SNAFU moves to Morrowind...

SNAFU on 21/9/2004 at 18:56

I'm happy to announce that everyone's favorite screw-up, Ernest-esque TTLG'er recently (http://www.ttlg.com/forums/showthread.php?t=89085) moved to Morrowind!

Rejoice! Now! \:D/

I am also unhappy to announce I will never be playing Morrowind again, due to a very... disturbing... experience...

But let's not talk about that now...

My first impression could be summed up with just one word: Wow. Detail and freedom of player choice out the wazoo. Who gives a flying fuck if all the conversations aren't voiced-over, or if the graphics are a bit dated? Someone went to alot of trouble to create a world, man, not yet-another-piece-of-crap-that-oh-by-the-way-will-turn-your-video-card-into-its-component-silicon. No, I'm talking made-a-whup-ass-game-and-peeps-actually-bought-the-teeshirt-bizatch. Spiffy.

I just loved how character creation blended perfectly into the intro and how I could customize my character. Being the Do-it-yourself type, I opted to make a custom class. Also, being a big fan of Thief, I made myself a Keeper.

Once I hit the finish button, I just do what comes naturally. I start grabbing loot. The customs officer says "Poo on you!" and warns me I'll get a whupping if I do that again. Like that's gonna stop me, fool!

So I rush outta the room, grab everything on the table (and the shelves... and the barrels... and the sacks in the back) and make my way out into the world, ready to make my name as Master Goblet Thief! Tremble, mortals, tremble!

Naturally, I get my ass tossed in the clink for trying to break into the Warehouse next door.

But I arise again, a measly Alchemy point lower, ready to wreck my revenge on the unsuspecting populous of Sesyada Whats-its-whos-it!

I mistakingly try to frob a guard, trying to pick his pocket, having forgotten that I binded the right mouse button to murder, kill, destroy. He promptly gives me a "WTFPWNED BEHIND THE BACK OFF THINE SNEAKSIE BEYOTCH!".

I start a new game, and make a slight modification to my character; I make Athletics a major skill, 'cause I can tell that I'm gonna be running from big, mean guards with sharp, pointy swords, who all want to make my Khajitt the latest thing in Carpet Club for Guards, alot. :p

This time, I make it into the Warehouse and proceed to grab all I can carry, then make my way to the Tradehouse to sell my ill-gotten gains. I wonder if this guy really buys it that I just happen to be carrying around 3 full suits of Imperial armor...?

I start getting the hang of this stealth thing and decide it's time to go on a rampage...

I systematically break into everyone's house and steal everything that isn't nailed down... and some things that should have been nailed down. Stealing pillows is my new hobby now. :ebil:

Nothing can stop me... the people are helpless against my broad daylight ransacking of houses and I am now a Grand Apprentice Goblet Thief! I am unstoppable! Soon, I have stolen everything in the town I can get my greedy paws on!

Bored, and with nothing to steal, I make my way out into the wilderness. All was well... then the unthinkable happened...

I'm just happily trotting along, wondering when I'll find more stuff to steal when all of a sudden, I hear someone cry out... and what sounded like a satisfying crunch as something really not-nice and 10' tall having brunch.

I peer over the edge of the hill, and see a wizard lying faceup in the dirt. In the time it takes for me to reach his body, I go through the 5 Stages of Crisis: Denial (Ummm, I dun see no 10' tall ebil creature having brunch. :weird: ), Anger (I'll kill the scum assassin who did this! :mad: ), Bartering (Please, please, please do NOT be an inviso-mutant... :sweat: ), Depression (Damnit... I already drank the whole case of Bawls. :( ) and Acceptance (w00t! Phat wizzie lewt! :cheeky: )

By his body is a journal, which I read as "Blah blah blah mad scientist blah blah blah I'm an anti-social luser blah blah blah discovered power of flight blah blah..."

Wait! This guy discovered the power of flight? Money sense... tingling...

Unfortunately, all he has on his body are two stupid scrolls; so much for money idea. I decide to try them out... and my worst nightmare, something I thought could only happen in dreams, became reality. No longer is SNAFU blundering off cliffs, tripping down stairs, falling down elevator shafts. Now, the heights are out to GET ME... coming to me as... oh the horror... ITEMS IN MY INVENTORY!

"Hmmm... ok, err... ready magic, now let's see... Whoa! Increases Acrobatics by 1000 points? That's gotta be a typo. Mkay... activated, I guess I jump right? Maybe the scroll gives directions? Waitaminute, Scroll of Icarian Fli- HOOooOOOooleeeeeee! SHhhitttttt!

In my panic to hit quickload, I hit quicksave instead. Natch. I zone 3 times before my career as Master Goblet Thief comes to a horrible, unexpected end...

Now, I'm huddled here in my room, against the corner in the fetal position, weeping silently, praying that I'm dreaming, that there really ISN'T a ElevatorFall Implant in SS2...

I want my mommy...

Striker on 22/9/2004 at 00:00

:thumb: :laff: Good good stuff, is it not? :D

Griff on 22/9/2004 at 00:35

O....M....G!!!!
I've never played Thief ( :( ), but I must say that was the funnies thing I ever read! :D Can't wait for comments :).
But honestly I think you should give up the "thief mentality" just a little and enjoy the environment. Once you get stronger you can dictate your will to the place :). Enjoy the LIFE in Morrowind. If you like adventure and do not mind discovering "invented worlds" you will like it.

Schwaa2 on 22/9/2004 at 18:22

Ah, yes, patience. You have to have it in Thief too.

But now i've enchanted a Chameleon ring, cost 100,000 but now I can be 95% invis for 25 seconds and grab whatever I want, almost bade it too easy, but there's no other way to loot those house vaults in vivec.

Aja on 23/9/2004 at 03:52

Quote Posted by Schwaa2

I looted em without invisibility...

Jordana on 23/9/2004 at 04:24

I can't believe how many people use that Icarian Flight scroll without drawing the obvious conclusion from the battered corpse they looted it off. LOL :laff:
It's good to meet another pillow stealer though! *shakes SNAFU's hand* I particularly enjoy taking the pillows of NPCs who get on my nerves and dropping them into rivers etc.

Ania on 23/9/2004 at 18:05

Possible solution: pause game before you hit ground. Cast slowfall. Glide softly to earth. If need be, use console to give yourself slowfall spell of potion while game is paused first.
Dunno if it'll work, and someone else has to supply console codes.

Striker on 23/9/2004 at 23:59

Even better: Use the second scroll a second or two before you hit the ground! You end up with no damage that way. :D :thumb:

Dunbar2 on 24/9/2004 at 05:03

Quote Posted by Ania

Levitation works. I created a ring that had a similar effect as the Icarian Scroll. Basically the ring would cast Jump@100 and Fortify Strength@100 for a few seconds. Right before hitting the ground I would slip on a ring of constant levitate or down a levitation potion. Worked like a charm.

-Dunbar

cyrano on 25/9/2004 at 00:47

Actually, the only difference between hitting the ground, and having a spell or enchantment decelerate your body instantaneously is…well, nothing. You are still pulling some serious g’s, and in a world of real physics you would be just as dead. Just about the only explanation for your survival is magic. :erg: