Vasquez on 8/7/2009 at 08:52
I've found out at Finn-meets that there are other TTLG'ers who have chosen not to have children. Not saying it's a huge surprise, but still, it's quite a big % of us Finn-thiefers, so I got curious how many of all TTLG'ers are "childfree". It's not necessarily something that pops up in casual conversation or even as off-topic, and as many childfree people know, it's always a bit risky to say out loud: "No, I'm not planning to have children, ever" ;)
Still I'm taking the risk and asking, who here has chosen not to procreate? :)
Thirith on 8/7/2009 at 09:12
We're 'childfree', though not out of choice, but I definitely see where you're coming from. If you haven't got kids at a certain age, lots of people will think that either a) you haven't grown up yet, b) you're selfish and narcissistic or c) both. As if parents couldn't be just as selfish, narcissistic and immature... It'd be so nice if people accepted that having children and not having children are both equally valid choices, when they are choices. But people are so keen on judging others according to their own standards, without considering that there may be different takes on an issue. When I think about it too much, it drives me up the wall.
Renzatic on 8/7/2009 at 09:21
I want to have kids one day, but I'm biding my time. You could say I'm preparing myself for the horrors that will entail.
See, I know what I was like when I was a kid. I burned down a chicken barn when I was six (not on purpose), took out the back porch when I was 11 because I really wanted to chop down a tree (it took me two weeks, but I did it). I know how to make at least 20 different types of explosives, most of what goes into building a meth lab, and...a bunch of other stuff. It's a good thing I'm a happy-go-lucky type of person who doesn't want to hurt anyone, cuz I could cause some havoc. The only reason why I know how to do most of the above mentioned is because it makes for great conversation.
Now what if this lust for stupid knowledge is genetic? Considering what I've heard about my dad during his younger days, I'm of the opinion it is. Now what if I have a kid who inherits my disposition? What if the kid turns out evil?
Needless to say, every time I wear a rubber, I'm probably saving your life. Be grateful.
Vasquez on 8/7/2009 at 09:44
Thirith, I'm sorry to hear you have problems having kids, hopefully you'll be parents someday. That's one of the reasons I find it of horribly bad taste to pry about someone's kid plans - asking is ok, as long as you accept the answer - for me the question is neutral, or a bit annoying (if it's in the form "Isn't it TIME already, tick-tock, eheheee!?") but for someone who's really trying and not getting pregnant, repeated questions and comments can be really hurtful.
Renz, one of the reasons I'm childfree is because I remember too well what myself was like as a teenager ;)
Thirith on 8/7/2009 at 09:47
Quote Posted by Vasquez
Thirith, I'm sorry to hear you have problems having kids, hopefully you'll be parents someday. That's one of the reasons I find it of horribly bad taste to pry about someone's kid plans - asking is ok, as long as you accept the answer - for me the question is neutral, or a bit annoying (if it's in the form "Isn't it TIME already, tick-tock, eheheee!?") but for someone who's really trying and not getting pregnant, repeated questions and comments can be really hurtful.
I wish more people knew this. :) Thing is, if people ask about kids, the implication very often seems "Shouldn't you be having kids now?", which is annoying at best, whether you don't want or can't have kids, and hurtful at worst.
lomondtaffer on 8/7/2009 at 09:54
I've taken to telling people what may actually be the truth: my husband and I were too selfish to want kids. We were having too much fun doing other stuff to tie ourselves down to parenthood. Now I'm FAR too old to think of it!
Strangely, you may think, I'm a teacher and really enjoy the company of (some) young people. Furthermore, sometimes when I see a lovely, talented teenager doing something that must make their mum's heart swell with pride and love, I feel a wee pang. But hey, that's pretty rare, compared to the times I see a MONSTER throwing a tantrum in a supermarket, and think 'phew.. glad that's not mine!:joke:
Thirith on 8/7/2009 at 09:58
Quote Posted by lomondtaffer
I've taken to telling people what may actually be the truth: my husband and I were too selfish to want kids. We were having too much fun doing other stuff to tie ourselves down to parenthood. Now I'm FAR too old to think of it!
Which is fair enough IMO. As I said before, I don't think that wanting to become a parent means that you're a selfless person - there are enough reasons for wanting to become a parent that are just as much about mememe. What bothers me is how people tend to judge childlessness and romanticise parenthood.
Kolya on 8/7/2009 at 10:48
I think it would be irresponsible of me NOT to have children, like leaving the world to the idiots.
And I accept my task.
TJKeranen on 8/7/2009 at 12:16
Quote Posted by Kolya
I think it would be irresponsible of me NOT to have children, like leaving the world to the idiots.
And I accept my task.
That whole idiocracy point of view is more or less the only thing that has ever made me come close to reconsider my anti-children ways.
Close, but no cigar. :)
Dia on 8/7/2009 at 12:55
I've always admired and respected people who have decided not to become parents. I wish more people would think the whole parenting thing through; maybe we'd have less abused and neglected kids in this world. Too often people who absolutely shouldn't become parents procreate, and all too often those people don't stop at having one or two kids. A cousin of mine who's in her early 30s has decided not to have kids or get married (she lives with her boyfriend of 8 years) and she's often stated how sick & tired she is of the lectures from well-meaning people about the joys of parenthood. It isn't that she & her sig. other don't like kids, on the contrary, they love the little darlings. It's just that they don't feel the need to procreate. There's absolutely nothing wrong with someone not wanting to shoulder that kind of responsibility or choosing to focus on enriching their own lives without having to devote 18 years of it (usually more) to a child. I think more parents than will admit sometimes seriously wonder what their lives would have been like if they hadn't reproduced.
