Marecki on 4/7/2007 at 01:40
I have always loved to travel. That happens to match my occupation pretty well, as there are always conferences to attend, experimental shifts to do or simply work meetings to take part in, and that's only the short-term trips. On the other hand, one of my longer-term trips, my last year's seven month-long visit to California, has finally allowed me to get reunited with the love of my life, as well as to take a lot of nice pictures.
There is a slight hitch though: while I do like travelling a lot, I absolutely hate being at away from home. Call it disadaptation syndrome (which is what they put on my draft card), call it something else, but however you may call it the result is invariably a full-blown, long-term anxiety attack after arrival, the actual length and magnitude of the attack depending on how far I went and for how long.
I don't think I have posted about this here, but #Thief regulars may remember that the conclusion of my last year's stay in Berkeley was an offer for an even longer stay starting this year, up to 3 years in total. Having discussed the matter with my advisor I have eventually settled for about 1 year, starting last week of June. I can honestly say I was happy to go: I missed my fiancee a lot after half a year of being away (even though we did get to see each other three times during that time), plus staying with my parents again made me yearn for the independent life in the Bay Area. Without further ado, I packed my stuff and got ready to go.
The dream bubble burst as soon as right after I have crossed border control. Now I am once again in Berkeley, alone and with pretty much all of my real-life friends 9 time zones away, I am in another of those anxiety attacks, with no chance of quick relief.
It feels like dying, over and over again. I seriously wonder whether I have made the right choice... Maybe I have bitten more than I can chew this time.
I'll write more later, got a bus to catch.
Scots Taffer on 4/7/2007 at 02:10
The traditional concept of home is overrated, I learned this recently upon my return to Glasgow. When I left there for Brisbane at the end of 2005 my head was full of doubts regarding our transition to life over here, leaving all our friends, social scene and family behind, with no job or immediate prospects it was a very scary time, especially with a baby on the way.
However, I almost immediately felt welcome and settled in Brisbane, the city was a very town-based community feel and the lifestyle and attitude of Queenslanders is so immensely relaxed that I couldn't help but feel like I'd made an inspired decision to move here. After a while, I had a job and a home to call my own, a new group of friends and colleagues, and my thoughts of home lessened and actually became somewhat tinged with more apathy and negativity (this is obviously influenced by my views on Scotland and the UK in general, from my political and religious beliefs down to cultural and social norms).
In the lead-up to our 3 week visit home, I began to reflect more upon what we had left and what had happened during our time away and I decided that I would view this trip as a judgement call against the life we had in Brisbane - would I find that everything we had left remained just as good, had we really sacrificed close friendships and the proximity to our families to build our new lives? Was the gain worth the cost?
I found, unsurprisingly, that life moves on but not always for the better. Some of the social circles we had been a part of had broken up and become vague shadows of their former selves, friends had drifted apart, some had moved away, other relationships had either grown stronger and possibly more private to us now, whereas others had crumbled and often acrimony filled the gap left behind. This was on both sides, family and friends.
Quite quickly, my wife and I found ourselves yearning for what we now viewed as the comforts of "home", the friends we had left behind, and even the simplest of things that had become the foundation of our new daily routine, which - let's face it - comprise much of our lives.
Travelling a lot forces one to become more philosophical about life, I find, and also encourages one to open their mind and to learn more about other walks of life, different cultures and idealogies. My travels often centre around cultural points of interest and the obligatory tourist traps, but the most memorable parts are the quiet times where I'm immersed in the culture of the land, watching or interacting with the people and their varied interests. In many ways it's what I find very compelling about the internet, the way in which the world seems to have become so small and yet there is still so much variety and unknowns floating around.
Anyway, I've wandered off-topic, it seems then that the notion of home cannot be rooted purely to your place of birth or where your family live, but rather "where the heart is" to use the cliché. One cannot always control what their heart desires, on one hand you love your family and friends and miss them yet on the other you have a lover, confidant and friend who is far from you, and who possibly makes you feel more complete. If you're lucky, perhaps both can come together in a happy amalgam of desires, but if not then you'll be forced to make the tough decisions that many of us face and that often define our lives. So I guess the answer to your dilemma is to look into your heart and decide what makes it tick, is it the time you spend with your lover or is it the country in which you grew up and the people who live there, what will make you feel most complete in the long run - remember, people change, countries change, time makes chameleons of us all.
Mr.Duck on 4/7/2007 at 02:38
Home is where the heart is and you feel great to be there.
Cheer up, Mar :)
Now, -my- personal hitch for traveling is flying...I don't like to fly :(
I do, though, I do...such a masochist.
Tocky on 4/7/2007 at 02:41
You like to see homos naked?
Mr.Duck on 4/7/2007 at 02:44
Quote Posted by Tocky
You like to see homos naked?
He said he was 18 :(...
Tocky on 4/7/2007 at 02:53
It's from Joe Dirt. I couldn't help it.
As for the subject, well... you can't go home again.
PigLick on 4/7/2007 at 06:03
yeh you can. For example I left to go to work this morning from home, and now I am home again. Whatya think about that eh?
seriously though Scots, if you could distill the essence of that post into some lyrics it would make a fine song.
LesserFollies on 4/7/2007 at 15:24
Breathe, exercise, stay as calm as possible, and remember that you're doing an awesome job with your life despite all this. When you're lonely come to #thief; you have friends there. :)
Oli G on 4/7/2007 at 16:52
Quote:
The dream bubble burst as soon as right after I have crossed border control. Now I am once again in Berkeley, alone and with pretty much all of my real-life friends 9 time zones away, I am in another of those anxiety attacks, with no chance of quick relief.
Ultimately you've got to assess for yourself what exactly it is that's troubling you - is it the fact that you have a strong personal connection to the place you call home, or more that you feel apprehensive about starting afresh in a new area?
Whatever the problem is, I'm sure you'll find yourself able to cope if you make the most of the new opportunities available to you in California. Clearly the things you miss at home - family and old friends - aren't going to materialise any time soon, so you should make as much effort as you can to enjoy where you are now. People pay big money to get to California from the UK for a holiday so if you're living there you've no excuse not to have a good time. I don't know what your interests are, but I'm sure there's plenty of scope for pursuing them. You mentioned that you're at Berkeley - are you working for/studying at the university? If so then that's an ideal place to begin in terms of meeting new people and doing new things. Something as simple as joining a sports club could easily reignite your social life. There's no point in spending your time missing old friends when it's incredibly easy to make new ones.
As Scots says, the idea of 'home' is overrated. It's not where you come from or where you grew up, it's simply where you feel comfortable at any given time. I've just come back from university - where I feel most at home - for the summer; I do miss Oxford, but there's enough back here in rainy old Yorkshire for me to be happy with (even if my bedroom does resemble a swamp due to heavy rain and roof damage). The fact is that as you grow older, travel and meet more people you become close to people from all over the country, and potentially all over the world. That's fantastic, and you should embrace it. You just have to accept the flipside of this, namely that it's impossible to be physically close to all the people you care about all of the time.
So without wanting to sound too much like a self-help book, make a home of wherever you are now - just don't expect to be there forever. And if you can, arrange something to give yourself something to look forward to in the not too distant future, like a holiday/vacation with your fiance. Relaxing as my three month summer holiday will be, there's plenty of scope for boredom in that amount of time in one place. That's why I'm heading off to Corsica at the end of the week for three and a half weeks with my girlfriend and two close friends from university to do probably the toughest long-distance mountain trek in Europe (and to relax and recover with the help of some Mediterranean beaches, cuisine and culture). Life is only miserable if you do nothing about it.
fett on 4/7/2007 at 17:54
We picked up lock stock and barrel a year ago and moved with two kids, no job, no house, and once we settled we couldn't be happier. We just returned from a 4 day visit back 'home' and it was hellish.
Never look back.
Tocky - minus 5 for watching Joe Dirt.
