Gingerbread Man on 12/10/2003 at 04:52

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Well, I see what people have been saying about getting too powerful too fast. I haven't even been TRYING to get Übermensch, and today I rather half-heartedly beat the stuffing out of three something-or-others in a Daedric ruin. You know the guys... They pop up and hit you when you thief stuff off the altar. I thought the first two were Dark Elves, they were just wandering around outside...

So I'm toning down the adventuring for a bit, getting into the Intrigue. Been stealing plenty things for some Neelix-looking goober in Ald-ruhn (have I mentioned that I love Ald-ruhn? When I get sick of Balmora, I'l be moving there, I think.. A vacancy opened up in one of the Manors AND IT WASN'T ME AND IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MORAG TONG AND HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT GET UP AGAINST THE WALL YOU'RE GOING TO DIE) and a dude calling himself Gentleman Jim gave me some wicked gloves to wear and so I've been skulking and going all Robin Hood a bit.

Hopefully this will slow the Über down, at least in terms of combat proficiency. My Sneaky Snake skillz are madd at this point though. I could steal someone's nosehair.

I found me a diamond mine and a glass mine and an ebony mine. Well... They're just holes in the mountains with confused ex-miners now. I can't see what all the fuss was about. One of them kept bitching that extracting the precious mineral was hard work. Like hell it was. I EXTRACTED IT ALL LOLLOL.

Plus some lady got in the way of my expert assassinating in some elf-club in Vivec. Silly bint. Luckily, I am King Hideyman and no one saw me. Second arrow took out the WAIT DID I SAY ASSASSINATING I MEANT I WAS LOOKING FOR THE BATHROOM. Who said Morag Tong? Never heard of them.

Funny thing was that after ... um ... that ... there was still some dude in one of those hilarious Redoran hats standing around in plain view of the <small>corpses</small> and he didn't notice a thing. I think he was AFRAYED. >:[ ]

So.

I'm back in Ald-ruhn for the night. Organising my booty, putting things away. Got to go back to Caldera at some point, that scamp is the only one so far who has enough cash to buy the things I "find" along the way. I have decided to collect the largest pile of glowing mushrooms Vvardenfell has ever seen, and I will charge the locals to come and gape at it. Or maybe I will just sell them all to that stupid pussycat at the Mages' Guild. She seems to have a real fetish for the things. What do I know about catwoman appetites?

Tomorrow I have to go back to Vivec AGAIN (omg fed ex I should buy a brown shirt and a baseball cap) to have a word with that creepy man in the basement of the Curio Manor. I'm starting to think he's not really Crasius Curio, I think he's just some random pervert and those elves in the hallways are laughing their bony dark asses off at stupid whitey who goes for a rectal exam every few days. I will have my revenge. I will kill them all, remove all their clothes and leave them neatly folded on a table in that titty bar in ... erm ... is it in Sadrith Mora? I don't remember. One of the dancers took a shine to me, anyway.

AVANTI

Gingerbread Man on 12/10/2003 at 05:13

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\o/

Ta, Fred. Sadrith Mora is where the Opium Den is, you're right.
I think I'll wander over there now (Suran, that is) for some R and R. I have a greasy feeling in my brain still from when that knob-gobbler kept calling me "pudding" so I think it's time for some decidedly heterosexual behaviour. I will sit in a chair and holler at the ladies a while before staggering back to Vivec to tell that sinister looking bathroom attendant that I found the bathroom in the elf-club.

(edit)
GAH, no it isn't.
You have any idea how diificult it is to find an Opium Den in that tangle of overgrown mushrooms and that insane Wolverine Hall? I thought American McGee's Alice had a lot of nightmarish architecture, but that Wolverine Hall takes the BISCUIT. I swear to God someone moves those doors around when I'm not looking. That place is harder to find your way around in than the Tokyo subway. PLUS the mushroom part of Sadrith Mora is full of people who keep walking and walking and walking completely oblivious to the fact that they are stuck under a root or whatever. There's something very unwholesome going on in that town.

Anyway, once I'd determined that there was no rhyme nor reason to Wolverine Hall and wandered aimlessly through Mushroom City, I happened upon a boat.

"Wanna go to Dagon Fel?" asked the nice lady.

Dagon Fel, hey? Sounds creepy. LET'S GO.

And away we went, me all tingly with the prospect of Lovcraftian Horrors and fresh beasties to slay. I'd been at the Fed Ex Intrigue a bit too long, and my new glass longsword was getting itchy. (Plus wouldn't it be nice if the glass armour didn't look so ghey? It's such nice armour, but it's all SPIKY and shit)

The boat woman woke me up just in time for me to see it start raining. Again. It rains a LOT here, doesn't it? That's why I like Ald-ruhn... I don't think I've ever seen it rain there. The sandstorms are a bitch, but hey. Least I don't get wet.

I sprang off the boat and onto the docks at Dagon Fel. COME AND GET SOME, YOU VILE BEASTS!

The shabby-looking commoner at whom I had just yelled this looked at me like so :weird:

Fuck me, I'm back in Hla Oad. >:|

Dagon Fel was a giant let-down. Don't get me wrong, I like little tumbledown shacks and fishing villages, but I had been ready for some Epic Fighting with unnameable horrors. BUT OHO that looks like a tower of extreme creepiness over on the hill!

I asked around, someone told me it was a Tower of Extreme Creepiness, something about a necromancer living in it. I figured this would be a marvelous opportunity to learn some Black Arts, yeah?

More fag Dwemer ruins. I swear, every time I'm in Dwemer ruins I keep one eye open for Karras' Combat Bots.

Long story short, no one was happy to see me. But I snaffled some interesting books, some fresh ingredients, and a mask that looks pretty keen. I was kinda expecting more from a necromancer, but he did get a couple of good shots in before I drove two shock arrows into his chest. In retrospect, that would have been a good opportunity for me to try out my newly trained Summon Nasty Critter skillz, and we could have had a bit of a tag-team going on in that tower.

I went back to Sadrith Mora via Tel Something Or Other (more people wandering around stuck under roots... There must be something in the water, because those people aren't hooked up right) and blundered around Wolverine Hall until I found the goddamned Mages' Guild. I demanded that they send me out of this Escher Nightmare and back to Ald-ruhn.

Back in Ald-ruhn, I started thinking again about moving from the ex-Council Club in Balmora to one of the weird little huts. I don't like being this close to so many Redoran Guards (one day they're going to hear me snickering at those ridiculous hats they wear -- like I'm one to talk with my spiky glass helmet), so I thought perhaps Under Skar wasn't the place for me. Vacant Manor or not.

One of my soon-to-be neighbours had a cool pad, though. Reading on the door and referencing some notes I'd made earlier, I realised that this nice place on the outskirts near the Temple was actually uninhabited. The previous tenant had moved out into temporary quarters, said my journal, so I went in. My lockpicking skillz are the win.

Indeed it was empty. Kinda small, though. Then I found a very intriguing locked door. Busting out one of the Locksplitter scrolls I'd thiefed off some angry people in a mine somewhere, I alakazammed the door and peeked inside. Stairs. Darkness. Footsteps in the darkness. Better stealth it, I thought, and got my bow out.

Once I finished playing Resident Evil, I had a good look around. Something wasn't very right here... Sigils chalked on the floor and wall, semi-circle of red candles in front of a banner I couldn't read but that looked bloody sinister.

I ended up telling the real estate agent that I didn't want that house after all kthnx, and went back to Balmora to see about tranferring my gear to that little hut that used to contain a madwoman. WELL SHE JUST JUMPED ME OUT OF THE BLUE DIDN'T SHE?

Another long story short, I made good use of mark / recall and got all my stuff out of the Council Club. That bartender was looking at me funny as I packed, so I shot him. He was a prick after all.

So now I live in Ald-ruhn, city of perpetual dust. I haven't met any of my neighbours yet (not in a non-professional capacity, anyway), and I think I'll spend some time getting to know people tomorrow.

Gingerbread Man on 13/10/2003 at 04:27

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I have decided that the Telvanni are bad people.

Erm...
Well...

It's more like I covet their shit. I went to another Mushroom Town, Tel Something Or Other Again (Branora?) to stael some magician's stick, and I noticed how cool everyone's hats were. All insect-crab-buggy. Very nice.

So I was making my way to the big mushroom tower (I am learning that you generally find magicians in big towers) and I came across a posse of lurkers led by a mage. They told me piss off, which I noted for later justification.

Further along, a dude in a very shiny bughat said "Psst... If you kill that bitch down there, I'll give you some monies." I noted this and said I'd think about it.

Inside the big mushroom tower, I found some batshit mad old woman burning books and leering at her naked slave. I thought this must be the one whose stick I was after, but there was no stick to be found. One room across (why the hell do these weirdos have gaping holes in the floor? Are they really that lazy that a yawning abyss seemed like a better plan than sweeping?) was another dude with a shiny robe and a STICK. AHA! I am a good stick-finder.

So I went all Stealth Mode and lifted it. Swipe! And then he had other shiny things, so I swipe swipe swipe swipe. Then I got to thinking... This dude probably has POCKETSFUL of shinies... So I got all stealthy and ZAP THUNK ARROWED! Sure enough, he had shiny things on him.

So then I got to thinking... ZAP THUNK down the hallway and dropped another dude. Then peek around the corner at Lady Batshit and ZAP THUNK! Mmmmm... lots of shiny shinies.

I took everything I could find, but that stupid naked catman wouldn't let me free him. Whatever. I left him there to think about it, while I went through the rest of the tower asking everyone where the bathrooms were. ¬¬

When I had satisfied myself that I had killed everything, including the nasties in the dungeon (muahaha... trapped souls for dinner), I went back outside and sniped the lurking posse to death and stole their shiny things as well. WELL THEY WERE RUDE TO ME. >:|

Plus they had shiny things.

Then I went back to the dude who had offered to pay me to murder posse-leader-mage-chica, and I collected the reward.

Then I got to thinking. What kind of an evil son of a bitch pays a dangerous-looking stranger to murder a fairly defenceless woman? So I walked away a bit, pretending to leave with the money, then ZAP THUNK! AND THE GUY NEAR HIM ZAP THUNK! Shiny things all over... Everything shiny and bug-squid-crab-insecty... Mmmm...

Before I got on the boat heading back to Sadrith Mora, I looked back at Tel Branora and its streets paved with naked corpses. I thought about something one of them had said before I decided he had shiny things I wanted to have: He said that the Telvanni are big fans of shiny things, and that they make really cool ones. So I said to myself, I am going to collect all the shiny Telvanni things in the world.

(edit)

rofl

So I Recalled myself back to my pad in Ald-ruhn to drop off the shiny things, yeah? Then I decided to wander over to the Rat In The Pot to see if Neelix had any more stealy-stealy missions to send I on, when all of a sudden EVERY REDORAN GUARD IN THE SANDSTORM CAME CHARGING AT ME YELLING AND GOING RARR!!!!1

I started running and jumping like a mad thing, thinking "BY GOD WORD TRAVELS FAST AROUND HERE" and wondering if I had been mistaken and that Ald-ruhn was a Telvanni town and they were unhappy with me slaughtering those dudes in Tel Branora... And then I realised that they weren't stopping, they were running right PAST me.

After I got my breath back, I went to see what had happened, and sure enough a dead Cliff Racer lay broken on the street, slowly getting covered in the drifting sand.

PHEW

The Huntsman on 13/10/2003 at 16:06

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Well, hope you had fun... Methinks wiping out an entire town probably broke a few quests that you might want to do in the future!

Skronk on 13/10/2003 at 21:12

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If you think Wolverine Hall is bad, wait till you have to go to Tel Vos. It is weird mushrooms and surreal castle COMBINED. Ebonhart is pretty bad too.

My latest char is a Telvanni mage... I challengez0r yuo to a duel! >:D