BrokenArts on 12/6/2007 at 14:37

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You REALLY think so? To a point yes. What Koyla is also doing is building himself a nice new forum name as an Ashat that doesn't give a damn about anything or anyone else but himself, bit trollish.

If he doesn't like a thread, or disagrees with it fine. That is his choice and his opinion, somethings are better left unsaid, this one such case. He needs to learn that. He knows damn well what he's doing, why is he doing it? I don't really know, don't really care either, it's his reason, and the motivation behind it, meh.

The end result will be the same for me. He's a jerk, and doesn't care, and spews his garbage on whomever and whatever he see's fit. No thanks.

Fingernail on 12/6/2007 at 14:45

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Oh come on, it's days after Dia poster her thread which is still one of the top active threads. If Koyla didn't think it would come off as a direct response to that, he simply wasn't thinking. I'm sure it wasn't his intention to cause grief to Dia or anyone particularly, but it displays an utter lack of thought as to how his thread would be received.

Rug Burn Junky on 12/6/2007 at 15:01

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The point he's making is perfectly valid: when you're talking about people gushing endlessly about celebrities that they've never met, whether that's Steve Irwin, the Queen Mother, Mother Teresa, or even Joey Ramone. Hell, I'm the first one to break up the pseudo emo sobfests over some recent celebrity dying (even if I do post a number of my own - RIP Joe Strummer). There is a line between recognition of the meaning that a celebrity has for you, and actually mourning over them as though they were a friend, and people that can't recognize that do deserve some criticism.

But fuck, when someone has a personal loss, even if you are only acquainted with them a little bit, how hard is it to feel just a touch of empathy? It's an entirely different thing. No, not mourning for the person who's passed, but at least helping to console the person that you actually know (even if only through text).

It's kind of ironic that this is pretty much in response to Dia's thread, because when she got here, I couldn't think of her as anything but shallow and phony. Almost exactly what Kolya is describing. A number of us had been here for years, and she hopped in a bit presumptuously and acted as though she were already friends with all of us.

But a funny thing happened. She became one of the fixtures that everyone knows. She got a feel for the rest of us, and suddenly, the interactions that were forced and fakish at first became very genuine. So when she tells us that her husband has passed away, even a heartless bastard like myself can feel for her.

I'm certainly biased. (http://www.ttlg.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3796) 9/11 hit (http://www.ttlg.com/forums/showthread.php?t=46033) me fucking (http://www.ttlg.com/forums/showthread.php?t=56964) hard. To this day, I'll never forget the people on this board who helped me through it. That alone is one of the major reasons that I was so broken up over fluke.

I don't care how insincere you think someone may be in one of the condolence threads, if it helps Dia, or glslvrfan, or whomever else, then who the fuck is anyone to shit on it like this?

Dia on 12/6/2007 at 15:17

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I realize Kolya didn't mean to cause me or anyone else who's lost a loved one additional grief. But Fingernail is right; this thread does come off as a pretty blatant response to mine - rather, to the responses in mine. Kolya sounded (imo) as if he was slamming those whose responses were just one sentence or just a few words, which I think is terribly unfair. Sometimes there just aren't any words, and though most people don't want to keep quoting platitudes, sometimes that's all there is to say.

Believe it or not Kolya, it's just as comforting to read something like 'Very sorry to hear about your loss' as it is to read a whole paragraph full of sympathy. Either/or, those responses mean that someone did take time out of their busy day to let the bereaved know they were thinking of them and to offer that person comfort and sympathy.

And there's absolutely nothing wrong with someone saying 'Gee, I wish I'd known him', or 'He sounds like he really must have been a great guy'. When someone like me posts a thread about a lost loved one it's because they want everyone to know and remember what a wonderful person their loved one was. I don't want to forget my husband (not that that's possible), but personally I'm still at the stage of grief where I want to hold on to him; even if it's only by memories . And I want all my friends, be they on the Internet or in RL, to know and remember him as well. That way the deceased loved one will live on (in a sense) in memory.

Whether a person's response to a thread by a grieving survivor is one sentence, a paragraph, or a whole page; and whether the person who's posting a response has 'known' the bereaved for a year, two, or a day, it all comes down to one thing: wanting to show respect for a fellow human being.

And that's something that was noticeably lacking in your original post, Kolya.

And your timing sucks as well.

fett on 12/6/2007 at 18:33

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Well, my contribution to the 'make TTLG an awesome thing' discussion was, "tactless and cynical porn, and lots of it." As usual, I was dismissed as a troll, but when Dave and GBM's webcam ads start appearing at the top of the forums, who'll they come crying back to? Yeah, that's right. :mad: