Shadow Creepr on 11/6/2007 at 19:46
I can't believe it's been a year. He sounds like he was a lovely man. I try not to think about how hard it would be to lose my husband.
I love how you arranged the photos, they are great. The letters you quoted from the organ recipients are nice to read about. I didn't realise that they were given the donor's address information but it makes sense.
Thanks for sharing. *HUGS*
jtr7 on 11/6/2007 at 21:06
I'm posting here, echoing Sombras. Regretfully, I missed your post last year, as well. And the stages I went through after my father died (admittedly in a different category than spouse or child) were intense and sporadic. I had to be ready for any emotion and learn to go with it--depending on where I was, what I was doing, and who I was in my presence.
I was in the Navy at the time, and military life was too rigid. The repression of emotions made me sick. I was honorably discharged on hardship over four months after my father died at 41 years of age. This was in 1989 and I still deal with the physical effects that the sickness left with me.
Again, echoing Sombras, I survived and began to thrive.
When I get sentimental, when I get that ache, when I feel like celebrating the meaningful times I had with my father, I have his paintings, drawings, sculptures, music, and/or photographs to scratch that itch. Then I put it away and get back to living my life.
Jason
Dia on 11/6/2007 at 23:18
Shadow Creepr; the recipients send their letters and cards to the Organ Procurement Dept. at the Univ. of Wisc. who then forward the letters, etc., to the surviving family of the donor. The O.P. Dept. asks well in advance whether the surviving family members would like to receive such correspondence; just to make sure the donor's family doesn't get upset or suffer adverse effects from the recipients' letters (the Dept. also screens each letter and card). It can be a little traumatic and painful at first, reading a letter from a person who is alive because someone you loved died, but when you stop and think about it, what greater gift could my husband have left to this world?
And jtr; the death of a loved one is sorrowful and traumatic - regardless of whether that person was a parent, spouse, or child. Grief is grief. Hearing from those of you who have lost a loved one really does help. It makes me realize that everything I've been feeling is pretty much normal and most importantly, that I'm not alone and there are so many people out there who understand.
I've been allowing my stepdaughter to read this thread; Gwen took her dad's death exceptionally hard (she was his only child from his first marriage). It's really helped her tremendously to read all of your kind words and shared experiences. Thank you all once again.
Strangeblue on 12/6/2007 at 04:14
Don't know how I missed your original post, Dia. I like your photo tribute to Bart very much and he shines through as a person I wish I had met.
I have to agree that grief and loss is not something you "get over." You go on and you carry the memory of the person with you to enrich your life. I lost my stepmother last September and a dear friend last month. I can't change the fact that they are gone--and I get all weepy about it sometimes--but I am glad I knew them for the time I had. Our friends and loved ones are a gift in themselves and Bart was extraordinarily generous in extending his gift to help others. I hope it eases the grief a little.
Dia on 12/6/2007 at 04:24
Thanks Blue. I remember your thread about your friend, but hadn't realized that you'd lost another loved one so soon before that. Coping with the death of a loved one is hard enough, I can't begin to imagine how you could cope with the death of more than one. You have my most sincere sympathy and I thank you for your kind words.
Strangeblue on 12/6/2007 at 05:23
Oh, phoo. I do what you are doing: I take the good parts and deal with the bad as it happens. Sometimes I have a drink.... ;)
Oceanstorm on 12/6/2007 at 09:50
I vote we dedicate this thread to those who have lost loved ones.
To all those who have posted regarding their losses, my deepest sympathy and also my deepest respect for having the courage to move on with your lives. My heart goes out to all of you( including those we haven't heard from) and I wish you nothing but happiness for the future.
dylan barry on 12/6/2007 at 11:05
I wouldn't have dreamed of having that argument with you if id known what you were going through.:(
We lost my grandfather a couple of years ago and my Grandmother still wont talk about it, everybody can see that its eating her up inside keeping it all in.
Its good that you can talk about it and celebrate his life . Im sure he would be proud :D
Dia on 12/6/2007 at 11:59
Quote Posted by dylan barry
I wouldn't have dreamed of having that argument with you if id known what you were going through
Silly man! ;) Arguing is something I'd grown quite used to (in an amicable manner, of course) and which I miss, oddly enough. (Kind of hard arguing with my cats; they seem to believe that since they're superior, then they must automatically be right and therefore won't deign to argue.) Besides, distractions are always welcome - they help me focus away from myself (well, okay, except for this thread - usually :o ) and any bumpy spots I may be going through. Though I do have to admit that at times my temper and impatience seem to simmer too close to the surface, it seems even those negative feelings are easing lately too. Also, for months I was so numb that I was beginning to think that 'widow' was synonymous with 'brain dead'; I had such trouble focusing on anything. So, no, don't you dare apologize for arguing with me. Besides, I'm probably the one that started the argument in the first place. :p
Blue; have a couple for me (damned allergies :( ).
O'storm; those are very sweet sentiments. :thumb:
nickie on 12/6/2007 at 21:27
Never post when you've been down the pub, spelling becomes crap for a start. That said, having read another thread, I feel moved to add public condolences here (this is not a bash though). My father died - I wish it had bothered me more. My great-nephew of 3 died, which infuriates me because it was in the US and, however misguided and uninformed I may be, I don't believe it would have happened in the UK and my poor, sad, little niece has taken many drug-ridden years to recover.
I will repeat what I've said privately. I think you are remarkable and enormously courageous.
If anything motivated me to encourage my children to donate their organs (mine, I'm sure would be rejected) it would be those letters.
I wish you well.
