Marecki on 16/5/2006 at 07:36

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The year is 2002. A definitely geeky and borderline-nerdy physics student from Poland, scared out of his wits even though he signed up for the gig himself, finds himself in London on a three month-long exchange program. It goes without saying that there is nothing to be worried about so in just a few hours he turns from anxiety to complete delight and will one day call those three months one of the greatest periods of his life, ever. He will actually get a chance to do a PhD there, but let's not go too far ahead yet.

Forward two weeks, same place. The physics student meets a female, Chinese student of biology who came for the same program but at a different place. Even though the former works in London and the latter is there only temporarily, on her way to Wales, they end up getting in touch. He visits her, she visits him, eventually he watches her go back to China as he still has got one more week to go.

End of story? Not really. Something happened and the two remain in e-mail contact, even though the physicist would normally more-or-less forget about everyone he left behind. Time passes. The biologist gets her degree and sets out to continue her studies abroad, actually considering Poland but due to language barrier eventually settling for Los Angeles; it wouldn't be polite to discuss her private life here so we won't. The physicist goes through two flaming relationships (that is, at first they were hot and then he would get burnt), gets his degree, applies and gets accepted for the PhD position in London but eventually doesn't go anywhere, considers various foreign programmes as part of his Polish PhD studies but eventually doesn'y apply for any, goes through a seriously messy period of his life and so on and so on. The two actually get one chance to see each other, but eventually don't for certain complex reasons. But they keep writing each other, with varying frequency but never stopping.

The year is 2006 now. One day at the end of the previous year the physicist got told by his boss that there is an open research position he is a good candidate to take, the position is in Berkeley; he was more than happy to accept the offer and gets accepted himself, so eventually finds himself ready to take off. Once again he is scared out of his wits, so for a while he actually forgets about something that came to his mind as the first thing after he'd been told about this possibility: Berkeley is in California, just like Los Angeles. But he goes, takes some time to put himself back together but finally does that, then remembers. He flies to LA. At that point God, whose benevolence the physicist had some serious doubts about as a result of the turbulence of the previous three years of his life, reaches down and gives him a strong but friendly slap on the back. In just several hours, everything changes.

I love her. Come to think of it, I must have loved her almost since the beginning... The horrible emptiness of the evenings of the last week in London, the fact that I have never encumbered her with my problems and woes, no matter how horrible I felt... The fact that I pretty much jumped at the chance to find myself 500 kilometres away from her instead of 9000... Or maybe I didn't, but that doesn't change the fact that I am madly in love with that smart and beautiful being this girl is. It's ironic, how I never believed people saying love always turns out like this, how I would know I was in love even though it's almost impossible to define that feeling, only to find out that they were right after all... Then again, I don't mind. Because even though the above may sound contrary, the dominant feeling I am experiencing at present is pure and overwhelming happiness :D

And yet there is a bit of sadness here: those 500 km are still a non-negligible distance and considering both of us have got obligations where we are, it is unlikely to get permanently decreased within the next 2-3 years. I can of course visit her, she can visit me, but that costs money, we've got our time limitations, so there is no real chance of doing this more often that a weekend every two weeks or so. A sissy, you call me? You've had to endure with months of separation? We've got IM, VoIP and videoconferencing nowadays? Of course you're right. Still, we only said goodbye in RL to each other one day ago, one hour ago online, and I already feel the pining building up in me... Therefore, in addition to the fact I simply wanted to share my joy with all of you wonderful people, especially those who had a doubtful privilege of listening to me whining or having to support me in difficult moments, I am asking you for help. I feel like spending the rest of my life with that wonder God put in my path; I don't want to lose her because of something as mundane as distance (or nothing else in fact, but that's what worries me the most now). If you would like to share any suggestions or experiences pertaining to maintaining and cultivating (I would like it to flourish as well as possible under these circumstances) a long-distance relationship, please speak; forum, PM, e-mail, IRC, they are fine by me. I will be eternally grateful.

Yours truly,
Marecki, the eternal worrier (but now in LUUUV! \o/)

theBlackman on 16/5/2006 at 08:07

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Forget PM, Email and the like. Use Voice (telephone) or real letters.

The voice contact is the most important, with a personal hand-written note/missive of yearning and undying love, the second best.

Contact on the internet is too impersonal, even salted with Smilies. Send her a recorded voice message attached to a Email, if you have that option, but use the telephone frequently so the convesation can be two sided.

And don't forget the silly things. A flower or two on your anniversary (the day you first met) make a big deal of it and she'll think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Little things like that and frequent person to person conversations, even if only by telephony.

PS. Welcome to the US, and the chaos that is the San Francisco/Oakland/Berkeley scene. :thumb: :thumb:

dvrabel on 16/5/2006 at 10:51

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Obligations to who? If you're going to stay at this research position in Berkley because you feel obligated to rather than because you want to then I think after 2-3 years you will resent it.

Sap'em on 16/5/2006 at 13:09

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yay for love!!:D

Gingerbread Man on 16/5/2006 at 13:14

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At least you're in the right COUNTRY. :grr:

Bay to Basin is a fair hike, but Jesus... every couple of weeks? I'd swap in a heartbeat.

Anyway, every time I think I'm being a pussy I just think that Vigil and Morrgan had everyone beat.

It'll work out fine if you both want it to. I know that for a fact, Jack.