Shevers on 30/9/2003 at 14:52

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I have reached heights of boredom previously thought impossible. And the following is the result.

To be sung to the tune of 'American Pie' by Don McClean (Long Version)

A long, long time ago,
I can still remember when that AI overran Citadel.
And I knew if I had my chance,
that I could kill SHODAN and then,
then maybe we'd be happy for a while.
The Medical deck made me shiver,
with every blow that I'd deliver.
Bad news for the mutants,
who tried to gouge my eyes out.
I can't remember if I cried,
when I read about D'Arcy's death,
I thrust my lead pipe deep inside,
the skull of the responsible cyborg.

I started singing,
Bye bye Mrs. Sentient AI,
drove you all the way out Citadel,
from the jack on the bridge.
And Rebecca Lansing told me how to do it,
saying 'Destroy her from in cyberspace',
'Destroy her from in cyberspace'.

Did you write SHODAN's programme,
and why did you make her Ethical Constraints,
so easy to break into?
Now do you believe in saving the world,
before SHODAN downloads her code,
into the Earth's computer system?

Well I know she made work easier,
cause I saw her before she went mad.
She cleaned up all the floors,
and did complex mathematical sums.

But was that worth the whole crew being killed,
with a cyborg, a mutant and an airborne virus?
They all knew they were out of luck the day SHODAN went mad.

They started singing,
Bye bye Mrs. Sentient AI,
drove you all the way out Citadel,
from the jack on the bridge.
And Rebecca Lansing told me how to do it,
saying 'Destroy her from in cyberspace',
'Destroy her from in cyberspace'.

Now for 50 years we've been AI free,
and the Many grow fat on a giant ship,
but that's not how it used to be.
When the cyborg killed for the evil computer,
in an outfit borrowed from the Terminator,
and a voice that said the same thing over and over.

Oh and while the cyborg was looking down,
I hit it with a Laser Rapier.
I smashed it in the head,
It mad no return.

And while SHODAN read a log from me,
the mutants ate out in Research,
and waited by the lift for a snack,
the day the AI went mad.

And they were singing,
Bye bye Mrs. Sentient AI,
drove you all the way out Citadel,
from the jack on the bridge.
And Rebecca Lansing told me how to do it,
saying 'Destroy her from in cyberspace',
'Destroy her from in cyberspace'.

A barrage of fire from the Security level,
the cyborgs ran off followed by my Skorpion,
Their little health was falling fast
they were landing dead on the floor,
the mutants tried for one last swipe,
with the cyborgs in the middle in a pile.

After the battle Diego tried to fight,
with SHODAN's threats by his side,
Tried to kill me with twin Laser Rapiers,
Oh, but he never got the chance.
Cause my power was much stronger than his,
and very soon he was forced to yield,
then his weaknesses were revealed,
the day the AI went mad.

He started singing,
Bye bye Mrs. Sentient AI,
drove you all the way out Citadel,
from the jack on the bridge.
And Rebecca Lansing told me how to do it,
saying 'Destroy her from in cyberspace',
'Destroy her from in cyberspace'.

Oh, I knew SHODAN was in one place,
in the confines of cyberspace,
with no power left to fight me well.
In cyberspace I was nimble, I was quick,
SHODAN knew that this was it,
cause she had no more ICE nodes as her friends.
Oh, and as I watched her finally explode,
my hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No way of knowing she was returning,
to give the Von Braun's crew hell.

And as the station blew up later that night,
No one thought about the Gamma Grove.
And SHODAN was laughing with delight,
the day she got away.

And she was singing,
Bye bye Mrs. Sentient AI,
drove you all the way out Citadel,
from the jack on the bridge.
And Rebecca Lansing told me how to do it,
saying 'Destroy her from in cyberspace',
'Destroy her from in cyberspace'.

I volunteered for the Von Braun,
hoping I would have some happy times,
but SHODAN soon again showed her face.
I went down to the Rickenbakker's chuch,
where I discovered it was pointing to hell,
Bayliss was there, but this time he was dead.
And in medical Dr. Watts screamed.
He died just as I got to him.
A couple of words were spoken,
The Many's secret was broken.
And the three sides that I hated most,
the Many, the monkeys, and SHODAN of course,
they went to war all over again,
the day the AI came back.

And they were singing,
Bye bye Mrs. Sentient AI,
drove you all the way out Citadel,
from the jack on the bridge.
And Rebecca Lansing told me how to do it,
saying 'Destroy her from in cyberspace',
'Destroy her from in cyberspace'.

She was saying,
Bye bye Mrs. Sentient AI,
drove you all the way out Citadel,
from the jack on the bridge.
And Rebecca Lansing told me how to do it,
saying 'Destroy her from in cyberspace'.

:sly:

LesserFollies on 30/9/2003 at 16:25

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Not bad! :D
It helps if you know the song.

Wuggles on 30/9/2003 at 20:47

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Sorry Shevers, but this kind of thing won't make its way into aftershock;)

NoOne on 30/9/2003 at 21:24

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someone sing it and make .mp3 :idea:

i'd do it myself but you really wouldn't want to hear me singing :sly:

-Londiste
...i'll never grow up!

Kolya on 30/9/2003 at 23:18

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That'll be too long and ... err nerve-wrecking. If some people would sing the only the chorus we could mix and make up a choir!

How about that, Dischord?! :joke:
Ehm, I meant: JOIN US!

Kolya