oudeis on 28/12/2010 at 19:53
One of the people I work with gave me (through an intermediary, as I am currently working out of a different location) a 375 ml bottle of Maker's Mark for Christmas. We don't get along that well- I've made little attempt to hide how much he annoys me- and at no time did our team even broach the topic of gift-giving, yet he gave both me and the third member of the team a bottle of bourbon. I didn't think there was any polite way to refuse so I accepted the gift. I thanked him, of course, both via email and over the phone, but I feel obligated to give him something in return. Am I obliged to reciprocate? Am I some desocialized droog for feeling irked by his gift? Am I wrong to resent this obligation?
CCCToad on 28/12/2010 at 20:37
Don't ponder so much, do the grown-up thing and give a gift of similar or slightly lesser value. Simply because you do not like somebody or think they're a tool/idiot/dirtbag/whatever does not give you the privilege of discarding courteous behavior.
the_grip on 28/12/2010 at 21:40
375 ml bottle of booze isn't that big a gift. I don't think you need to reciprocate unless you are trying to grow this relationship with this particular coworker, which it seems that you have no interest in doing. Thus, a reciprocal gift would be forced and probably not come off as pleasant for you or him (he's going to know that you are giving him a gift because he gave you one, and that's usually not respected although it's not necessarily negative). He most likely derives a sense of personal satisfaction from giving gifts to people, and he isn't looking for some kind of etiquette in response. There also could be a cultural aspect to this... I had a Russian coworker at one point who would give gifts like nobody's business. He actually drove other people crazy due to cross-culture communication wire-crossing, but I liked him quite a bit. Maybe this could be a factor here?
At any rate, you made an effort to thank him, and that is all that is required when one receives a gift unless you are wanting to reciprocate to grow the relationship.
I also don't think you are wrong to resent having received the gift. If you don't like someone and they really bother you then the more they enter into your life the worse it gets. I trust you don't hate all gifts and everyone else in general... just this person irritates you. We all have folks like that in our lives. Just take it, drink it, and enjoy it.
june gloom on 28/12/2010 at 22:35
I have a similar problem. I got a $10 iTunes card. I have no fucking clue what to do with it, because I don't fucking use iTunes and never will. I appreciate the sentiment, because it's well known I love music, but I'm seriously considering sending it to a lady friend who uses a Mac. 'Cuz this thing is worthless to me and I'm secretly pissed about it, because I keep telling people buy me Microsoft Points or don't buy me anything at all. And nobody ever fucking listens.
CCCToad on 28/12/2010 at 22:43
You think thats bad try getting a free copy of Left 4 Dead 2 on steam, gifted to me by some completely random guy on the internet.
Aja on 28/12/2010 at 22:48
If he continues to give you gifts, at some point you may have to reciprocate. But for now I think you're in the clear. According to Marcel Mauss the purpose of gift-giving is to facilitate inter-societal relations. Since you don't actually want to facilitate any relation, you'd better not encourage the guy.
addink on 28/12/2010 at 22:54
Quote Posted by dethtoll
$10 iTunes card
Anyone with an iDevice will probably trade you its value if you ask nicely.
Also iTunes isn't Mac-only, that doesn't make it any better, but still.
-
As for the original topic:
I'm with the_grip. An elaborate thanks should be enough but do keep cultural differences in mind.
june gloom on 28/12/2010 at 22:59
Yeah I know it's not Mac-only. But iTunes will never ever sully this computer.
Aja on 28/12/2010 at 23:12
Or you could download it, buy a single album and then delete it. Itunes might be shitty software, but the store does have some hard-to-find music.
Queue on 28/12/2010 at 23:12
You should never feel obligated to reciprocate a gift from someone whom you don't want to give a gift to. It's their problem if they decide to give you a gift, or keep doing so.
In short... Fuck 'em and drink up.
