scumble on 14/9/2007 at 10:52
I'm not one for posting much that's vaguely personal on teh intarweb, but sometimes some different viewpoints are helpful.
Essentially, I'm fed up. I have been feeling pretty ropey for several weeks, and if it weren't for my little Seb I'd probably go mad.
Inline Image:
http://scumble.net/images/seb26.jpgI was going to launch into a long post about all the crap in the last year, but I suppose it's enough to say that our neighbour drove us to distraction to the point that we had to get out, like you need to get out of a vat of boiling oil. We moved out to rented accommodation and have been trying to get rid of the place, but as always it's taking longer than expected. The picture is of financial constraints, stress and tiredness.
Also, motivation at work seems to have bottomed out, even just to keep things afloat. If I didn't work in local government I'd probably be fired. I may have managed about 3 hours of work in the last 3 weeks. My job seems utterly meaningless and the "at least I get paid" agrument isn't working very well.
Moving down the road (next town) closer to work did help a bit, and I only have to walk for 7 minutes to get to the office (or should I say orifice) so I get about an hour of life back a day.
However, this is one of those challenging times where the light at the end of the tunnel is very difficult to see even if it's clearly visible, if that makes any sense. My optimism is definitely malfunctioning. I think most of this hangs on selling our previous property and clearing out a load of debts, but much of what I'm grumbling about has been present for several years.
I just don't feel like the person I'd like to be, or an adequate role model for my son as father and husband. I hesitate to say I may be suffering from clinical depression, but rationally I know I really shouldn't be feeling this down.
So what next? Have you been stuck in an apparent hole like this and dug yourself out successfully?
SubJeff on 14/9/2007 at 11:12
If you're not happy and content at the moment do you have anything to look forward to? Having goals is a big part of life for me. I'd be bored and unhappy if I wasn't striving for something, and I have lots of interests (in and out of computing) that mean there is always something to feel keen about.
However, there are days when it all seems like a drag. Too much crappy stuff that I don't want to be dealing with but know that I. just. have. to.
If you really are concerned that you are clinically depressed see your doctor/family GP. Far be it from me to give one to one medical advice over the internets but it might be worth you looking up some of the criteria for depression on the net and, honestly, seeing if you fit them. Of just about all the medical things on the net this, imo, is the only one where your doc isn't really going to ask much more than you will find on the net when making a diagnosis. He/she may ask you some other stuff about your life but the core questions are easily found. And of course there may be medical causes for you feeling this way, and there is no way to diagnose that over the net. Disclaimer: if concerned see a doc in the flesh.
Hope you feel better scumble. Some of these things are just put here to test us. I've been in many a hole and perseverance has got me through.
Variant on 14/9/2007 at 11:14
Sounds like you're in a downward spiral... what you're describing sounds like depression, possibly clinical depression on top of situational depression. Some people get into a situation where they feel bad because they're depressed, like they're not strong or failing, which makes them more depressed, which makes the situation worse and it goes on in a vicious cycle.
I'm not an expert, just someone who's been through it... not knowing you or your situation makes it hard to say what exactly would help to get out of it, but it is possible, and acknowledging it then seeking a way to get out of it is certainly the first step in doing so. The thing is, you may not be able to do it alone, sometimes trying alone is what puts people in situations like these... things can just become too much for any one person to handle alone.
Chimpy Chompy on 14/9/2007 at 12:56
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. You have a lot of responsibility (house, raising a kid) and a lack of job satisfaction. That has to be tough.
Unfortunately I can't think of much to say beyond a fairly lame "hang in there!". But I'll say that anyway. There are people here with more Life Experience, and the wisdom that comes with it, who can probably be helpful.
Is there any chance of moving into another line of work?
scumble on 14/9/2007 at 13:06
I'd like to think there are alternatives, but it's tricky when you have to keep up a certain level of income. Making a radical shift usually involves a cut in salary as you ditch your experience in your previous field. I found this with one job I had an interview for the other year. You can't afford to take a 7 grand a year hit just to make yourself feel slightly better about your job.
I suppose part of the problem is that I'm not really sure what I want out of life as I approach 30, and that's something I'd need to think about first.
Kolya on 14/9/2007 at 13:29
Hey there, approaching thirty too, but I don't have a lovely kid like you and no income to speak of. Does that make you feel any better?
Got cool neighbors though. :p
madwolf on 14/9/2007 at 13:32
Just on a very practical level scumble you mentioned your debts, have you approached anyone to discuss them? Perhaps renegotiate payments to more affordable levels?
I work as a housing and debt specialist at a Citizens Advice Bureau. Your local bureau may be able to assist with this aspect at least. And it's free.
Hope this helps :)
scumble on 14/9/2007 at 13:39
Well, the solution approaching is the sale of our flat, which will make us more or less debt-free so we can actually save money again. It's just been dragging on for months as our first buyer let us down by deciding to have a divorce...
Thanks for the concern though. It's exactly the opposite of the way I'd like to be with money, and this is a good time to break the cycle.
Rogue Keeper on 14/9/2007 at 13:50
Scumble, I didn't know you have such a cute kid. You can be really proud on your son!
As for your problem, I am sure there is light at the end of every tunnel. Hopefully
the tunnel won't break your family apart. Holding fingers crossed for you! :)
"The stone cannot know why the chisel cleaves it; the iron cannot know why the fire scorches it. When thy life is cleft and scorched, when death and despair leap at thee, beat not thy breast and curse thy evil fate, but thank the Builder for the trials that shape thee."
-- The Hammer Book of Tenets
madwolf on 14/9/2007 at 14:23
Quote Posted by scumble
our first buyer let us down
Been there :(
