fett on 3/9/2009 at 17:05
Quote Posted by BrokenArts
My daughter when she was about 3, started to get fussy at Target, I told her we'll leave right now, if you don't settle down. NOOO, she didn't want to go. Well then, pipe down, be a good girl, and lets go shopping, and she did.
This is how I "trained" my two boys to act like actual people in a store. At one point, each of them has either tried to throw a tantrum, or wouldn't stop asking/whining for something. I told them to cut it out or we were leaving, and I've done it to both of them - literally put everything back on the shelves, picked them up and walked out. I only had to do it once per kid and they figured out it wasn't worth it. Pain in the ass for me because I had to go back the next day to get groceries, but it was well worth it both times for the quick and easy shopping I do now with both of them in tow.
Still, what the fuck? If somebody who I don't know touches my kids, there will be imminent and extreme violence. If you can't put up with a crying kid, why the fuck are you working in a Wal-Mart?
BrokenArts on 3/9/2009 at 17:51
What I want to know is, why do so many parents today just not give a fuck what their kids do in the stores? Not all them, no, just a lot of them do whatever they please. Why the degradation of values, morals, and doing the right thing while out in public. Teaching kids manners is not high on the list. Its too much to ask I guess.
CCCToad on 3/9/2009 at 19:12
Quote Posted by BrokenArts
What I want to know is, why do so many parents today just not give a fuck what their kids do in the stores? Not all them, no, just a lot of them do whatever they please. Why the degradation of values, morals, and doing the right thing while out in public. Teaching kids manners is not high on the list. Its too much to ask I guess.
To me, the answer is the same one as to why the parents in Children of Rockdale county acted the way they did.
They are just too self-absorbed to care or notice their kid's needs.
I think that, moreso than any analysts about the fear of physical punishment, socioeconomic factor, or other underlying reason is what causes that. Its a case where the experts can't see the trees, only the forest.
Starrfall on 3/9/2009 at 19:17
Or maybe its because sometimes the best way to teach them manners is to ignore them when they're being shitty little bastards.
Thief13x on 3/9/2009 at 19:41
doesn't work...my flight was 1.5 hours! I tried to ignore it because I know if you feed it with attention it only gets worse...but cmon, really it was nonstop takeoff to landing. Maybe was just the kid, no idea...
Starrfall on 3/9/2009 at 19:58
You scenario sounds entirely different though - that wasn't an parent/guardian ignoring the child in the hopes they'd knock it off, that was the parent/guardian actively encouraging it and that's fucked up.
fett on 3/9/2009 at 20:20
I've tried ignoring it on occasion, but with my boys it just seems to escalate into a full blown meltdown. It's not really an issue of me as a parent being an authority figure and not wanting to be embarrassed - it has everything to do with the fact similar behavior by adults is not tolerated in society, and is counterproductive (usually) to the goal of the tantrum, and it's part of my job to teach them how to function in that society. So I basically have a no tolerance policy when it comes to throwing fits.
That said, you can't discourage or punish a child for expressing their emotions, so I think it's important to trace the reason for the outburst. If it's because someone took something that belonged to them, it's perfectly acceptable for them to be angry, loud, and physical - especially when they're old enough to take back what belongs to them. If I punish them unfairly or disproportionately, they need to be able to express their outrage, but in a way that is productive in reaching an understanding - not with throwing things and screaming. The point is to teach them to express strong emotions responsibly, so they'll do the same when they're older.
But if they're expressing anger because they have the "gimmies" (which is typically what's going on in the check out line), that's rooted in either greed (they already have 5,087 Hot Wheels cars and don't need anymore) or unfounded entitlement, both of which are destructive traits in an adult. No tolerance.
That's the basic philosophy we use, and I think my boys are well-adjusted, good-natured, happy kids. But they're also well behaved in public and private because we have established rules of conduct - not through spanking and screaming, but through demonstrating that those tactics simply don't work. Buying them a Hot Wheels car just for the hell of it from time to time helps as well, but they don't feel they deserve it just for being civilized - that's the default.
Chade on 3/9/2009 at 22:04
It doesn't always work like that however. Some children are not fazed by punishment ... the more the better. Possibly because they want the attention, or because their parents fight and they think it is normal.
Also, you can't usually judge parents just because their children are chucking a fit at a supermarket. My wife spends a considerable amount of time with one parent who seemed to do everything right, and yet still had a terribly bratty child for a couple of months.
Starrfall on 3/9/2009 at 22:10
The lesson is probably that the best parent is the one who adapts to his or her kid instead of trying to box them into whatever the latest theory is. (Lesson two is to not judge the parent unless they're obviously being asses because they might be doing the best thing possible in whatever the situation is, which I think is what Chade just said.)
