SubvertizingOrg on 1/12/2022 at 18:25
Humans tho.
SubvertizingOrg on 1/12/2022 at 18:38
Quote Posted by Tocky
I think the main reason people don't respond to threads like these is because they wish to do no harm. It's like the physician's oath.
...Then they don't respond because they have no confidence that their words won't hurt me? My god, what is there to worry about? Do I seem like a super-sensitive comfort-zoney type of person to you? No words are going to upset me. If I find them disagreeable, I'll open a dialog to try to find where the misunderstanding is, and if I can't find it that's all good as well. I'm not harmed by words. I'm not harmed by anything I see, or anything I happen to discover ffs. The only thing I'm harmed by in this world is
physical material assault on my living body. I know this world will always be beyond my precise interpretation and I'm really not afraid of that at all. I embrace what I don't know.
Tocky on 1/12/2022 at 20:17
I have little to no experience with bipolar disorder. I'm sure most folks don't know what to say. I just know the things that get me out of depression. One of those things is talking to friends. You say you haven't talked to your friends in years. Have you tried locating and calling them?
Also, all jobs are work. Next to nobody wants to flog themselves out of bed in the morning to go to them. We do it for the things we really do live for though. There is simply no free ride unless you are born rich. Not sure how people are spying on you. Cameras? Those are lots of places. I just ignore them. They aren't worth thinking about. What are they going to find out? That I mess around on here between calls? When there is something that needs doing I do it. They know that. That I feed the dog that comes by for a visit? Meh. I got nothing to hide. I don't care if there are secret cameras. Just be you and expect they accept you or not. I wouldn't worry about it.
SubvertizingOrg on 1/12/2022 at 21:20
[EDIT: I was apparently really drunk when I wrote this post. Deleted because it was incoherent (and incomplete).]
heywood on 1/12/2022 at 21:36
If it's just cameras in the workplace then I wouldn't be fussed about it. Nobody has time to sit there and FF through all the security camera footage from the last day looking to find something. The security cameras are there to protect the business owner from getting sued if something happens. Besides, if you're working in a kitchen, everybody knows whether you're pulling your weight or not. Being a dishwasher ain't the best full time gig. I get that.
It can be hard to respond to people who present as needy if you don't know them personally. My mother and brother were bipolar, and when they were down, they were itching for a fight. And to be honest with you, there's probably a lot of people here who think you might be trolling or posting under the influence because a high percentage of threads you create are a bit over the top.
Sulphur on 2/12/2022 at 05:26
Okay.
So the only thing that I know from experience that helps anyone in the cycles of depression and mania and everything else that goes on with bipolar disorder is this: listening without judgement, and when they're a little settled, helping them to reframe negative thoughts into something less harmful.
This forum isn't the best place to get that, though by all means if you can find peace from people here, do so. The internet will not refrain from judging you, DtG, and as long as you're able to accept that not all people here will be kind to you - when you're not spinning out, and, but also especially, if you are - then I hope you find a stable equilibrium. We've shat on you in the past, because it's easy to do so, and because you wanted it, which is the exact sort of codependency the internet is perfect at enabling. With enough time it's become clear that you have your not-insubstantial demons to deal with; everyone does, but that doesn't make yours any less than theirs. I appreciate that you're trying to deal with your issues the best way you know how, and while we're not all bastions of patience (I have very little, for instance), we're not complete shitheels either. I'm crossing my fingers that better days find you.
Qooper on 2/12/2022 at 08:09
Quote Posted by SubvertizingOrg
Why do you ask? You couldn't be that friend, could you?
I'll be your friend. I live in Finland, so meeting in RL is difficult, but I read these forums frequently. Some weeks I'm offline due to working longer hours, but in general I'm here.
I was wondering, do you do mapping for any games? I used to make maps for Doom 1 and 2, and also Half-Life 1. It was a lot of fun.
Quote:
I don't know who you are Qooper but please keep looking out for me as such yes? <3
My name is Miika. I got your back my friend :)
SubvertizingOrg on 2/12/2022 at 23:01
Tocky: I woke up to find I had attempted to respond to your last post yesterday while very drunk, and I have no idea what I was trying to say (nothing that makes sense) but it's deleted now so please kindly ignore. (I should note, I get drunk because often I literally can't fall asleep otherwise, and my body needs sleep ye know.)
Anyway I'll pick up on this thread as I can find the mental clarity to do so.
Tocky on 3/12/2022 at 02:48
No problem. I'm hardly one to fault anyone on getting drunk for any reason. You were just blowing off steam. I understand. It must be frustrating. We are cool.
SubvertizingOrg on 4/12/2022 at 05:51
Oh yeah, this thread. Happy Saturday TTLG. Let's see where I can pick this up. :thumb:
Quote Posted by Tocky
Not sure how people are spying on you. Cameras? Those are lots of places. I just ignore them. They aren't worth thinking about. What are they going to find out? That I mess around on here between calls? When there is something that needs doing I do it. They know that. That I feed the dog that comes by for a visit? Meh. I got nothing to hide. I don't care if there are secret cameras. Just be you and expect they accept you or not. I wouldn't worry about it.
So…the spying on me thing is a story I don't wish to write out in an essay right now, or ever, nor feel the need to anymore because luckily I seem to have put a hard halt on the shitty behavior in the last day or so (
had to employ some pretty drastic measures to do so—no interest in going into detail). And honestly I don't even feel like talking too much about all the spying shit right now as it seems like it's finally a thing of the past. I just don't understand the behavior as I have witnessed and put up with it in the past two months. It wasn't cameras around and my own paranoia etc. People were literally reading everything I typed on my laptop and watching everything I did in my own home—neighbors at my current apartment, neighbors at my last apartment, neighbors at the one before that…and it all came back to my workplace, too. An ex-coworker very formally admitted to spying on me as such. I have no interest in going into the story that led to this behavior, all I know is this:
Electronics, telecommunication, information technology, social media— have
WARPED peoples' minds —globally, but very particularly in this awful country that I happen to live in. This country, this fatal culture, this doomed society, these people have
no idea what rational, reasonable human communication is anymore.OKAY I'VE TALKED TOO MUCH ABOUT THE SPYING SHALL I MOVE ON
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
