Scots Taffer on 25/9/2008 at 00:36
I have a few questions:
- Any attempts made, via therapy or similar, to actually get to the root of what might be causing your manic depression?
- Or do you believe the problem to be purely chemical?
If you believe it to be a chemical imbalance that's causing your compulsive and destructive behaviour, though the medication is numbing it's also one of the only things keeping you out of trouble. Determining a concoction of medication that keeps your problems at bay but also allows you to feel more than the medicated numbness would be a good idea - I second speaking to a Doctor about this before trying cocktails yourself.
If you think there might be a psychological reason for your recurring behaviour, try taking it into therapy (is this cost prohibitive? try a free service of some sort first?) and try slowly downgrading your meds.
I personally think the worst thing imaginable would be to go cold turkey on your medication. By the sounds of it you have not gotten to the root cause of your depression and out of the foggy medicated haze you'd quickly find your sense of wonder and clarity of perspective again, quickly followed by the crushing onslaught of negative emotions.
Remember there's not just you going through this now, it's your closer family and fiancee.
Also, FYI, Zoloft is far more addictive and far harder to come off than a weaker antidepressant so bear that in mind. Same goes for Effexor and Paxil.
The Alchemist on 25/9/2008 at 05:22
I appreciate all the input, it's all very very helpful and I'll do my best to implement it.
<3
sp4f on 25/9/2008 at 16:27
Having been severely depressed and on and off depression medication for the last 15 years (back on again for the next few years) I would seriously consult your doctor and/or your psychiatrist and tell them everything you've talked about in your post especially your moodswings. To be honest you are unlikely to be put on Zoloft or Lithium unless your doctor is some sort of crazy idiot or until they've tried most other antidepressants on you without effect.
I've taken Citalopram (what Lexapro is called in the UK) before at the 60mg dosage and I had the same sort of cyclical moods, random crying, violence and not quite being right feelings. These days I take Mirtazapine which seems to work a lot better for me, mostly in the not being suicidal and being interested in my life.
Also what kind of therapy are you having, is it just talk sessions or is it related to Cognitive Behaviour Therapy? I ask because my last psychiatrist was a bit useless but the mental health nurse who I was recently having sessions with introduced me to CBT and it seems to have been a lot of help.
Also, don't touch St John's Wort while taking any sort of antidepressant as you run the risk of serotonin syndrome which would be less than pleasant.
Hope some of that helps.
Ko0K on 26/9/2008 at 04:53
Quote Posted by sp4f
nurse who I was recently having sessions with...CBT
I've always wanted to have cock between thighs sessions with nurses, too.
Thief13x on 26/9/2008 at 04:58
umm...HE'S NOT 14 GUYS:D really! I know it's hard to believe!
ko0k you arn't 14 are you?
fuck!
Ko0K on 26/9/2008 at 10:31
Is there some sense I'm supposed to make out of this babble, or are you trying to tell me that you forgot to take your Tourette's medication?
Kolya on 26/9/2008 at 14:47
Quote Posted by sp4f
cyclical moods, random crying, violence and not quite being right feelings [...] not being suicidal and being interested in my life
Man, I'm happy none of this shit ever happens to me. In the morning I jump out of bed like sunshine itself, blow a kiss to the new day and tap dance to work. My mood never changes, I never cry, never get violent and always feel safe and snugly in the company of all my friends. I'm always friendly and interested in their situation. I say hello to life. There are so many fun things and people I still want to know!
:D
xxcoy on 26/9/2008 at 15:25
Quote Posted by Thief13x
FYI I didn't read your ENTIRE post because I'm kinda on the run at the moment, but if you're dealing with minor-moderate depression, try St John's Wort (available at walgreens and walmart or any drugstore). It's the primary substance used over in Germany to treat depression and has little to no side effects and no withdrawl whatsoever.
The downside is it takes a few weeks to kick in and is not entirely effective in treating severe depression.
It's not effective in any "real" depression. A depression is not a state of mind you can change if you just set yourself straight, it has to do (as far as I remember from my study at med scool - it's not my field) with a lack of messenger substance inside the brain and you won't change that by some meds from the supermarket. You should
really get professional help. You might even make it worse if you don't and just take some pills you do not know enough about.
Apart of that we do not entirely know about all side effects of St. John's Worth. You might get sensitive to UV-light as far as I know - but that's all I remember - and that kicks in quite fast. You can get a sunburn in a few minutes then even if it's a cloudy day (depending on your skin type a bit slower).
The worst about that particular drug is that it is often not sold by trustworthy sources.
In (above mentioned) Germany for obvious reasons most potent or possibly dangerous drugs are only available for someone if they are prescribed by a doctor. Restraints are far more rigorous than in the USA e.g..
Those meds usually are under strict quality surveillance.
Means: You get what you payed for - and not a lot of addends you did not, such as traces of lead, antibiotics or contents of chemical manure.
You also can be quite sure about the dose one pill contents. It won't change from nothing to nearly an overdose of the active agent comparing two or three pills.
Third thing is the drug will have had a long-term testing in it's effectiveness and it's collateral effects before it was given admission.
St. John's Woth does not fall in the category of those medicaments. It can be bought and sold freely which means there are nearly no quality surveillances and you will never know which land the drug was imported from and how the plants were treated there. You won't even know if and how much of the active agent is actually in the pills for they are not tested at all.
Worst if they are "herbal only" - which unfortunately usually means "not controlled at all" concerning dose or unwanted addends.
I don't know much about the effectiveness of the drug when it comes to mood swings not related to a real depression - maybe after having had a divorce or after some beloved's death. But I can only dissuade from just trying it.
Get professional help and after that get any meds from some controlled source even if they are more expensive.
The Alchemist on 26/9/2008 at 15:49
Yes, my depression is chemical, not psychological. I'm a very strong willed person, psychologically, and I'm also very optimistic and kind and open minded, and despite all this I still suffer crippling depression at times. My therapist is regular talk therapy? But it helps a lot, I have a really shitty family situation (or lack thereof) so its been pretty cool to get advice from a third party older person who seems to give a shit (or pretends to anyway).
I spoke to my doc and he told me that he had for a while thought that the Lexapro might not be sufficient for me, but because of my initial fear of losing who I am he put me on it as a starting point. Due to the way I am reacting to it he gave me a perscription to Prosac.
I'm pretty fit, althought lately I don't exercise much, and I definitely know the psychological benefits of exercise so I'll work on that soon. I eat healthy food only, but my schedule is erratic. This is also related to my sleeping habits, I'm an insomniac (it was bad in highschool but these days its minor) so that tends to shift that days eating schedule
I already got my script for Prosac and started taking it, I didn't even bother weaning off the Lexapro because that shit is hardly even there (my body doesn't even know its missing, I swear), and I know it's technically not possible, and probably just placebo and/or the peace of mind of knowing I'm getting something better suited to help me, but I feel great already. I'm generally in a very good mood and my perception has returned to status quo. Placebo or not, I look forward to a happy life. I have had to cope with the idea that I'm going to need to take something to deal with this because my villains are in fact chemical imbalances and not just a shitty subconscious.
So anyway thanks everyone! With this newfound enthusiasm I'll re-establish my workout routine, and with this new peace of mind I can sleep easier and re-establish my daily schedule. In two weeks time I should know for sure what the prozac is doing for me and I'll let you guys know how it goes. (BTW I chose prozac over zoloft because zoloft has a larger percentage of possible bad withdrawal symptoms and side effects.)
Cheers everyone, hopefully this happiness lasts.
Kolya on 26/9/2008 at 18:08
Quote Posted by The Alchemist
I feel great already.
I look forward to a happy life.
... newfound enthusiasm ...
... new peace of mind ...
Cheers everyone, hopefully this happiness lasts.
Another smiling Prozac customer.... And now you look forward to a happy life on Fluoxetine? You know that's BS, don't you? What are you gonna do, once the *new* drug high wears off? Will you find another upper?
Or will you consider the possibility that this depression might be a part of you, that you might
gain something from it. A deeper understanding to life itself perhaps (deeper than the people who never had to deal with shit like this). And thereby a link to that outside world you feel distanced from. Down that road you may find a way to tame your depression. Right now you got it drugged and sleeping. And that is all.
And now don't give me that "It's chemical!". If Prozac's enough to cheer you up like this, you could find other ways - without meds. You are not a slave to your body, that body is you.
See you in two weeks.
