Aerothorn on 13/3/2006 at 23:19
Woo, I'm definitly reading that article when I have time...
What if there is someone...how do I put this - who isn't totally defensive (i.e. sensitive about everything) but is incredibly defensive about anything that might damage their self-esteem or ideas of the world - i.e. if there is information, or revelations about themselves, or if you point out their lies or their ignorance, they have numerous defensive mechanisms (my two favorites are the semantics defense (Did I say WHEN I'd call you?) and the relativeistic defense (Well, is anyone REALLY 'crazy'?). Does anyone know what the name is for this type of defensiveness is?
dhaelis on 14/3/2006 at 01:03
Quote Posted by D'Juhn Keep
I'd go for the run+jump then b or maybe keep trying charge. It may take a while but he'll miss his blocks, inevitably.
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start?
TTK12G3 on 14/3/2006 at 01:12
Quote Posted by fett
OH SURE - SIDE WITH
HER.
YOU'RE ALL AGAINST ME!!!That's it, get in the damn trunk. THE TRUNK!!
dumbass...
Quote Posted by dhaelis
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start?
up up down down left right left LEFT b a start
(Reads article)
Ooooo! Let me try!
*ahem*
"I care that you are concerned about the the pending charges, mother, and I agree that I could have avoided doing that to his dog, but that bitchface was trying to step up and take to much on himself and you don't pull that monkey-ass shit with (TTK)."
adamg32 on 14/3/2006 at 01:50
Quote Posted by Aerothorn
...if you point out their lies or their ignorance, they have numerous defensive mechanisms (my two favorites are the semantics defense (Did I say WHEN I'd call you?) and the relativeistic defense (Well, is anyone REALLY 'crazy'?). Does anyone know what the name is for this type of defensiveness is?
I'm afraid I can't give you the name of what this behavior is called, but I can offer some advice. On our robotics team, during brainstorms, a couple of our team members inevitably get defensive when we try to point out the cons of their ideas. They resort to repeating themselves, swearing, storming off, or pointing out the cons with ALL the other ideas. Sometimes the best way to handle it is to let them storm off and leave, and give them some time to think about it. But if they are getting unruly and disrespectful, sometimes it is necessary to keep them in line, but I've found the best way to do this is to talk to them one-on-one, and making sure that you are open and receptive to their complaints. It really varies from person to person, so I hope this helps. My biggest piece of advice is to remain calm, and don't get dragged down to their level. Things just fall apart when that happens.
Aerothorn on 14/3/2006 at 02:15
Yeah, I've tried that, but I find they're just as defensive/passive-aggressive in one-on-one conversations, so I kind of gave up on it and have just tried to ignore them:(
liquidfear on 14/3/2006 at 04:00
Obvious solution: Stop living with said extremely defensive person.
Havvoc on 14/3/2006 at 04:01
Here's my advice: being defensive to a defensive person will only end in stalemate. Either ignore their comments or be extremely aggressive and give them something to really be defensive against.
Or if you want to be the peacemaker, just discuss with them the issue and the problems their defensiveness is causing with you.
kingofthenet on 14/3/2006 at 04:12
Well, do you give this "defensive Person" a REASON to be? Are you extremley critical? It kinda like this chick I knew, she was telling me about how her boyfriend is so paranoid and possesive, I said that sucks, she said yeah, I only cheated on him twice that he knows about, and I started thinking I wouldn't trust you either you slut.
Always remember just because you are paranoid, doen't mean they aren't out to get you!!!
Cookie Dough on 14/3/2006 at 04:37
I believe I've read/heard/experienced that anger/defensiveness etc. is what one exhibits to cover up hurt, pain, self doubt, fear, the such.
The last time I became defensive, I compared this idea to the situation, and I had become defensive out of worry/doubt/fear etc.
So, I think that explanation is rather true. Perhaps not in all situations, but from what I've seen.
Good luck with your defensive person. Really.
Vigil on 14/3/2006 at 11:18
Because of course there's two kinds of people in the world: defensive people and normal people. Seriously, almost everyone manifests defensive behaviour at times, but some are more prone to it/reliant upon it or put in more situations where it becomes apparent. But nowhere in this pat "dealing with defensive people" advice does there seem to be any remarks on recognising defensive behaviour in yourself and its underlying causes.
Look to yourself in order to understand others, and as Cookie Dough pointed out you'll probably notice or remember many such actions of your own and understand better how the other person feels about themselves or the situation and why they act the way they do. Which in turn will allow you to be more forgiving of the unconstructive defensive behaviour other people exhibit, as well as knowing better how to successfully work through it.
