Chimpy Chompy on 11/9/2007 at 09:50
This is something I've been pondering following discussion on another forum. Does anyone here not like using the telephone? To the point where they'll avoid it if they can? I'm hesitant to use the term "phobia", as it's not that bad in my own case, but I think it might apply to some.
I just don't like calling strangers - if it's not urgent, and if I can, I'll send an email instead. It's not exactly a crippling problem - if for example I DO need to urgently call my solicitor, I'll make the call. But I might be sat for a couple of minutes in front of the phone, running through several times in my mind exactly what I want to say, before I dial. At least until I feel more familiar with the person in question.
Once I had a summer job for a debt-management company. It involved making a lot of calls to people at banks etc. Sometimes named contacts in the "debt department" (or whatever they call it), sometimes frontline call-centre drones. It might have been partially down to my lack of training, but I found it pretty stressful, especially for what should have been a cushy desk job. I just hated having to make all those calls to people who weren't desperately interested in talking to me and had limited incentive in being co-operative.
Now, it seems others do have the problem to a worse level. To the extent where, for example, they feel they can't call to order a pizza. Or avoid making calls wherever at all possible, or can only call family members and close friends.
My guess is, it's down to a lack of information. You can't guage the person's mood before starting the conversation, can't read their body language. Nothing to base your approach on, so to speak, you're just wading in blind. If you're not great socially in the first place (lol chimpy's a dork) then it can become a bit daunting.
So I'm just interested to hear if anyone feels similarly.
D'Juhn Keep on 11/9/2007 at 10:06
While I don't go out of my way to avoid them, I'd much rather talk to people in person and so tend to not have long phone conversations.
I guess it's similar but lesser in the same way that someone might check their front door's closed after walking away and someone might have to wash their hands 200 times before they feel clean.
SubJeff on 11/9/2007 at 10:06
TBH it just sounds like you're a bit shy. Does it relate only to phone use? How are you with meeting and talking to people you don't know face to face?
mopgoblin on 11/9/2007 at 10:12
Yeah, I don't like phones much. Although for me it's more about the way people always expect you to answer a ringing phone, and then when you do answer they expect you to stop whatever you're doing to talk to them. For this reason, I only turn my cellphone on if I'm expecting a specific call. The first few seconds of a phone call are often a bit weird, but after that it's not that bad - I find email is much worse in that respect. Much harder to preserve the intended meaning without all those inflections and things that you get automatically with speech, and if you get that wrong then you can't react to fix your mistakes.
driver on 11/9/2007 at 11:15
I dislike phones too. I'm ok calling close friends and family, but if I've got to call someone I don't know I put it off till the last possible moment or try to find another way to contact them.
I'm not entirely sure what it is, I don't like being called as I don't know who's on the other end of the line when I pick up or why they've called. Also, as Chimpy says, you can't guage body language or the like, so it's hard to judge people. I'm not that great in dealing with people I don't know face to face either, but I'd prefer that the calling them over the phone.
I get an itemised phone bill quarterly and I average out about 4-5 calls, generally only a few minutes each. Most of my communication is done either in person or via the intarweb which suits me fine. Then again, you can't judge body language or the like via MSN or e-mail, so maybe that's not it at all.
Fingernail on 11/9/2007 at 11:23
I know the feeling you're describing, and often I put off making phone calls (I'm a fairly bad procrastinator anyway - I tend to put off stuff and then do it all in one big activity surge at the last minute, which feels great when it works and sucks when it doesn't), but I overcome it fairly easily. It's certainly not a problem for me to call a stranger, especially if it's a call centre or someone nameless.
Basically, in that kind of situation (as many others) I have a pretty good well-spoken, purposeful, polite "act" which is not how I'd talk to someone I actually know on the phone, as it isn't a conversation as such, more like a role play. Like speaking in front of an audience.
I think rehearsing "lines" before speaking to someone is a fairly normal thing to do as well - it's all part of not being that awkward "err, umm... I... ah...., ahem..." guy, although you're screwed if you can't keep it up by improvising as it'll look a bit fake once you leave your practised territory, I guess. I wouldn't know since I am the epitome of the charming young man.
Thank you for your time!
*click*
ilweran on 11/9/2007 at 11:49
I don't like using the phone - I don't even like calling to order pizza and will avoid that if I can. I manage ok at work despite this - I don't know if this makes any sense, or if it seems weird, but official work calls are different as it's not really me as an individual making those calls, I'm calling up for specific information.
I don't think I could ever work in a call centre, certainly not on outgoing calls.
Tonamel on 11/9/2007 at 16:35
I'm kind of the other way. I feel like email is too impersonal, and would much rather contact someone by phone.
37637598 on 11/9/2007 at 17:29
Quote Posted by Tonamel
I'm kind of the other way. I feel like email is too impersonal, and would much rather contact someone by phone.
I second that. My girlfreind HATES using the phone for whatever reason, even if it is just to order food, she makes me do it (
whip crack), But she's fine with calling freinds or family. But only if she's close to them. I wonder why...
Fingernail on 11/9/2007 at 17:38
Quote Posted by Tonamel
I'm kind of the other way. I feel like email is too impersonal, and would much rather contact someone by phone.
Oh well christ I basically never email a friend or relative when I can phone them instead. That's just polite.
But if I'm, say, making a non-urgent inquiry, arranging a gig, or something that is more useful written down and done at the leisure of the person on the other end, email is good.
