BloodCat on 4/5/2009 at 00:13

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Here's the rub: My ex is likely pregnant from a guy who does her on the side.
Not my problem, right? Well, we've been together for quite some time and we're very good friends now. But let's get this out of the way: I have no intentions regarding her. In fact I'd be happy if she just had some fun or got really happy with a guy who actually wants her.
As you can see, we've come some way since we separated. We talk about love affairs like good old friends, and I'm very happy about that. So she started telling me about this one guy she had sex with. And she made it quite clear, that it's just for fun, because he's actually engaged with someone else. She didn't seem to think much of his intelligence either.
I said: Fine, have fun, just watch out you don't get burned. But she was like high, like a first-timer, thinking people might be able to guess she had sex because of her sheepish grin, etc. You know how it is, just think you were 16.
Anyway, quite predictably she fell for him. Just like I fell for the first girl I met after her (not K). But I got over it, got used to being a single again and learned to like being able to choose and select.
Whereas she thinks (and she said that repeatedly, I'm not making shit up) that she will never find another man and become one of those pitiful thirtysomethings that have to take the leftovers. That's what she's doing now as far as I can see.
Now get this: She's actually hot, long hair, cute face, big tits, highly intelligent and is doing absolutely brilliantly in her career. But she's still got very low self esteem, which is why she clings to a guy like that (or me, if that was still a possibility).
And now she's overdue with the red A (some tongue in cheek code for menstruation, derived from The Scarlet Letter, if you haven't guessed it yet) for over a week and she's quite sure to be pregnant. And yeah, you guessed it, she'd have the child, kicking all of her career plans into the bucket. Partly for her belief but I'm quite sure, she also thinks this might be her last chance or something.
She actually daydreams about never telling the supposed father and having friends (incl me) substitute for the father, etc. Yeah, totally... No actually, I'd probably do my best, but I still think it's fucking stupid.
And I wish she would just see this affair for what it is, sex for fun, and a potential pregnancy as the mishap it would be. In short: Get rid of it if necessary, continue her career and find a nice guy she actually wants to have children with.
Dear TTLG, am I doing this right? Is my vision skewed? I want her to be happy, 's all. And I think she's giving it up for shit while she deserves better.
Oh yeah, if you're some anti-abortion freak, fuck right out of this thread. We can talk about the psychological consequences this might have on her, but not some lump of cells. Don't try it.

DaBeast on 4/5/2009 at 02:05

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From what little I can glean of her personality, she doesn't seem like the abortion type, or if she did have one she'd likely be scarred for life or some shit.

meh, play with matches penis you get burned pregnant.

BloodCat on 4/5/2009 at 07:38

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Well she did try to prevent it of course.
An adoption is even more unlikely than an abortion would be. Frankly I don't think any of this will happen. If she's pregnant she'll have the baby. That's what she said and I have little reason to doubt it. It's just me who thinks that this is a really stupid idea in this situation.
Again I'd like to hear a female view. Because if I'm not mistaken, all this "deal with the consequences" comes from that half of mankind that doesn't have to deal with these consequences.
But my view may be skewed for the same reason. I wouldn't be ready to give up my life for some random encounter with biology. But quite possibly women always have that possibility in the back of their head and are better prepared for it?

BloodCat on 4/5/2009 at 11:02

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end twenties

BrokenArts on 4/5/2009 at 12:20

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Here's a womans point of view, and I'm also a mom of a 14 year old girl.

She needs to get her head of out of ass, and needs a reality check. She's being selfish for one thing. That kid will one day want to know who her/him father is. To pawn that baby off on her own wannabe father will only get her so far, and that is just plain stupid.

She needs to own up and tell the father, and quit feeling sorry for herself. If she thinks she will find no one else, thats her problem, and with that attitude she may not find anyone else. Given what you said she looks like, highly unlikely. Though I hope she doesn't date after the baby is born, and pawns off the baby while she plays. She has other things to deal with right now.

She also needs to think about her future, even if she goes to school or whatever part time. Scrapping her career plans, financially she will have to juggle, but, a lot of women do it. She still has to work, what is she going to do? God I hope not welfare. Her complacent attitude will only get her so far. She has to think about prenatal care, then child care, health care, at least find a clinic she can go to, the list goes on and on.

She needs to quit idealizing and being realistic, does she have family that could help her, and knock some sense into her? I hope grandma doesn't end up raising the kid. Have her read this thread. She needs to hear it from someone not close to her. Good luck to her, and I feel for that baby. At first having read this thread, I thought she was a teenager by the way she acts.