Please provide freedback on/proofread my essay before submitting

Renzatic on 1/10/2016 at 00:25

Stoopid. :mad:

Vivian on 1/10/2016 at 00:31

Elucidate this

Vivian on 1/10/2016 at 00:32

(it's the same thing but this time I'm frowning)

Renzatic on 1/10/2016 at 00:39

Jazz hands and frowns? That's more depressing than a black and white picture of a clown crying at his brother's funeral on a rainy fall day. Also, the clown is the only one there.

Renzatic on 1/10/2016 at 00:40

Notice how descriptive that was? THAT'S HOW YOU ELUCIDATE RIGHT THERE!

Queue on 1/10/2016 at 01:24

Quote Posted by hedonicflux~~

I *hope* you will stick around to provide feedback on my next edit.

I *hope* a postmodern rock falls on your head.

If a clown cries and no one is there to hear it, did the clown exist?

hedonicflux~~ on 1/10/2016 at 05:16

I've addressed a few of the criticisms of Nicker and Sulphur, and I'd like to see how it fares now. Do note though that I have ADDED three paragraphs to the beginning. Many of you have criticized the paragraphs for being too long. Is it getting too bloated now? I can try to cut things out while maintaining the fixes I've made to make the essay more inviting. My other question is, do you still feel like the first paragraph is too long? Should I break it into a 1-2 sentence paragraph and the rest as the next paragraph?

hedonicflux~~ on 1/10/2016 at 07:33

I would kindly remind you guys, I'm in need of money. I'd rather not put off submitting this for too long.

faetal on 1/10/2016 at 07:58

Sorry to get all scientific and buzz kill, but I'd like to just point out to Renz that clowns don't have brothers.

Renzatic on 1/10/2016 at 08:35

That's a filthy lie!