The Mike on 17/11/2016 at 04:28
See guys, I'm still alive! I wasn't lying! Let's all not throw stones at Mike, but read his review maybe?
MORBID CURIOSITY By Pukey BrunsterHello everybody-- if I’m looking a little malnourished and ghoulish, that’s just because it’s November; that time of year when I have to choose between keeping up with the nonstop stream of new game releases or eating regular meals and refilling my personal hygiene products. Naturally, I have the finely honed decision making ability of a 13 year old, so I end up spending this month staring at a TV with bloodshot eyes while my stomach contentedly eats itself and my personal appearance slowly degrades from “schlubby bachelor” to “crazy-eyed homeless man.”
It all felt worth it too, until I played
Morbid Curiosity. This is an FM that’s so good, it makes me want to go outside and use my copy of
Dishonored 2 as a frisby...or, y’know, at least something that I could throw at that huge spider that lives just above my doorway*. It made me remember that when Thief FMs are at their best, they aren’t just good. They’re blow-your-face-off-and-give-the-wall-behind-you-a-fresh-coating-of-face-and-when-your-neighbor-comes-over-he’s-like-wow-that’s-a-lotta-face-on-that-wall good. THAT’S REEEEAAL GOOD LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
*
Though I’m terrified to do this, as it would probably survive and our already tenuous peace agreement would end with me cocooned in web, yelling muffled screams from my closet.Inline Image:
http://i.imgur.com/DwFQs3D.jpgYour face is blown off now, so...y'know. Sorry about that.The FM’s story has you playing as Garrett- thief, lover, and east coast Vape Championship winner three years running- who’s on his way to steal an artifact known as The Builder’s Rattle. This quest takes him to Bledwater, which is both a town with a canal running through it and an underground metal band you’ve probably never heard of because you only listen to, like, lame commercial stuff,
DAD. If that all sounds rote to you, then let me assure you: it gets weird. Like, 7:50pm dinner with your parents at a family restaurant that transitions into a nudist lounge at 8 weird.
But more specifically for longtime Thief fans, it gets
Kfort weird. For those who don’t know, Kfort is the FM author who brought us missions like
Garrett and the Beanstalk and
The Adventures of Burrick Boy. Her missions were absolutely bananas, elevating the strange and unusual to this beautiful, sublime realm. But then, after gifting us her magnum opus
Wicked Relics, she dropped the mic, and ascended to some higher plane of existence where only her and occasionally Kanye West live. It’s left this giant hole in my life that no FM has been insane enough to fill. Until now that is. Now my hole is filled. And if you are like me, you need to play this so you can fill your hole also. Let me help you fill your hole*.
*
This is the most troublesome analogy I’ve ever written myself into...A lot of people say that something is “a trip,” but it’s normally used in a hyperbolic way like “man, this gluten free bread is a TRIP.” When I say “this FM is a trip,” know that I mean it in the absolute purest way possible. This mission took me somewhere I didn’t want to leave. Every corner of it is just so damn strange and interesting that even after six hours, if you had tried to take the computer from me I would have waved a torch at you and grunted “NO. MIKE NO LEAVE.”* I did everything in this mission. Everything! I am about the farthest thing from a completionist there is. I don’t
ever do everything. I don’t even fold my socks. This FM though...I just kept looking for excuses not to leave! When I knew I had collected the last treasure, I felt like a kid being told by Mickey Mouse himself that the Magic Kingdom was closed, and if I didn’t get off the Dumbo ride they would shut it down and make me sleep up there. But now I'm just remembering college...
*
There’s no correlation between this FM and the caveman thing, it’s just a phase I’m going through.Don't get me wrong though, the mission isn’t just good because it’s super weird. No, excuse me for a moment while I grab my corncob pipe and don my “serious reviewer” robe.
Ahem. With that ruffian gone, let me explain to you a thing about the design, and why it leaves my fancy thoroughly tickled. The mission ferries you along in a way that’s at first slightly linear, but then gradually opens up with the carefully planned addition of new equipment. You get your lockpicks, and you’re able to explore some nooks and crannies in the opening area. You get rope arrows, and you’re able to climb out of said area and experience a larger portion of the city. You get a sword, and you’re able to break into darker corners and open up the area even further. Also, the mission makes liberal use of keys to lock away portions that you aren’t supposed to see until you’ve made a certain amount of progress in the story. While a keyhunt is normally synonymous with lazy design, you’re able to open enough with your lockpicks that key locks feel genuinely exciting when you can open them. As an added bonus, rather than cluttering your inventory, these keys all go into a single “keyring” item.
Now excuse me as I throw my “serious reviewer” robe across the room and say that this FM made me actually laugh my butt directly off into some parallel all-butt dimension*. Holy hell is this mission hilarious! The fact that it’s set (brilliantly, I might add) during a festival based around heavy drinking makes for a lot of easy “drunk people are dumb!” visual gags, but there’s some truly genius humor here that often takes a long time to set itself up, and then blindsides you with a punchline that plays off of your expectations in a way that exhibits true mad genius. There’s a borderline cruel joke at the end of a long questline in the town Gallery that had me laughing so hard I was wiping tears from my eyes.
*
Where I imagine Sir Mix-a-Lot lives happily in a log cabin with three children and a wife who is literally just a butt with legs.
And damn, there’s still more I want to talk about! There was that one time when I got real spooked! Oh, how about that other time when even the ending was good? Or that whole part after you give a statue a coin that’s so amazing I don’t even want to talk about it?! Oh, oh, and the music! There is a constant soundtrack in this FM that changes from area to area and ranges from subtle to the exact universal opposite of subtle, but it always works! And...and…
...And it’s just so good. It’s so good I’m actually sweaty and exhausted from remembering how good it is. It’s so good that thinking about how good it is almost qualifies as exercise. It’s so good that I just want to play the damn thing over again.
And actually, that’s what I think I’m going to do. Here’s screenshots.
Inline Image:
http://i.imgur.com/kYBf8C5.jpgAccording to my fortune, the devil will burn down my castle, where I was building the world's largest unicycle.Inline Image:
http://i.imgur.com/OGJDtZM.jpgIn today's episode, a Garrett who has lost control of his life eats four entire cakes out of a sewer drain.Inline Image:
http://i.imgur.com/F2GlDr0.jpgLet's all just take a moment to admire everything about this poster.Inline Image:
http://i.imgur.com/uX7wnJQ.jpgThis picture is...neat. I'm sorry, I'm just really worn out from using the word "good" so much...nickie on 17/11/2016 at 15:12
Quote Posted by The Mike
Let's all not throw stones at Mike, but read his review maybe?
Can't I do both. :)
Great review - again. And what is also remarkable is that it's a first mission. Let us know if you do get caught in the web and we'll come and rescue you.
The Mike on 17/11/2016 at 23:21
Hey, thanks Nickie!
Quote Posted by nickie
Can't I do both. :)
And what is also remarkable is that it's a first mission.
I know, right?! This seems like some author's
big mission they release just before retiring from making FMs, it doesn't feel anything like a first release. Pukey Brunster has some crazy voodoo magic on her side (also, that username is a username after my own heart).
And thanks for the offer of assistance if I need it, but my house-spider has been cool lately. Our uneasy armistice continues.
The Dark One on 18/11/2016 at 22:44
Lockton Manor by buck28 is another of what I’ve seen Melan dub, “Victorian burglary simulators”. Thankfully, this is a good one. The protagonist, who actually has a name and as such can’t be called Not-Garratt, learns from a contact about a solid hit. After finding the note with the needed information (which you can miss easily if you don’t look) he sets off to the titular manor.
Lockton Manor is sort of a city mission and a mansion mission. You have to walk the streets of the city, taking time to slip into a few homes and rob them, before reaching the manor itself. Along the way, you can creep through an inn, a tavern, an inventor’s house, etc. This is all well done, especially the inn, where you can creep through, picking pockets (well, one) at will. The manor itself is more typical, with a simple layout and a friggen huge staircase.
Graphics-wise, it’s pretty good. The streets to the manor are a tad generic, but the manor itself (especially that staircase) is nice and opulent, even if the layout seems a little confusing. The only place where the graphics break down is in the inn, which is just weirdly designed. Reminds me of a tiny Winchester House.
Difficulty-wise, not bad. There are some unblackjackable guards hanging around the manor, but they’re easy enough to get around. The only place where the placement feels unfair is in the inn. The innkeeper will got hog wild on you with a sword for no reason, and if she happens to be at the front desk when you open the door, sorry. The light can be turned off at the front, but the timing is too short. The main trick is the loot, especially on higher difficulties, because you’ll need to get most of it, and a good bit of it is well-hidden. Special mention goes to that chest in the guard’s house, which took forever to find, and the chest you need to find on expert. You get the room it’s in, but other than that, you’re on your own.
I do wish we saw more of that mechanical thing in the inventor’s home. I’ve never seen it really be used in a mission, the only other one I’ve seen is Inn Business, and it’s in a place you don’t have to go-like in here.
All in all, a very fun mission. While not the greatest mission of all time, it’s clear the creator had *fun* with this mission, and so did I. I guess that’s the main thing, in the end.
The Mike on 20/11/2016 at 21:20
The Dark One, your reviews are really making me wanna catch up on The Dark Mod. At this point I'm like 5 years behind all of the releases in that community...I think it's time I used your reviews as a guide on where to start and just binged.
The one problem I have getting into Dark Mod is the thing you mention quite a bit: playing as "Not-Garrett" in "Not The City." I know they had copyright laws to tiptoe around, but it all feels like you're playing in the off-brand Sam's Club version of the Thief universe. I know it's a petty complaint, but it always takes me out of things a bit when I read something that mentions "The Builders" and have to stop for a second and go "Who? OH RIGHT, the Not-Hammers." That, and I never felt like the Doom 3 engine had the same kind of immortality the Dark engine does.
Still, they've accomplished something crazy ambitious with The Dark Mod. I need to stop being a big ol' whiner and just give it a whirl...I haven't played it since the stand alone release.
The Dark One on 23/11/2016 at 08:30
Quote Posted by The Mike
The Dark One, your reviews are really making me wanna catch up on The Dark Mod. At this point I'm like 5 years behind all of the releases in that community...I think it's time I used your reviews as a guide on where to start and just binged.
I dunno if my reviews are the best. D: I'm playing in a rather odd order: single missions first, then creators who have done multiple missions. So my order is all over the place. But still, happy to help!
And I have an advantage in that regard, since I never played the original games. Though I see how it can be a little...disorienting. XD
The Dark One on 21/12/2016 at 03:38
I'm back.
The Outpost by angua & greebo is, if the archives on The Dark Mod aren't lying to me, the second mission made for it. Made in about 50 hours to showcase was the mod was capable of, and it did a good job of it.
This time, Not-Garratt is aiming for a Builder outpost with a huge ingot of gold lurking within. And that's it. That's the whole story, and it works well.
Graphics-wise, it's decent. The outpost is a small, green brick building, without a whole lot of graphical flair. It doesn't really need said flair though, as it does a good job of giving the impression of a simple building, and it is a believable layout.
Difficultly-wise, it's pretty fair. Even though Expert makes you indulge in the hated forced ghosting, it works far better than most examples. This is partially due to the small mission, and part of it is because the creators play perfectly fair with you. The guards are fairly placed, the shadows are abundant, and it all works very well. It actually might be a good mission for newbie ghosters, honestly. The loot is in plain sight, for the most part, and finding it is not difficult (even if there is at least one piece I can't find). You have plenty of arrows to work with, even a rope arrow or two to make getting into the chapel easier.
All in all, very fun. The review is short, but this is mission is both fun and replayable. Recommended, especially for newbies or novice ghosters.
lpowell on 28/12/2016 at 07:48
Sorry if this is the wrong thread for this but I didn't want to make a whole new one so,
are they any FMs that use (
http://www.gamefaqs.com/pc/71536-thief-the-dark-project/images/27) this thing? From what I understand it's an enemy that was shown off in pre-release screenshots that didn't make it into the final game, but is actually buried in the data somewhere. I'm curious if it is actually usable and if so, if anyone made use of it.
lpowell on 28/12/2016 at 19:02
Thanks, I will check that out. I wish there was a taggable/sortable database for FMs to find stuff like that quickly, like there is for Quake maps, but that's an extraordinary thing I think--not even Doom has one as far as I'm aware.
