Volitions Advocate on 10/10/2017 at 04:46
Oh goodness has this page of this thread just kept slamming into me.
Continuing from posts 53 and 55 of this thread.... With all of this talk of relationships, kids, and religion.
I've been keeping my phone on silent for the last month or so. I miss a lot of calls and text messages, but I try to remember to check so I can get back to people. I had to turn it off because my damn ringtone was triggering my fight-or-flight response, because the only person who actually ever calls me is my estranged wife. And it's usually not a good conversation, or it starts out okay and goes horrible after a few minutes... I just couldn't handle it anymore, and I had a ton of anxiety over it. In July (after those posts earlier) I actually switched my phone off for a week because I was so mad at her, and my lawyers told me that I shouldn't fill awkward empty pauses with words if I feel compelled to in her company. I didn't see my kids at all for over 2 weeks and I apologized to my 4 y/o for turning my phone off, promised him I would keep it on from now on. But even the vibration started to give me the same anxiety attacks that the ringer did, so I turned it to silent.
Anyway I missed a call tonight by 20 minutes because of it, and it was my oldest (6) calling, left me a VM just to tell me that he misses me and loves me, 90 minutes after his bed time. So I'm sure he was having trouble sleeping and might have been crying before he called. Tried calling back, but no answer. And I'm a little bit destroyed by that, something you might not understand if you don't have kids. In this moment I am completely destroyed by that little voice.
I can't see them without "supervision" because of an outrageous claim on her part. In the past 3 months we've been to court 3 times over it, and the judges don't want to make a decision, so they've left it up to us to agree on something. Which we don't, and it puts her in charge because she has day to day care of them.
Throughout all of this, I know where I was at fault in our marriage. Less than 2 months from now would have been our 10 year, and we've been separated since Christmas. I REALLY try to make sure I understand things from her perspective and realize that I can't claim to be 100% in the right, I never would. My inability to be vulnerable and share things like icemann is talking about is part of it, and I can own up to that, but she is taking the most remote and unrelated things and using them to say that I'm dangerous for the children. Part of the problem is probably that I'm on a sure and steady exit from Mormonism, and she disagrees with any relationship I've had that was remotely conjugal before our marriage, and is using examples of that (citing them in court documents) to keep me from seeing my kids without somebody looking over my shoulder.
I don't want to come here to try to demonize her or anything... I can own up to my mistakes and how she feels about them. And I can even forgive her for whatever slights I feel there were in our marriage, and during the separation, but that doesn't mean I have to go back to her.
And the stupid thing is every time I try to do something that I think will ease some of her pain about the situation, it ends up making things worse. It's like I'm playing a game where she made up the rules and wont tell me what they are, and I keep fucking it up. "You shouldn't have taken the kids to your place, their therapist says they can't handle it, you should have spoken to me first." coupled with "He passed his swimming lessons with flying colours, oh right, you didn't know he was in them because you never asked and I'm not volunteering information."
I'm calling my lawyer tomorrow and getting started on the divorce papers. And the fucked up thing is now I'm going to have to take her back to court over me simply being able to see my own kids without a goddamned moderator...
At least I got a new job. First one I'd call a "real" one. With a generous salary, vacation time, benefits, bonuses, and profit sharing... I'll probably be giving 2/3 of it to her, but that's okay because I need to take care of my kids. They have an empty room over here with bunk beds and pokemon shit all over the place. I'd love for them to see it sometime.
If only this status update could say "Hey I got a new job. Here's why it's awesome." and end there.
Yakoob on 11/10/2017 at 06:36
Quote Posted by demagogue
Now that it's over, whenever I move any icon on the desktop, the other icons move from their place, and sometimes the icon I'm moving moves itself to another place, along with the other icons. So it's impossible to line any icons up anywhere.
Omg, my Win10 has been doing that since forever! I thought I was the only one T_T
icemann on 11/10/2017 at 07:28
Windows 7 ftw :p.
demagogue on 11/10/2017 at 11:14
I found the (
https://superuser.com/questions/1198590/hot-do-i-fix-windows-10-creators-update-desktop-icon-positioning) fix easily enough anyway (for my problem; not promising it's the same problem you have).
Quote:
It can be fixed by changing some registry values. Go to this location in regedit :
HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Control Panel\Desktop\WindowMetrics
You will find keys named IconSpacing and IconVerticalSpacing.
To solve this problem you need to increes the value of IconVerticalSpacing.
(You can also play around with the IconSpacing value to increase horizontal gap between icons.)
By default,the values of both IconSpacing and IconVerticalSpacing is -1125 in Creators Update and in previous versions too.*
*(In 1366x768 resolution and 100% scaling.)
You need to change the IconVerticalSpacing value to -1200 and then sign out and log in again,and it will be same as previous version.
Proof :
IconVerticalSpacing's value is -1200
P.S.
You can also use Winaero Tweaker to change the icon spacing with a nice user interface.
enter image description here
shareimprove this answer
edited Jun 19 at 12:05
answered Jun 19 at 7:36
Thirith on 11/10/2017 at 11:18
Is that on the replacement laptop?
gunsmoke on 11/10/2017 at 11:40
Does anybody care to hear the 'Ballad of gunny', regarding my last couple years? Few have fallen so fucking far, so fast. If I post pics, you won't believe it's the same guy. Any interest, I'll share. I miss you all so much.
I miss Ben Figgins, too...
henke on 11/10/2017 at 11:50
Gunny! It's been a while. I'd love to hear what you've been up to.
gunsmoke on 11/10/2017 at 11:55
I miss you too,
henke. Gimme a bit. This is hard for me.
demagogue on 11/10/2017 at 15:47
Whoa, welcome back. Well that's what this thread is for, for people to let all of us know what's up with their lives.
You're on the team so this is for you too.
Quote Posted by Thirith
Is that on the replacement laptop?
This is the original laptop that the new one which broke down ... well didn't exactly replace, but this one isn't for gaming and the new one is (was). The motherboard blew out after only seven months, which to my mind is much too young in computer-years for that kind of thing to happen, and too early for the warranty to have expired for that kind of thing.
scumble on 11/10/2017 at 18:22
Quote Posted by icemann
Sex was great which was the only reason I stuck around for so long.
This sounds a lot like my second attempt at a "relationship". I was going out with a woman who had previously tried to kill herself by jumping off the top of a multi-storey car park. She was probably as demanding as this woman you gave up on eventually. I don't think it's uncommon for men to take a lot of abuse for a good shag. I tried to validate myself by saying I was "kind" to be "looking after" her.
However you can only see it wasn't worth the price afterwards. I really don't want to try being with a woman again until I feel I can avoid making the same mistake. I'm vulnerable to be used and influenced. Being changed like you say.
Quote Posted by Volitions Advocate
Anyway I missed a call tonight by 20 minutes because of it, and it was my oldest (6) calling, left me a VM just to tell me that he misses me and loves me, 90 minutes after his bed time. So I'm sure he was having trouble sleeping and might have been crying before he called. Tried calling back, but no answer. And I'm a little bit destroyed by that, something you might not understand if you don't have kids. In this moment I am completely destroyed by that little voice.
Well done with the job. Despite the problems with the estranged wife does she at least use money sensibly?
I also know what you mean about your child calling. It must be worse when their Mum is making things awkward for you. I ended up with the opposite situation where I have primary care of the kids, but it's very unusual. She happened to fall apart and my family helped get her to move out. I was backed up by social services (in the UK) so she wouldn't have been able to get full custody.
I'm wondering if you felt pressured to move out because I read something about lawyers hoping the man hasn't moved out if they turn up asking for advice. It was just one book about a single father but seemed to make sense...
I might have been able to write more but I realise I have trouble with it at the moment because of my quite serious sleep problems. It's not easy to focus after I've been trying to work most of the day.
I had a week of feeling normal because I was given a few zopiclone tablets, but they don't give you many. I'd forgotten what normally awake was. I'm back to practically nodding off at my desk at 11am now I've run out of pills. The suggestion is that I've got a bad case of sleep apnea. It's useful to know that sleep is a problem, but it's been casting a shadow over my life for at least 15 years. On top of the rest of the things that cause trouble for me.
