Please give me some advice. - by glslvrfan
Scots Taffer on 30/5/2007 at 03:59
The grieving process is a slow one, let her seek consolation and comfort in her father for now, the time for her to be strong and alone will come soon enough.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
charlestheoaf on 30/5/2007 at 04:08
I'm so sorry to hear, you have my condolences.
I have no experience raising children, but I have plenty of memories of my own childhood.
If you're wanting to ease your daughter back into feeling comfortable sleeping alone, something you could do is take her into her room and stay with her for a while there. Just scratch her back until she falls asleep. My mom always did that to me as a kid, and I always fell asleep nicely, no matter what was on my mind.
Shayde on 30/5/2007 at 06:25
oh god I'm so sorry glslvrfan :(
The only advice I can give is from the perspective of a daughter.
Your father is the ultimate protector, your safety blanket against the world.
So I think her sharing a bed with you right now is perfectly fine, she just wants to be close to you to feel safe.
Also be sure to take time for yourself, being strong for Courtney is commendable but you also need to grieve.
Matthew on 30/5/2007 at 08:59
My condolences, glslvrfan.
scumble on 30/5/2007 at 09:25
That really is dreadful news. I'm sure you and your daughter will find a way to work through it. I'd be inclined to let my child decide when they were ready to sleep in their own bed again to a certain extent, but best not to let it become routine I suppose. In the end you're the only one who'll be able to tell when it may have gone on for too long.
BrokenArts on 30/5/2007 at 14:59
Quote Posted by fett
Can't imagine losing my wife glslvrfan - so sorry to hear it.
I've got two who are younger than yours (5 and 2), but I find that they have a tendency to let go of things or move on from crises and loss much more quickly than I do. That's not to say this won't be with your daughter for the rest of her life, but I'd be willing to bet that she's ready to go back to her own bed before you're ready for her to. You know how kids are, it takes time, but they just kind of decide one day they're ready to break away a little bit more and handle some things on their own. I'd definitely go slow and keep her close right now. She'll work through it at her own pace. And definitely follow your fatherly instincts - you know her better than anyone here does.
Again, so sorry to hear about your loss.
Of course, yes, he knows his daughter better than anyone. Kids are resilient, to a point, and some tend to keep things in. This is where you have to gage and watch and observe the child. You can't assume they are just ok. Have to watch them. It is also age appropriate too. A 3 and 5 yr old don't have the skills, and maturity, to fully grasp the meaning if their mother died, versus a 12 yr old. Again, depends on the child.
That is such a tender age to loose a parent.
Quote Posted by scumble
That really is dreadful news. I'm sure you and your daughter will find a way to work through it. I'd be inclined to let my child decide when they were ready to sleep in their own bed again to a certain extent, but best not to let it become routine I suppose. In the end you're the only one who'll be able to tell when it may have gone on for too long.
He will be able to tell, in the end. To share the bed, for a little bit is fine, but, only to a point, I would make that perfectly clear to her. He needs to show her strength, she is looking for guidance right now, letting her do what she wants, (for some kids) will only teach them they can get away with other things as well.
Dad is compensating by giving in, because he feels quilty her mother is gone, so giving her what she wants, makes him feel better, but it isn't really giving her what she needs, she may take advantage of that, and milk it for all its worth. She gets angry because mom is gone, dad gives in, its a vicious cycle. I am NOT saying that could or will happen, that would be a worse case scenario. I have seen and read enough on kids. Its tough today to raise a child.
Guidance is exactly what she needs right now, that is probably what her mother would want for her too. To give her as much of a normal life as possible is the best thing for her.
She needs to be strong, and self reliant, her dad can show her that, she will never be alone. Her world fell apart, she is looking to dad for comfort, and strength, and guidance, if they can talk together, and work on things together, life will go on.
I am just offering my advice, take it for what it is worth.
Thief13x on 30/5/2007 at 15:12
:( So sorry man:(
Steelman on 30/5/2007 at 15:33
So so sorry to hear about your loss glslvrfan. Please accept mine and my family's condolences.
Stay strong. Best wishes.:(
LesserFollies on 30/5/2007 at 15:54
I'm so sorry to hear this. :(
As a loving Dad, you can't go too far wrong, no matter what you do.
As others have suggested, maye you could transition by staying with her 'til she falls asleep, or maybe by sleeping on the floor in her room in a sleeping bag for a few nights.
My sympathies to you both.
Rogue Keeper on 30/5/2007 at 16:24
My condolences. :( Why good people die so young?
