BrokenArts on 4/5/2009 at 14:10
My thoughts too, she might be late, lets hope she is. BUT, if she isn't, she needs to do some serious thinking.
fett on 4/5/2009 at 14:32
What BA said - that's wisdom from a wise parent right there. Especially the "grow up" part - life is not an episode of How I Met Your Mother. Thread closed.
Starrfall on 4/5/2009 at 15:52
Yeah, she should obviously make sure she's actually pregnant first before she tries to make any decisions.
You haven't really provided us with enough information to be very helpful, especially since the information you provide is obviously strained through your own feelings about her and this situation. I suspect that you don't know all of what's in her head (and we absolutely don't), and that you're painting her in a fairly negative light here, even if it's not intentional. (And if you think you aren't painting her in a negative light then my question to you is why are you hanging around with someone who sounds like such a clueless ninny in the first place?) BA's post reflects this problem, I think. You've got people in this thread starting from the assumption that she's some kind of dumb shit airhead who isn't going to look after a kid properly.
You're also coming through in a pretty condescending way. You say you just want her to be happy, but it sounds like you've decided that there's only one way for her to do that (your way). Are you really giving a fair shake to the possibility that having the kid will make her happy? For reasons that are possibly completely incomprehensible to anyone but her? And even if she raises it alone? The stuff about getting others to stand in as fathers sounds like idle what-ifs to me (but again, it's hard to tell because you're not really giving us much info/context here).
I know a few single mothers and not one of them would trade their kids for their old carefree party lives. Some of them even manage to date nice men! AND hold down good jobs! A woman's world does not come to an end as soon as a kid pops out. Having a kid will not necessarily prevent her from having a happy life.
To summarize: I don't think you're giving us a clear picture, and because of that unclear view I'm skeptical that you're giving enough weight to her point of view. Ultimately you're the one who knows her, so you're the one who has to figure out what advice in this thread is a good "fit".
However there's one piece of advice that is probably obvious and you probably already know this but I haven't seen it in here yet: don't be pushy on the abortion thing. She might understand and fully believe every argument you make in support of that choice, and she still might not be able to do it. If that's the case, just be supportive - don't keep harping on it.
gunsmoke on 4/5/2009 at 16:34
My girlfriend got pregnant when she was 19. No, it was not me, this was a few years before me, when we were just friends.
She had him, breast-fed him for a few days, then handed him over to an adoption agency. We get letters about once a year w/a picture and updates. He is in a really nice home w/extremely well-off parents.
I always thought that was a good decision.
Vasquez on 4/5/2009 at 17:05
Quote Posted by BloodCat
If she's pregnant she'll have the baby. That's what she said and I have little reason to doubt it. It's just me who thinks that this is a really stupid idea in this situation.
You can let her know your opinion, but ultimately you must let her make her own decisions and take responsibility in a way that feels right for her. You simply don't have any real say in this thing.
Personally, I would be knocking the door of an abortion clinic before you can say "condom", but if that doesn't feel like a good choice for her, well - it's her life.
When she calls you all teary and tired over single mom's sleepless nights because the baybe keeps screaming it's little head off,
then you can tell her "Didn't I say so?" ;)
BrokenArts on 4/5/2009 at 17:39
Quote Posted by Starrfall
BA's post reflects this problem, I think. You've got people in this thread starting from the assumption that she's some kind of dumb shit airhead who isn't going to look after a kid properly.
Her saying she wouldn't tell the father, she's off to a good start, she is being a dumb shit, and only thinking of herself. How can you say otherwise. How well she is going to take care of the kid, only time will tell. We don't know, hopefully she'll do a decent job.
Its her life, she'll do what she wants in the end. Her thoughts on how to handle things leaves little in the way of confidence towards her. When push come to shove, if she is prego, and that baby pops out, maybe she might wise up, and do the right thing for herself and that baby.
Starrfall on 4/5/2009 at 17:49
The fact that you seem to be taking "she daydreams about not telling the father.." to mean "she's definitely not telling the father" only proves my point. The way Bloodcat presents his story pushes you to the conclusion that she's a dumb shit even if it's not a sensible conclusion to make (and we don't know enough about the girl to know if it's sensible or not).
The fact that you've already assumed that she needs to "wise up" when you know virtually nothing about her just proves it more!
BrokenArts on 4/5/2009 at 18:09
And you do, we both don't, but, from his *assumption* we are lead to believe other wise. Only time will tell! I still stand by what I said.
If she was so smart about this, and he supposedly knows her, he wouldn't of written all this in the first place, and questions wouldn't of come up.
Thief13x on 4/5/2009 at 18:32
Quote Posted by BloodCat
Oh yeah, if you're some anti-abortion freak, fuck right out of this thread. We can talk about the psychological consequences this might have on her, but not some lump of cells. Don't try it.
I kinda feel like you've just answered your own question. Are you sure you're actually looking for input? or are you looking for affirmation?
Starrfall on 4/5/2009 at 18:46
Ok BA wait let's stop for a second and look at what I actually wrote:
"To summarize: I don't think you're giving us a clear picture, and because of that unclear view I'm skeptical that you're giving enough weight to her point of view. Ultimately you're the one who knows her, so you're the one who has to figure out what advice in this thread is a good "fit"."
What exactly do you disagree with there? Or is the the parts about how having a kid doesn't mean her life will end? Because from his first post it seems pretty clear to me that one of his big concerns is that the kid will fuck up her life, which he doesn't want to see because he thinks she's got a lot going for her. Or are you offended because I suggested you were being more critical than was warranted by the information you had? You shouldn't be, it's not like Bloodcat couldn't come along and provide more info that shores up what you said, and I think I left that pretty open.
