kingofthenet on 2/5/2006 at 06:21

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OK, to clear a few things up, I was hoping that MORE people would throw out tips, and offer CONSTRUCTIVE ANALASIS, and yes, some things are written to be a little Tounge in cheek, seems you people like the punch line SPELLED out Also I know people are going to say that what is all this lying involved in dating, so you are going to get the Kings," little life truths" Please no crying, this is just my general ideas.

King's Little Life Truths

1.Think of Success as a triangle, with three angles, One is Beauty, the second is Wealth, and the third is Intellegance.The more "Angles" you have the better...

2. You are NOT Special, I know your Mommy said you were,but she was LYING.By and Large, the only special people are the ones on television, You might make fun of Paris Hilton for being such a dope, but she has two of the three Angles of succcess covered, How many do you have?

3. Nobody cares about your problems, you know how a cat goes off to hide before it dies, because even a CAT knows no one cares, I take that back your shrink will sorta(because he is looking to make money off you) so when you meet someone, ask yourself, Why the Fuck, would this person care about my crummy childhood, and how is telling them all this heavy bad shit going to make them love me more?

4. The ONLY people who say MONEY or BEAUTY aren't important are the one who don't have neither...

5. If you are lacking in one ANGLE, try to make up in another, for example if you are UGLY as sin, try not to be just nice, but to have an AWESOME personality and/or ALOT of MONEY

6.When you are Dating you are competing with EVERY single member of your gender.

7. Every Decent Chick, unlike every Decent guy, knows for a FACT, she can get laid anytime she wants.

8. You Never get a second chance to make a FIRST impression, so if a chicks first immpression of you is of "FRIEND" not "LOVER" you got one HELL of a hill to climb, to date her.

9. OF the three "ANGLES" beauty is the most POWERFUL, and (SEX as a subset off Beauty is the most important) if you can give to her good, you can do ALMOST anything to her and she will be loyal. Money and Intellgence or kindness don't buy you loyality,easily. This is explaned by the fact that we are "CHEMICAL" creatures of the flesh, and are prone to HEDONISM and intense phyical feelings are more powerful than thoughts, she will take your money and kindness and go fuck the Pool Boy who slanks her good.This is the SAME reason why seemingly rational people, throw away there lives on drugs.Answer me this question guys, if you had a choice between taking a pill that would make you irristible to ladies and also considered "THE BEST LOVER" or a Pill that would overnite make you super smart or a millionare, which would you pick?

10. If you think, "your little sweetheart" would NEVER hurt you, it's only because she hasn't had a chance to, think of all the people who were MARRIED for years, Hit the lottery and INSTANTLY get devorced. You think for one second ,that if Tom Cruise( or whoever she finds HOT) Told her to dump your sorry ass, she wouldn't?

11. There is no such thing as a "Soul Mate" it's a MYTH. Like yeah, there is ONLY ONE person for you, with all these great qualities, and you just happened to find this "SPECIAL" person in the little podunk town you both live in, What are the the Chances?

12. If you are going to start to start to LIE, NEVER start to believe them yourself or you are going to be screwed.

13. There is this MYTH that EASY, is not good, and Hard Work and time make things better, this is complete BULLSHIT, Like you are going to tell me that taking Steriods DON"T make you stronger? or Doing YEARS of PSYCOTHEREY is BETTER than taking a "HAPPY" pill that cures your ass in 2 seconds?

14. If it is a choice between SKILL and LUCK, always pick luck, bad things can still happen to you with great skill, but with great LUCK on your side you are sitting pretty. Remember that Scene in Apocolypse NOW, when that General was walking around with all that shit blowing up AROUND him, guys who were skillful were getting shot in the head and blown up, for just peeking out, but He HAD LUCK on his side and wasn't EVEN touched.

15. EVERYTHING has side effects, one MAJOR side effect of Life, is one day you are going to die...

16. Don't Fuck with the Government, (Lie to them) most people spend more time in federal prision for lying than if they just told the truth and begged for mercy(just ask Martha)they don't want your Money, seeing as how they print all they need, they want to hurt you, put you in prison and make an example outta you. On the Flip side of that coin, when Team America is on your side, you can do no wrong, and will always be fine.(How many of those CIA agents you think will serve ONE day in an Italian Prison?)

17. To the ladies, NO YOU ARE NOT THAT PRETTY, every decent girl thinks she is a model or at least an 8 or 9 on a 10 point MUST system. You are too short, fat, and have ungainly proportions. REAL MODELS, laugh at these wanta be's ,who go to shows, and PAY MONEY to become stars, when you are a "REAL MODEL" they pay you....Here is the Kings hard as nails, 10 point system, all girls are at least a 2 ( Like Clint Eastwood said, because I've never seen a 1 before) Ugly chicks are usually(3-4) and are about 20% of the population, AVERAGE girls are (5) and make up 50% of the population, a (6 or 7) is a decent everyday "hottie" and makes up 25% of the population, a "SMOKING HOT CHICK" is an (8) and makes up 3 percent of the population, 3 out of 100 chicks is a "smoker" a (9) is a regular model and makes up 1.99 percent of the population, and a (10) or super model makes up .01 percent of the population.

Gingerbread Man on 2/5/2006 at 06:29

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I laughed so hard I peed a little.

also I don't think CONSTRUCTIVE ANALASIS sounds very pleasant

The sad thing is that your command of the English language is actually more masterful than your grip on reality.

Gingerbread Man on 2/5/2006 at 06:32

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You're not a n00b after 30 posts.

tungsten on 2/5/2006 at 06:45

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All he said was "you're allowed to kill him, he's not a noob." so be happy about that split there.


And that

sir, made me laugh. Does that make me a bad person?

Turtle on 2/5/2006 at 06:47

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I suspect you know as much about geometry as you do about women.