TTK12G3 on 15/10/2009 at 15:03
Quote Posted by Vivian
Unrelated, but my coffee tastes like weed. Is that normal?
You tell us.
Vivian on 15/10/2009 at 15:19
But I asked you.
New Horizon on 15/10/2009 at 15:38
Quote Posted by Vivian
oh fffffssss. I hate it when people think being 'friends' means anything special. The relationship between people is what it is. You get along and like each other to varying degrees, sometimes a lot and it's awesome, sometime's not much and it's, y'know, pleasant and stuff, but not earth-shaking. And sometimes there's sex (special friends), which doesn't hurt. However, because you are 'friends' with someone DOES NOT MEAN THEY OWE YOU A DAMN THING. If someone's not talking to you, they don't want to talk to you. Not much you can or should do about it, it's their choice.
Yup, I fully agree with everything you said, except that you're talking about are
acquaintances, not
friends.
Friendship IS special, if the people involved have a firm understanding of the word. An acquaintance on the other hand...is exactly what you're describing.
I don't expect a bloody thing from an acquaintance, they're just someone I 'have met' or 'kind of' know, and they don't expect anything from me. Friendship is different. I owe a friend my trust, loyalty, and respect...until they have proven to me they deserve none of it...at which point, they have simply shown themselves to be an acquaintance. If I, or someone who 'calls themselves' my friend, have created a dynamic between us, I will honor that dynamic and be consistent. If I can't be consistent because of personal problems...I'll let them know. If my behavior hurts them, I will apologize. They deserve that as human beings alone, but as my friend...they especially deserve my compassion. Friendship is a relationship...with varying levels of intimacy.
Casual friendships probably fall somewhere between acquaintances and friends, and while some friendships do have their rocky points, arguments and what have you...loyalty, respect and trust is still present. A 'friend' doesn't drop you for the flavor of the week....unless they're somewhat of a sociopath...and I have encountered a few of those in my day.
In my experience, I have been mislead by their misuse and misunderstanding of the word friendship. I'm pretty sure it's a consequence of the time we live in. I've seen the disconnect grow, and it's especially evident in younger kids. My friends growing up were tight....yet I don't see that same level of devotion very often anymore. Pretty sad. A true friendship is so rewarding. I'm thankful for the ones I have.
Vivian on 15/10/2009 at 16:17
Well, I think there is a continuum, not a dichotomy. If someone who was your friend (as in, you got on really well) isn't your friend any more, well... that's a shame, but you can't go around calling people a backstabber for it. People are weird and private inside their own heads, I hate trying to apply specific rules of behaviour and then get annoyed if I find they've been broken. Do you see what I mean? It's like you rank people, and if people meet a certain rank in your eyes then you get to act all jealous if they do something else. Which is bullshit.
Queue on 15/10/2009 at 16:33
Could just be that pot you're drinking.
I mean pot of coffee.
Turtle on 15/10/2009 at 16:42
Quote Posted by Vivian
Unrelated, but my coffee tastes like weed. Is that normal?
Obvious solution: roll up that coffee filter and take some hits. If you feel hyper, it's coffee. If you feel lazy, it's weed.
New Horizon on 15/10/2009 at 16:55
Quote Posted by Vivian
Well, I think there is a continuum, not a dichotomy. If someone who was your friend (as in, you got on really well) isn't your friend any more, well... that's a shame, but you can't go around calling people a backstabber for it. People are weird and private inside their own heads, I hate trying to apply specific rules of behaviour and then get annoyed if I find they've been broken. Do you see what I mean? It's like you rank people, and if people meet a certain rank in your eyes then you get to act all jealous if they do something else. Which is bullshit.
I was leaning more toward a continuum myself. Sure, things can change gradually over time...that's reality. Friends can grow into and out of each other. That's natural, and it's generally non-destructive. Even in those cases, a bond still exists. I have tons of people that were always around, and things changed. I don't see them all the time, but if we do see each other...we're still connected. That's not what is being discussed in this thread. The thread is addressing a sudden shift....and that's a good sign that it was never really a friendship anyway. It was just a surface thing.
1. Personally, I don't get jealous....
2. I don't rank....and...
3. I don't consider someone a backstabber if they aren't my 'friend' anymore, simply because I would have come to learn they never were, and were only an acquaintance all along.
No specific rules or behavior are ever expected to be followed 100% to the letter, that would be completely anal, however, there is much to be said for working a little harder to maintain a level of respect toward friends, and acquaintances alike.
I don't care if I am annoyed by someone letting me down, I'll simply tell them they did. If they disappear in a puff of smoke because they didn't like what I said...no problem 'acquaintance' but if they stick around and actually show interest in trying to do better...then they're showing their intent and dedication toward being a friend.
I agree, friendship is not a black or white, all or nothing type of thing, but there is a very clear distinction between what friends and acquaintances are.
Vivian on 15/10/2009 at 18:21
Fair enough then.
TTK12G3 on 15/10/2009 at 19:43
Quote Posted by Queue
Could just be that pot you're drinking.
I mean
pot of coffee.I agree. We should all drink Vivian's pot of coffee.
Vivian on 15/10/2009 at 19:53
I predict that if you actually smoked a mixture of pot and coffee you'd turn into stephen fry.
... by which I mean verbose, insightful and slightly unhinged. And overweight.
