Scots Taffer on 17/1/2008 at 04:31
I think the real question has missed everyone: do you have a close sister or a favourite pet?
icemann on 17/1/2008 at 05:13
He doesn`t live in Southern U.S.A or Tasmania Scots.
fett on 17/1/2008 at 05:20
Quote Posted by BrokenArts
To dump or not to dump. One thing is clear, she needs to quit this behavior. I'd make that perfectly clear to her. Date and grow some balls woman, be honest with yourself and the guy, and don't cheat. You get bored, move on then, instead of lying.
One thing fett, these guys are young, they'll do whatever they want. All the advice in the world will only go so far. I was married for 16 years too. Been around the block enough. They have to find out the hard way, and make up their own mind.
True 'dat. Just seems like everyone gets confused when feelings go away and they mistake it for fleeting love. Love is something you make a decision to do, not something you always feel like doing. Ohgod that sounds cliche but it's the main thing I've learned in my marriage and it's paid off over and over again.
demagogue on 17/1/2008 at 06:23
Quote Posted by icemann
He doesn`t live in Southern U.S.A...
Quote Posted by Biohazard
Location: Texas
Inline Image:
http://i14.tinypic.com/6jxtx0o.gifTasmania I'll give you, but Texas fought for the Confederacy and everything.
.....................
My thinking on the whole thing ... I've become skeptical of any relationship advice anybody gives on most anything anymore. There's always some qualification or another that can change everything. There are all kinds of relationships in all kinds of situations, but yeah for the ones that work, in my experience, usually at the root is some sort of decision or commitment or understanding that transcends all the day-to-day crap couples go through. There isn't always a clear path to get there, I'm beginning to wonder if there isn't even a certain arbitrariness to it, but if you want to make something work, I'd think that's the direction you want to either figure out how to go or admit there isn't a way ... which is something you almost have to divine and play by ear; at least I don't know a magic formula for finding out. You don't have to tolerate her doing this sort of thing if it's a part of her nature she doesn't seem committed to stopping. But time and changes people, so does making a decision. I guess I'm saying what others have already said, but it seems right to me.
icemann on 17/1/2008 at 06:29
Ok I`ll give you that one
mopgoblin on 17/1/2008 at 07:52
I mostly agree with Stitch and demagogue; this isn't really something that other people can give you much help with. It's not just a question of whether she can change, but also a question of whether you feel you'll ever be able to trust her again, and that in particular is something you have to figure out yourself.
BrokenArts on 17/1/2008 at 12:36
Quote Posted by mopgoblin
I mostly agree with Stitch and demagogue; this isn't really something that other people can give you much help with. It's not just a question of whether she can change, but also a question of whether you feel you'll ever be able to trust her again, and that in particular is something you have to figure out yourself.
That should go without saying, pretty much a no brainer, how can you trust anyone, guy or girl that cheats.
Each relationship is different only Bio can figure out what he wants to do. Best of luck man.
Angel Dust on 17/1/2008 at 13:49
My partner cheated on me 2 years ago. Sure it hurt when I found out and I even hated her a little but once all the messy initial emotions dissipated and I considered all facts about the 'deed' and our relationship at the time I knew giving her a second chance was the right thing for both of us. I haven't regretted that decision (been together for 4 years now and we just bought a house) and I definitely trust her again. As bizarre as it is I might even say her indiscretion stengthened our relationship in alot of ways
You really have to gauge the situation yourself. fett has some good advice but ultimately the decision is yours. I will offer a couple of points of advice:
1. I am assuming the cheating was a one night stand type thing? I would be very wary of taking her back if it was an actual affair. That means much more than just the basic giving in to temptation of a one night stand.
2. Don't get hung up on her cheating history. It is definitely something to consider but don't buy into the whole 'once a cheater always a cheater' (maybe '28 times a cheater always a cheater'). People can change but more often than not the barrier to change is not themselves but other people who in a way won't let them change.
Biohazard on 17/1/2008 at 14:13
I appreciate all the advice and support. I realize that I've given little background or detail about this, but I don't really feel like it and ultimately my tale wouldn't benefit anyone here.
However, I thought with such a wide range of people I would hear stories about how cheating has/has not ruined a relationship. I appreciate you all sharing your thoughts and stories, as it has let me think about things in a new way and ultimately make a decision.
