Forsythe on 11/7/2002 at 21:52

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*deetdeeteedteedeedee* This just in... Dagoth Ur is really a front-man and stooge for a small group of conspirators behind his power. Impossible, you say? Read on...

Point 1: So-called 'ash slaves' are widely believed to be among Dagoth Ur's minions as an elite fighting force. Unnervingly, when queried as to their motivation, the average answer has been "The chairs. The tables. All confused. We hear the words, and must speak them. We take them, and arrange them, but still, they will not be quiet." As becomes obvious, they are furniture movers, ensorcelled to quiescence yet driven to moving furniture by their inner voices and yet are prevented from the same by their controllers.

Point 2: 'Ash zombies', on the other hand, appear to have been worked to exhaustion and have put their noses to the grindstone with a vengeance. These poor creatures, driven unmercifully to their task, can only pitifully cry "What are you? Where is this place? I'm so tired, LET ME SLEEP!" in response to our reporter's questions. Sadly, our reporter disappeared shortly after filing this report via magi-phone; there is a 400gp reward for any information leading to the location and rescue of 'Mendel Eves'.

Point 3: Dagoth Ur doesn't own so much as a toothpick in his stronghold.... but a Redguard healer named Bodean (residing in the ruins of Ashalmawia, no less) and a Dark Elf in the Imperial Legion named Asha-Ammu Kutebani have wares that they 'store' in Dagoth Ur's fortress. This information alone, covertly gained by our own psychic Mistress Clara with the help of the mystical 'tfh' spell, is the most damning of all.

From these tenuous threads, it is possible to piece together the whole story. Red Mountain has long been thought to be a den of evil, isolated from the world by the Ghostfence. It is only now revealed that Red Mountain is a secret outlander base, remodeled with the compelled aid of ash zombies, provided with the local support of Molag Bal worshippers eager to bring back the 'true' worship of Daedra, and funded by wealthy outlanders eyeing Vvardenfell's valuable real estate. Their purpose? To drive the native Dunmer from Morrowind.

At that time, all of the odd-sized Dunmer chairs, tables and other furniture will need to be 'taken' to mainland buyers and 'arranged' for their showcases and private museums... and who better than the enslaved 'ash slaves' for this purpose? These nefarious villains will stop at nothing to further their own agendas, and it's only a matter of time until they turn their eyes to the mainland. This reporter has already gained evidence of their early forays into Elsweyr, Cyrodil, the Sommerset Isles, and other Imperial territories, and it all points to this powerful cartel being behind the recent 'unrest in Cyrodiil City'. Read tomorrow's issue of Morrowind Metro News for further details on this insidious plot.

[Editor's note: Due to unforseen consequences, Forsythe's column in the Morrowind Metro News has been cancelled indefinitely]

Forsythe on 12/7/2002 at 07:17

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*grin* So I hear, I've just never gotten around to reading it yet ;)

Forsythe on 15/7/2002 at 17:12

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I know, I just have so many bloody books in that category ;) Everything from the latest C++ & Java books to the latest releases by my favourite sci-fi/fantasy authors... there's just so many hours I in the day that I can keep my eyes open; they start rebelling otherwise ;)

Exodus_dk on 16/7/2002 at 06:15

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A very slim waist - and thus rather appealing to us!!! :cheeky:

Forsythe on 16/7/2002 at 06:33

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Both of him, neh?