fett on 10/10/2007 at 15:12

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...but Bowie was rockin' the mullet back in the day, yo.

So I'm driving around Saturday when this odd sensation comes over me. It's the sensation you might experience when you suddenly look up at the clock, look around at your friends, then look at all the empty bottles piled around and realize, "Oh shit. I drank all that?"

I pulled over to the side of the road, hoping for a stroke, or cardiac infarction (neither are far from my reach at any given moment to begin with), or something that please god would relieve the vertigo, the nausea, the headache that had descended upon me as I drove down the road, minding my own business (ok, I was yelling some Onyx lyrics at pedestrians as I passed, but they were white and they deserved it).

I call my wife in a drunken haze, she picks me up, and we make for the emergency room. Four hours, one blood test, saline drip, and MRI later, they can't find anything wrong with me. I also had them do a blood alcohol test even though I haven't had anything to drink in near two weeks. Nothing.

Go to my internal medicine doc and he diagnosis me with 'Acute Labyrinthia' - a viral infection of the inner ear that causes no pain, but disturbs equilibrium and causes all the symptoms I'm experiencing. It can't be treated with anti-biotics, and it can last anywhere from 3 days to 3 weeks. Microbiology Mid-term, here I come WOOHOO!

It wouldn't be so bad to lay around with a buzz for a few days, but this is constant, from the moment my feet hit the floor till I go to bed. Even when I get up to pee at 3 am, I'm stumbling around bashing my face into the doorways and such. It sucks to be smashed and not have enjoyed the process of getting that way.

Oddly, I can read and type fairly well, but I'm feeling a bit erm... loose. For instance, yesterday at a restaurant, the waiter knocked over a wet floor sign that was arms length from me. He grabbed it between his legs to keep it from falling because his hands were occupied with a platter. I was just trying to be helpful, so I reached out and grabbed it. The stunned silence from my wife, 6 year old son, and the waiter himself clued me in that maybe I'd touched him inappropriately. So I then launched into a 5 minute discourse about how I'm not gay, but not homophobic per se, am a happily married hetero, etc. Which would have been fine except that apparently I inflicted this speech on the elderly couple sitting at the next table, and peppered it with such words as 'anal' and 'sex'. I couldn't tell you because it's all a blur.

I won't remember this post in about 10 minutes, so if there's anything you want to say to me, do it now. Because I love you guys man.

37637598 on 10/10/2007 at 16:15

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Is this the part where we get to say nasty things, and do stuff like this???



Well I in some form feel your pain man... You see;

When I was 16, I worked in a music store and had some bad influences. It was around that time I was introduces to marijuana and all of the fun ways to do/take/smoke this drug/herb/plant. One day, 37637598 has some pot in his pocket. He decides he and some friends need to smoke it at work (idiot), yet has nothing to smoke it out of. BUT WAIT, I see a cool whip bucket with a lid, the hollow shaft of a pen, and a drill bit. Somehow the drill bit fit perfectly over the pen shaft, and was the perfect size to load a bowl in. I then poked a hole in the lid of the cool whip bucket, stuck the pen shaft in, poked a hole in the side of the bucket (near the top), filled some water in the bucket up to the bottom of the pen shaft, and then had a bubbler!

Smoke, smoke, smoke... Wow, I feel weird. REALLY fricken weird... My legs went numb and cold, I could feel cold water rushing through my veins. My eyesight went fisheye, I couldn't focus on any one thing, EVERYTHING within my view was one thing, but it wasn't blurry, though I couldn't focus on it. It was just there. I couldn't think. I stayed away from customers for the rest of the day and decided that before I went home, I was going to go skating (hoping the high would wear off before I got home and my found out). I really thought a few times that I was going to have a heart attack. My chest started hurting, and I could feel my heart moving. Nothing seemed real, but like I was in a dream though I know it was real. When I was done skating, I was still just as high...

I went home and the first thing I see, my parents yelling at me! I was thinking 'SHIT how did they find out already, I just walked in the door!', but little to my knowledge they were mad at me for going skating without telling them. I couldn't focus on the lecture so I played it off like I was a badass and said "Whatever, I only went to skate, you guys act like I'm going to do drugs or something!" I then stormed off into my room. They didn't get mad or follow me in, they were more shocked because I've never done that before. It was then that I realized I am no less a human than them. And so the rebellion begins.

I went to sleep and the next morning, I was just as high as the previous day. I went through the whole day forgetting I was helping a customer, or making really stupid answers to their questions; "What kind of guitar strings do you carry here?" "We have guitar strings, bass strings, violin, banjo"... "Oh sorry, I meant what kind of GUITAR strings do you guys carry" "Oh we have 10's 9's 11's 14's" "What brands though?". That was the hardest thing I've had to do in my life! So after a full day of that, I went home, played morrowind or something, went to bed. The next day, same exact thing. It got me worried... Did I kill all my brain cells??? I scrounged through the garbage can looking for the bubbler I’d made, and to my surprise, The pen shaft we used was MELTED!!! Burnt toxic chemicals, PCB, released into the air I smoked, now in my blood stream...


My 'HIGH' lasted a total of 5 days, I never did get caught, I'm lucky I didn't die, and I think the fact that I used a bubbler had allot to do with my living today. Lesson learned, don't make a pipe out of plastic. You'll inhale the pipe! I later discovered the reason I got it bad and no-one else did, because I held the lighter really close to the bowl which allowed the flame to pass through the metal bowl, and down into the plastic shaft, melting it.

Why did I feel the need to tell you all about this? Maybe because it's a good story, of to justify why I'm such an idiot... Drugs are bad kids, don't do em'.

Gingerbread Man on 10/10/2007 at 17:15

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:o

Also


Damn straight. http://www.ttlg.com/gbm/sothere.gif

Shoshin on 10/10/2007 at 19:19

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Thanks to 37637598's story, I will never smoke a pen again.

Scots Taffer on 10/10/2007 at 23:28

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Well that sucks, get better fett, but listen to this: I heard of a guy recently who has a blood disorder that creates alcohol in his bloodstream. He's not had a drink in 2 years but is permanently pissed or hungover. THAT is super fucked up.