AR Master on 12/10/2008 at 02:55

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Well, I guess my life has finally caught up to me. After all the fast living, high balling, race insulting, homeless killing and assorted blank blanking, I got a piece of medical news that hit me like so much hubris hit the Titanic when they cloned those dinosaurs on it:

I (probably) have a brain tumour (sort of)!

OH FUCK YES IMMA BOUT TO DROP SOME LIVE TO THE FUKKEN JOUR TO THE FUKKEN NAAAAAAAAL YEAAAAAAAH BOIIIIIIIII AAAAAAAAAAAAAA IN DIS HIER PIECE MY NIGRAS

About six months ago or so I noticed I wasn't really feeling like myself. I felt more like a passive observer to my life, in control of a really boring robot or something. I had lost most sense of emotion or facility to care about anything, which was really weird because anyone who knows me knows how passionately I care about the sick and less privledged and minorities. But, when it comes to the point where I can't even feel bothered to get snarky, something is wrong. As any red blooded God fearing manly man did, I ignored it and continued life as normal.

Shortly thereafter all my energy seemed to disappear. I'd wake up from 10, 11, 12 hours of sleep and feel like I just went to bed. All my strength was gone, as I couldn't move the weights I was moving the week previous in the gym, and couldn't stay for as long as I had. I chalked it up to just needing to eat more and forgot about it. I started to get pissed because I stopped making muscle gains and actually felt like I was starting to atrophy and get fatter around the middle, which was a major pissoff in my lifestyle, but I ignored it and figured I needed to swim more.

A month ago I was totally getting my mack on with this slut and boom- nothing happened. "Oh it happens to all guys eventually" she said, snickering. I considered this for a few hours as I finished filling the shallow grave in with lime and figured it wasn't normal for an active, healthy testosterone-sweating 22 year old male. I went to the university clinic and had them run some blood tests looking at my horomone levels.

They came back off the charts. I was producing as much testosterone as a 12 year old girl and my pituitary horomones were all manners of fucked up, apparently. The docs said "this can't be" and reran the tests.

Same thing.

"Oh this doesn't mean anything serious probably. It's probably stress, or depression. Are you eating enough? Here, let me feel your testicles. Hmm, aside from being the biggest and most robust I've ever seen there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with your balls" said the docs.

"Well fuck you guys, I want a second opinion," I said, and caught a train back home to my family doctor. He looked over the blood results, looked at my symptoms and in about 4 minutes came to the conclusion it was a tumour-like growth pushing on my pituitary gland, called something like a pituitary adenoma. He said they develop early and grow, eventually fucking up the pituitary and as a side effect, testosterone, which would account for those symptoms. He asked if I had been having headaches or vision problems. Yeah, ocular migraines since I hit puberty but much more frequently as of late. Well that tears it, he says. You definitely have a brain tumour!

fuck

"You need an emergency MRI right the fuck now!" He says, scribbling such on his pad. "Go back to London and go to the emergency room and tell them I want you to get an emergency MRI to rule out pituitary admonemdnealass"

So I did and I go and I wait and I wait. And wait. It takes 6 hours from admittance to resident Dr. to tell me "mnnnnnnnnnno, I'm not convinced your brain is in dire need of saving, let's have you see an endocrinologist and we'll see what he says"

So at this point I come down to 2 options: Either something fucked up my hormones and I'll need replacement therapy for the rest of my life or there's a growth in my brain that needs excising and I get to have emergency neurosurgery before I go blind from ocular pressure.

WHAT FUN yeehaw etc etc i dont even care any more

Here's a tip should any of you dicks start to feel weird: Just shoot yourself; it's worth it in the long run

Starrfall on 12/10/2008 at 03:27

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That fucking sucks and I hope it turns out ok

Scots Taffer on 12/10/2008 at 04:04

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Shit.

Good luck, man.

Hopefully you'll be back with a story of how the fucking crazy anaesthetist was toting a shotgun around because some nazi bastard had just screwed his daughter and the coke-addled surgeon is the nazi bastard himself and this all comes out while your brain is open on the operating table. And you're somehow conscious.

The_Raven on 12/10/2008 at 04:23

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Don't you need your brain for, you know, smart making?



Man, what a bitch! Didn't she think that you'd probably feel bad enough without rubbing it in?

pavlovscat on 12/10/2008 at 04:52

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I can understand a little bit of what you are going through. I honestly thought I had a brain tumor. It turned out that it was only MS. Frankly, I'd have taken the pop top head & lovely hair cut so they could melon ball my brain and fix the problem. Instead, I have a disease with no cure that fucks up my life on a regular basis. That really sucks.

Not to mention the effect of all the drugs I need to take on my sex drive. My poor husband married a wild woman who couldn't get enough sex. Now, he keeps a bottle of lube by the bedside just in case...

Hopefully, whatever it is, they'll fix it, and you'll be up to your usual tricks.