents. They went through my room on the sly though and read all her letters to me. That was bad. Bad for her too. She never held anything back about what she liked me to do.
The hurt just compounded. But I knew something wasn't right. I knew there was more to it. I told her there was another guy involved. There had to be. She swore there wasn't. I went to see her at Toni's (pronounced Tawny) house. I laid out everything I felt for her and why. It didn't matter. I fell to my knees and cried. I was abject wretched. Never again would I be that pathetic. Then she said something that woke me up. She said, "you just can't understand that I don't love you". It wasn't the words so much as the tone of marvel in them. As if she was incapable of understanding that level of feeling. I left a bit wiser then. All her words were just words. I understood that now.
The following week she began to treat me human again. Lord what confusing shit is this now? Turns out she wants her naked pictures we had taken. Sure. I'm a good and decent guy. Despite the horrible person she was making me out to be to justify herself, I am. Nothing she could do could change that. As I handed them over I told her she could stop being nice to me now.
I was walking back from some outside class and she and a friend were in front of me when I caught a snippet of nonchalance about some guy she seemed to be giddy over. I dropped my books right there in the street and walked home twenty miles. I just did not feel I could deal. She handed me my books the next day. Was there anything she wanted to tell me? No. One of my notebooks had flown like a frisby and hit her ankle. Sorry about that then. I never meant that. What about the guy she was talking about? There was no guy. If I didn't believe it I could check her notebooks.
That was a weird thing to say. The more I thought about it the weirder it seemed. She was counting on my honor to not check. I fought myself a while on it but had to know. While she was elsewhere I took her up on her offer and went to her locker. There in one notebook was the whole story. She had met a guy there. She was telling her friend Sandra all about that night at the skating rink in an unsent letter. To assuage her conscience and make it look like she was a victim she made me out to be as big a villain as she could. All to date this guy.
I couldn't date anyone. I was asked out by a sweet little girl in Art class. I declined. She was so sweet even about that. She put in her signing of my annual that it was a worthwhile try. That stabbed my heart a bit but I couldn't. I was asked out by a funny black girl and she made no bones about what she wanted on our date. I couldn't. I may as well have been neutered.
She came to my senior dance with the guy. She wasn't a senior. I had danced with a lot of the girls by that time of night but it was like learning to swim again with no arms. I left. I took acid with some buds not going to the dance. I forgot I had promised to help Craig with something so I came back as it was ending. She and he came out just as I was entering and I asked did they have a good time. They had. Good. Enjoy your evening. She never knew I was tripping. I was Mr. Cool.
Just before I entered college she called me up. Did I want to date again? She missed me. Just a trial thing. No sex. I found myself going along with her, believing the possibility of resurrecting that old feeling when I recalled her voice saying in awe "you just don't understand I don't love you". Oh god it killed me again. No. No, I didn't want to date again. You will just hurt me again and it might kill me this time. I guessed the boy had dumped her but I would never find out. I certainly would never ask.
I had been in college for awhile and I get a call at my cousins house. It's Ken from Lafayette. He wants to know if Laurie and I had had sex. What? Get out of here. I can't tell you that. She said she was a virgin. What? Well if that is what she said then. But he wants to know. Can't tell you bud. Get it from her. Well about that time helpful Elliott (who was dating my cousin and later married her) piped up with "he fucked the shit out of her!" No no damn it it was not like that we were in love I tried to tell him. Look if you are dating then you should get her to be honest with you. I never could do that. Just be honest with her and try your best to get it back. Whether or not she had sex already should be the least of your concern. I wish the two of you luck. I really do.
After I got out of the service where I had slept my way through a few women I thought I was okay finally. I wanted to see her one last time but I was going with a girl. All I wanted to do was wish her a great life. To convey some remnant of feeling for her. She was graduating and I went to it. I was at our old hangout spot between classes and talking to my girlfriend when she came over and stood nearby but not so near that I would figure it was for me. Belinda told me there she is. She said it in that fake smarmy you are mine now tone. I told her I wanted to leave it to her whether to speak. Laurie let out a gust of exasperation and stalked off. Belinda is a whole other did not work out story. That was the last I saw her. She moved to Texas. Her and Ken had a son and lasted ten years.
But dear lord her sister never fails to inform me of her life every time I'm in Kroger grocery. A lot of it about failed relationships. She seems to take delight in it. I avoid her now. All I want to know is that she has found love and knows how to love at last. I wish I could hear that for old times sake. Some small part of me will always be that hurt kid who still loves her.
Tocky on 29/12/2017 at 04:22
So Laurie's thoughtful concern for my welfare caused me to reevaluate the direction of my life and turn from my wicked ways. I straightened up and became a serious straight-laced student of the seminary. Then monkeys flew out of my butt. LOL.
Hardly. This is the summer after the breaking of my illusions. Not that I held many. I was told by my art teacher that I had the ability to see the world as it is and that was a rare commodity. But we are also told our memories are lies and if we don't believe that then we are lying to ourselves. My lies are always those of omission. My battle therefore is to include those things which color me as reckless and irresponsible as I am. Ah yes, I remember it well.
So I decided to pick some mushrooms. I had gotten the low down on them from Rusty, a hippy of another generation just a tad older, who was a friend of Kevin. The thing you never want to do is poison yourself of course. The thing you most worry about during the first hour is that you have. A single Destroying Angel will kill you but those are white with pink gills and nothing like tan with dark gills. Anything that you risk killing yourself for is a stupid thing to do and I specialized in that. However the easiest to identify is the one whose stem turns blue when it is bruised by rolling it between thumb an forefinger and those were what I was after.
So early in the morn and into a farmers pasture with a high ho a dairy 'O. I had also been advised on which pasture and given a cover story should I be caught. Say you are a grad student at the local college gathering specimens. Nobody particularly wanted to go with me on this mission though. I had made a basket of my T shirt and had it filled to satisfaction and was on my way to the fence when I received a hearty "heeeeeyyyyyyy" from an old guy starting down the road toward me. Lovely. This would be interesting.
Come with me up to the porch. Sure thing. I was a friendly guy. I started in with my cover story when he interrupted. You are boiling those down and making marijuana out of them. The sheriff done told me. Well no, that would be THC, and you can't get that from these. Actually this would be the make up of the benzine ring of molecules. Nope y'all are boiling them down and making mary gee wanner! Alrighty then. Put those down on the porch there. Sure thing. What's your name son? Timothy Leary, sir. Well, you stay right here while I call the sheriff, Mr. Leary. Sure thing.
The screen door slapped. Surely he didn't expect me to sit here while he called the sheriff? I did a five count then scooped up the shrooms and hit the road at a run. My car was just around the bend. I hope he wasn't too surprised to see me gone when he got back. Nice old guy. A little misinformed and naive but nice.
That night I was back at Rusty's for final identification. Yep, that's them. You got some big ones. Time to boil. We boiled up a half gallon or so and seasoned with grape Koolaide. Me and Kev split the mixture. Rusty abstained. His wife and kids were due home soon. What? Wife and kids? We already drank ours. It's cool. No. It's not. See you later, Rusty.
We were sitting at a crossroads deciding where to go. Should we go to Sardis lake? Nothing was kicking in after a half hour and we were sort of bummed and worried. Maybe we should just go home. Then the song Groove Line came on. Ordinarily I'm not a big fan of disco but this hit just right. The "pack your grip takin' you on a trip" and "grab your friends" and "leave your worries behind 'cause rain shine don't mind we're riding on the groove line tonight" lines seemed decide for us. Sardis it is. Our last blowout before Kev headed to California. This was going to be epic.
Only we have to drive through the heart of Oxford, Mississippi at around one in the morning. The bars let out not long ago. The cops swarm then picking up some DUI's. EVERY SINGLE CAR was a cop car. There we are in Kev's piece of crap Coronette with rusted out glass packs echoing down every alley we turned. The shrooms were kicking in. Look another! A turn down a cross alley. Look another! Another turn. Damn that can't be another can it? It is. Somehow we made it through back alleys all the way.
We took the least used way, the one Faulkner wrote of in his story "The Reivers" which used to be the main road to Memphis before the lake cut it into. On the way we had to take a leak so we pulled into a short field road which led to, wonder of wonders, a field. It wasn't far off the main road and there was a dark outline of a building just ahead. I'm not sure I want to pee without knowing what that building is. Kev says it is a barn but I want to know. So we head out across this hard crusted row field.
It has rained on it and the plowed earth has dried hard and crunchy beneath our feet. Crunch crunch crunch. I make mention of it being like the surface of another planet and we are explorers into the most foreign. What's that? What? Listen. Flap flap flap. What IS that? It sounds big but I can't see anything. Shouldn't we be able to on a cloudless full moon night? Flap flap flap. No really, what the hell is that? Flap flap flap. Jesus it sounds right overhead. What IS that? How big would you say it sounds? Ten, maybe fifteen feet wingspan? What IS that? SKEEEEEEEERRRRRRROOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNK! Oh Jesus what IS that? You ever hear anything like that? No. That's not normal. SSKEEEEEEEEEEEEERRROOOOOONK! Holy crap. Calm down. Calm down. It must be a bird of some kind. Maybe a large bat. SSSSSKKKEEEEEEEEEEERRRRROOOOOOOOONNNNNK! Bat my ass, that sounds like Godzilla. No bat ever sounded like that. Jesus what IS that thing? SSSKEEEEEEEEERRRROONNK! Flap flap flap. Listen it's going away. Flap flap flap. I swear I could feel the breeze from it's wings for a minute. You know we are tripping right? Yeah. We have to remember that. Yeah. But what WAS that? I don't know. Offhand I would say an invisible pterodactyl.
Crunch crunch crunch we walk up on the new brick home with a beach ball next to an outdoor water spigot. Wait. Isn't that a new brick house. No it's a barn. Are you sure? No. We can't just walk up on somebody's house like this. Wait. It looks like a barn now. Are you sure? I'm seeing the brick house now. Oh shit. What do we do? Go back. No wait. It's a barn. I walk forward ten more feet and it's absolutely a barn. Pretty beaten down one. We pee.
We go back to the car. It's not safe to drive like this. I know. Let's just sit here till we sober some. Yeah. Hey buddy? Yeah? I can't think of anybody I would rather not know which way is up with. Me too, man. Woah dude, you look like you are shrinking. I FEEL like I'm shrinking. Okay you are getting bigger now. Yeah. I feel that. Hey how could you make this car if you had to? From scratch I mean, smelting metal and forming plastic? You couldn't. It takes a lot of folks working together. Yeah. We evolved that way, to do this working together stuff. As a society I mean. Yeah. We can't ever do this again. I know. This was way too much. Yeah. It's cool though. Yeah. Why can I feel the weight of the overhead light on my skin when the door opens? Light has no weight. It must be a photo electric skin response then. Yeah. Yeah that's it.
We talked about everything under the sun until the sun came up and we had come down. Less than a month later he was gone to California and I would not see him in person for another twenty years. We kept in touch with letters and phone calls. We raised our families. We did what was good and right. But we will never forget that night.
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me" said Hunter S. Thompson and it strikes a deep chord in me. But when you get a family you set that shit aside. Nothing comes before that. I was damned serious when I said that to Laurie. Not alcohol even. Once I got the responsibility of a family I drank just twice a year, on my birthday and Christmas night... eh, more or less some years. Lucky for you folks my responsibility is greatly diminished now. But that drive we did was wrong. That was one of the things we talked about that night. If you can't tell the difference between a barn and a new brick home that is bad. I would notice that old barn many times as it got worse over the years until it fell completely in.
Some fifteen years back I'm on my way back on my motorcycle from a company outing at Sardis and pull over my bike just staring at where the old barn used to be. My wife asks what's wrong. There is a new brick house there with a water spigot out front. So? Yeah. Nevermind.
Pyrian on 29/12/2017 at 06:32
I'm going to guess you annoyed a goose. I'm pretty sure they use Chinese geese as dinosaur sounds in movies.
Tocky on 30/12/2017 at 03:01
That would be a good guess. Slow it down to a quarter speed and I think you might have it, Pyrian. When I saw the movie "American Werewolf in London" the scene where Jack and David are asking "what the hell is that?" nearly dropped me from my chair in recognition. I knew exactly how they felt.
I'll tell this story on the way to another. It happened close to the time of the one above.
Since I live near a college town we often took the road through and sometimes there was eye candy on the way. Some women like to be looked at and some like to pretend they don't or actually don't but regardless any in bikini top and Daisy Dukes bending to pick something up will draw an eye. "Well STARE then!" she said. I suppose we all were, me at shotgun, Kent at the wheel, Kevin, Perry, and Kelly in the back.
So we turn the car around and drive back by holding our hands on our eyes like binoculars as she fumes with hands on hips. then we turn around again and Perry, who is in the middle back gets the idea to moon her because she is surely going to be looking as we go back by again. Give her an eye for an eye. A brown one. So he pulls his pants down and gets into position.
We get about even with her and she looks and makes a face worthy of the moment but Perry is off balance from the middle and Kelly is leaning back to give his ass room to come as close to the window on his side as he can for her sightseeing pleasure. Have you got that picture in your head? Well I turn and see a cop coming the other way. COP! COP! COOL IT! and if everyone had been cool and easy then what happened next wouldn't be as funny.
Kent takes that as his cue to floor it for some reason. Perry who was off balance already half turned and reached for my seat but missed and fell backward. Right onto Kelly's face. I mean his ass cheeks split by Kelly's nose. Firmly planted by the acceleration too. Kelly was making this muffled "murf wurf" noise and I got so tickled I couldn't get a word out. We had to pull over and finish laughing before we could go any farther. Hell, I'm laughing now thinking about it.
The cop kept on going by oblivious but I wonder how much that girl saw. We didn't go back by to see if she was laughing but I wish we had.
