baeuchlein on 2/3/2025 at 20:33

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My father is diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and he has entered a stage where he also forgets who is already dead, and sometimes substitutes words. He also does things like throwing out the trash from an upper window of the house, or trying top climb onto the roof. Thus, we have to keep the windows closed or locked (if possible), but doors to the outside also have to be locked, for the time being. In November, he went outside at six o'clock in the morning wearing only a thin pyjama, stumbled, fell against a wall first and then into a shallow pit, where he laid unnoticed and hidden from view for about two hours in the cold. Hitting the wall with the head wasn't exactly healthy for him, and he needed about one week until he recovered from the fall. Until temperatures are higher than now, I intend to keep the outside doors locked, for who knows when he would be found the next time? And don't get me started on things like listening to sentences repeated for several hours (!), and having to answer the same things over and over again, for he gets more and more demanding if he has entered such a state and does not get attention.

A caring one has to look after himself, however. People often say, "there's no alternative, you have to do this and that for him", but if your own health goes down notably (as happened with me and my mother), you have to tend to your own damage as well. It won't work if your concentration and the ability to remember things goes down too low, and you're not able to look after the demented anymore. Many people don't realize such things until they're very involved in caring for someone demented.

baeuchlein on 3/3/2025 at 14:48

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Well, even rocks crumble if there's enough pressure over a certain amount of time. This is the weak point - we're not Superman (supermen?), but just mortal beings.

I had to pull the brake here when my blood pressure went up enormously - 220 mm Hg systolic, 128 mm Hg diastolic. Other signs of too much stress and (literal) pressure were there as well. I made it clear to everybody here that we would now have only one doctor's appointment etc. etc. per week whenever possible, and did other things to calm down the whole house. Two days after this calmness finally came into being, blood pressure dropped to normal levels again. Some functions of my mind (e.g., memory and concentration) will need more time to recover - I already have experience with this, unfortunately.

A cousin of mine did not have to care about sick or otherwise impaired adults or other family members, but worked a lot, and also was there for the family whenever he got some free time. About a year ago, signs of serious problems appeared. Once he was not able to climb a rather shallow hill. He did not heed these warnings, and three months later was rushed to the hospital because of extremely low pulse and other bad health signs. He was put into an artificially induced coma, had blood pumps installed before, behind, and even inside the heart simultaneously, and was still given just a 50% survival chance.

He took the wrong 50% and died at age 58, leaving three children, one ex- and one "current" wife. His parents were rather broken when they had to bury him about one month later, when the police released his body.

Don't overestimate your strength, and heed signs of warning. Tolkien was not right when he wrote "The Road goes ever on and on" in "The Lord of the Rings". Once it gets too hard, one has to look for help. In the end, one may even be forced to put his parents into a hospital or care home. Yes, it should be avoided if possible, but one has to remember: Even heroes die. We're not living in the Marvel comics' world. And dead heroes cannot help anyone anymore.

DuatDweller on 4/3/2025 at 00:35

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I passed through that with my mother Alzheimer, mood swings, aggression directed at me, confusing me for my father, the works.
She finally died at 80 years old.

Tocky on 4/3/2025 at 05:11

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LOL. Think about me. Do you reckon I live healthy? Mom was okay until 88 though.

demagogue on 4/3/2025 at 15:09

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I guess those of us that started on this forum in our late teens or early 20s because we like video games are getting to that age now where we parents in their final stage of life. My mother is in an okay state just turning 80 except for mobility, but age is still age. So I'm spending a lot more time with her these days. And I recently lost my father, which of course makes one reflect on one's own mortality. I don't worry too much about the physical side if I'm still lucid and can write and play piano or make music. Losing lucidity would be sad, but my parents avoided that. But the part I hate is where death ends everything for infinity and beyond, at least for this universe. What is any of this against that backdrop?

Although about the same time I've become persuaded by cosmological inflation theory -- for one because I respect the credentials of the (https://www.forbes.com/sites/startswithabang/2019/05/11/ask-ethan-how-well-has-cosmic-inflation-been-verified/) people promoting it; they're the ones with strong backgrounds in cosmology and critics often come from other fields; so I'd be deferring to the former on any issue anyway, not just this one -- and in the ((https://www.forbes.com/sites/startswithabang/2019/03/15/this-is-why-the-multiverse-must-exist/#6bca1736d086) arguable) mainstream version of it, there are virtually infinite repetitions of every possible universe. If so, we'll be back here in infinite variations, I believe. We're there even now. But even with that it still means you gotta get your stuff in while you can, but you get more cracks at it with the freedom to try other things or do better, which means we can try to do better here and now, so you don't have to worry too much.