RavynousHunter on 26/8/2006 at 14:51
"Well, lets just thank god there isnt another necromancer in the city, else wed be screwed."
--Book of Mages
"I would live in the forest, but those damn pagan lights just dont go away."
--The Book of Garrett
"If there art no pagans nearby, and no necromancers within these walls, then who didst raise this ghoul? Hey! What tha---"
--Last Words of a Vampire-ambushed Hammer
"Notice thou how there art scores of undead, yet there hath been no pagan activity in the past year, we knoweth there be no vampires, because then wed be screwed, as hammers wouldst not be very effective."
--The Book of the Hammer : A Treastice on Vampires
"I cant believe some taffer went and peed on the rug!"
--Collected rambling of Benny
"Duhhh.... who you? Be away or me cut you with shiny sharp thing!"
--Book of the Ambushed Guard
Selete on 27/8/2006 at 04:27
"At first our order was a simple one, and we were content to work with the simple machine the Builder had granted us; but alas, the puns became too many, and they didst beset our ears with flame, until Brother Ethid stood and said, "No more! From this day forward, we worship the rod en'wrapped by inclined plane no longer! Rather, we shall lift up our arms and take unto us a new tool, with which nails shall be pounded, iron beaten, and skulls cracked! And all that stand against us shall be screw- oh, hellfire, I can't say that anymore can I?"
- The Last book of the Order of the Screw.
Overlord Nexus on 27/8/2006 at 04:58
Okay, now a serious one. :)
The Builder hath seen thy dabblings in Gears and Hammers, and is well pleased. But see that none of the works of thy hands and mind be used for unrighteous ends. For all that is, is the work of the Builder and He will not suffer the perversion of His gifts. Woe to the creator of wicked devices! For the judgment of the Builder cometh as a Thief in the night, to rob thee and leave thy house in ruin.
--From the Book of Righteous Anger
Mugla on 27/8/2006 at 07:05
This round's winner: Selete.
Lamb on 28/8/2006 at 20:34
Oh my God! They Killed Benny! YOU BASTADS!!
-Last words heard by foolish thief
Scytale on 11/9/2006 at 05:59
"The Eye is unique among the five confirmed Sentients. This is for many reasons, but mostly because it talks. Do you have any idea how creepy that is? Scared the shit out of me the first time, that's for sure."
-Ogilvy's Treatise on Sentients
"So...booooored..."
-The Eye, on display at the Wieldstrom Museum
"There was another incident in the Scribarium today. One of the scribes fell asleep at his desk, knocked over the inkwell. Totally ruined our one remaining copy of the Compendium of Reproach. Ruined a perfectly good set of Keeper robes, too. That stuff does not come out."
-Keeper Proceedings MDCXII
"I told Orland someone's going to poke an eye out with those big pointy quills, but does he listen? I swear someone's sharpening the quills."
-Overheard musings of Keeper Regular
The Woodsie Lord on 11/9/2006 at 18:59
Okay, I'll try :P
And so the Master Builder sendeth his only son, and we calleth him MC Hammer, and we did praise the Master Builder for his wisdom.
And in the end, MC was hung up on high, for all to see. And the wicked Tricksters put a little board above his head, and it sayeth LOTHHF (Lord of them Hammer Head fools). And MC cried three times towards the sky: "Stop! Hammer Time!" And so the One and Only son of the Master Builder did die.
-Hammer book of Tenets, Director's Cut
Vhilhu on 11/9/2006 at 20:51
Soon all will be blessed with the really badly stinking breath of the builder, the necrotic mutox that i created after i ate too much porridge. And all the souls, the rich that spermed me, the City Watch that betrayed me, the loathsome pagans, the mindless commoners, even the loyal followers of Karras - all will receive my fart... and the smell. But will they lift up their arms and praise Karras? As the vapours make them stink too? NAAAAY! They will wail and make funny faces while asphyxiating of my red gas coming from my rusty internal organs and scream most ungrateful!
- one of the speeches at Soulforge spoken by Karras, let the Builder spank him!
(original: karras/english/kar1602M.wav)
RavynousHunter on 13/9/2006 at 14:35
"And came a man, whose skin was of charcoal, and whose speech was most odd. We didst wonder what in the hell the Builder was smoking, then he didst show us, and he didst share with us the Builder's smoke. But then we didst realise that this man twas a travesty of design, and we didst stretch him on the rack. And took his weed."
-- Hammer Book of Loacl Happenings
"Whateva, bitch."
-- Final Words of the Only Black Guy in The City
"I pity tha fool that loses his balance."
-- Keeper T
"Keeper Garrett... I dont think im gonna be a Keeper for much longer.."
-- Book of Garrett
"Karras:
I hath found an explosive device capable of anniahlating an entire city. The Precursors didst call it a "nuke." With its awesome power, we couldst obliterate all the Pagans, and please the Builder ny making more. Tell me what you think."
-- Letter from Cavador to Karras
"Cavador:
Did i say i wanted a fucking bomb?! NO! Get back to gathering those Masks like a good little bitch. Why kill the Pagans with one fell blow, when we can work for months on end on a plan that is easily foiled? BECAUSE IM THE BUILDER'S MESSANGER, AND I SAY HE WANTS THIS!"
-- Return letter from Karras to Cavador
And now for a more serious one:
"And the balance was at last restored. The end of words had come, and all they could do was to re-integrate themselves into the society they had worked so hard to hide from. The Glyphs, however, were not gone, they were left in the charge of one, and another who lay even out of the sight of the Keepers. For he was a Keeper, the First, the original, the prototype that all were to follow, but so many had so grosly fallen short of. It was his will that the Glyphs be taken from the incompetent Keepers, and be left in the charge of him and the only other Keeper to follow, unknowingly, in his footsteps. His name, is Xeno, and his protoge, is Garrett."
-- excerpt from "The First Keeper"
TTK12G3 on 10/10/2006 at 02:49
Staring intently at the torch, Garrett was most frustrated in that he had no way to put it out as he had wasted his last water arrow trying, in vain, to get a humorous response from a passing servant. Overwhelmed by the magnitude of this emotion, Garrett tried to stomp away. Oh, but alas! A bucket full of clear, blue water blocked his way...
-Tales of Limitations
Shaking in fear as he slowly walked back to his great captain's quarters, Benny thought through his failure. He had let yet another thief pass, the third this week! Surely he would lose his job, or worse, for this transgression.
"Come in." was the response to poor Benny's knock on his great captain's door. Benny walked in, his eyes to the floor, trying to avoid his great captain's gaze.
"Benny." Benny's great captain began, while Benny stood before him, with his eyes to the ground.
"I understand that this is the third, Benny. Am I correct?" Benny nodded.
"I have been most understanding with you Benny. I am willing to listen." Benny looked up, feeling little alieviation.
"Benny. I am willing to hear you, but you must speak." Benny moved his lips, as if to say something, but nothing came of it. The great captain grew impatient, but retained his composure.
"Benny, I must hear you. You know what will happen if you do not tell me anything." Benny knew, but his shame prevented him from drawing much worry given his circumstance. He began to weep.
"Benny, BENNY! You can tell me anything." The great captain said as he motioned away his scribe and remaining retinue. Benny looked up once more and came toward his great captain, as if ready to whisper. The great captain leaned forward to listen, lending Benny his ear. He began to listen intently.
The great captain could not have been prepared for what he heard. He was completely shocked at what he heard from Benny. When Benny finished, the great captain himself began to shake, although only a little. When Benny finished telling his great captain his tale, he broke apart. The great captain took heart at his good trooper's plight.
"Benny! I understand. You need not worry of this. You may take leave for the rest of the week." Benny turned away, and walked out slowly. The great captain's scribe, who had tried hard to listen, could not hold in his curiosity, nudged towards the great captain.
"Sire? What was it? What horror did the soldier face?" The great captian knew that the scribe would not drop the theme without knowing this knowledge, so the great captain revealed to him the information.
"A fissure, scribe. A fissure no more than three inches. No soldier, not even I could cross that kind of obstacle." The scribe looked confused. The great captain elaborated.
"No guard may cross such an obstacle. If they try, they would fail. They would then go into the most awful series of siezures before finally falling throught the fissure completely and going into a fall that no eternity could see complete." The scribed backed away, turned around and walked of. It was more information than he had hoped for. As he walked down the hall, he took a beautiful blue goblet and pocketed it. He need not worry. Why should he? Even if seen, all he had to do was stay beyond reach over a small crack in the floor. He was not above this. Even he, Garrett, the master thief, needed such leverage over his obviously inferior foes.
-Tale of the Subterfuge
