Queue on 10/8/2009 at 23:18

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I love bird watching.

*grabbing a tissue*

Adam Nuhfer on 11/8/2009 at 01:46

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The Aristocrats just keep getting better and better. :wot:

Shakey-Lo on 11/8/2009 at 08:37

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A priest has been summoned for a meeting with the archbishop. He's ushered into the archbishop's office, and the archbishop tells him that there's a conference at the Vatican the next week, and that he wants him to go there and represent their archdiocese at the conference. He also tells him that he's going to get to meet the pope. So the priest is very excited and honored, and the next week, he flies to Rome.

When he gets there, he goes and rents a car and starts driving to the Vatican. He's driving along a deserted stretch of autostrada when a unicorn comes bounding out of the woods, and—BAM!—the priest smashes his car right into the unicorn. The dazed priest slowly gets out of the mangled Fiat and goes over to where the unicorn's lying. He stands there for a second in disbelief, marveling at the beauty of the dying creature. Then he notices that it seems as if the unicorn is trying to speak, so he gets down and cradles its head in his arms and leans in to listen. The unicorn turns his eyes toward the priest and, with his dying breath, says, "All my life, I never got to do what I wanted."

Kolya on 11/8/2009 at 11:24

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This joke is best told while going through the motions I describe here, preferably in an alehouse. But yesses, we'll have to make do with what we got.

So somewhere in the vast barren prairie in the west one day two riders come across each other. It's a cowboy and a Cherokee. They both unmount their horses and start a little chat. But since no one speaks the language of the other they have to make do with sign language. And that goes like this:

The Indian raises one finger to the side of his head, pointing at the cowboy. "Hmm!" he says.
The cowboy raises two index fingers to both sides of his head, pointing at the Cherokee. "Hmm!" he goes.
Now the Cherokee forms an upside down V-shape over his head with both hands. "Humm."
And the cowboy makes a sort of wavy off the cuff motion with his right hand. "Hmmmm"

THEN they both mount their horses again and ride past each other and their own ways. In the evening the cowboy finally comes to his log cabin in the woods. His wife and children are waiting for him at the dinner table and while they have dinner he starts telling them about what happened during his busy day.
"...and on my way home I met the most retarded red skin I've ever talked to! I just wanted to talk a minute but he (raising one finger by the side of his head) said: I'll shoot you!"
The wife is frightened but the kids want to know more. "What did you say daddy?"
"Well I (raising two fingers by the sides of my head) said: I'll shoot you back!
At this point I could see he almost shit his pants as he said (making an upside down V-shape over his head): Well I better go to my tipi now... So I just said (with a wavy hand): Yeah, off you go."
The woman smiles a secret smile at her man and the kids cheer for their father.

NOW AT THE SAME TIME the Cherokee comes home. He sits down at the table, switches on the TV and watches Cronkite. Then his wife comes home from her Yoga class, they share a little kiss and she asks him: "So how was your day?"
The Cherokee sighs: "Great, but the cowboys are getting crazier by the minute."
She looks a bit worried at him. "What happened?"
"Well I was just on my way home, when I met that cowboy and we had a little chat. So I ask him (raising one finger by the side of my head): Who are you? And he says (raising two fingers by the sides of his head): I'M A GOAT!
The woman laughs.
"I go on and ask him (making an upside down V-shape over my head): What are you, a mountaineous goat? And he says (making a wavy hand motion): No, I'm a river goat."

Kolya on 12/8/2009 at 05:24

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Don't worry, that's not the reason.