fett on 3/3/2016 at 18:29
So, I'm probably going to get kicked out of here. For the record, I've been ultra-compliant for 17 years with this disease (well, now the disease is gone, but I'm still as compliant with the artificial). Hospital rooms are just not designed for long term occupation, but I got them to move me to the biggest room on the ward. I'm a bit isolated down here, so it's quiet at night, which is really good considering I'm in an ICU unit. I could technically go home, because I'm "stable" on paper, but my status on the transplant list drops significantly as opposed to me being admitted here. I'm friendly with the nurses, and they try to have my back as much as possible.
The "administration" apparently wants me to behave like I'm bed-ridden and intubated, like everyone else here. But I'm ambulatory, self-sufficient, and trying to make things as normal as possible for myself, and especially when the kids come to visit. So there's a laundry list of things I'm doing that are "against policy."
* Moved by bed against the wall to make more floor space
* Conncted my Xbox to the awesome HD monitor in my room
* Connected speakers to said monitor
* Leeched the employee wi-fi because the guest connection sucks
* Bought a plug-in cooler/fridge so I could keep my own food in my room
* Cooking with an induction burner and convection oven in my room
* Ordering grocery deliveries from Peapod and Hello Fresh
* Hiding a cot in the corner for my wife when she sleeps over. Because sex.
* Taking my own vitals for the nurses every four hours so I'm not interrupted from writing, thinking (okay, masturbating) that often
* Connecting to the printer at the nearest nurse station via employee wi-fi
* Having my kids in the room for extended periods of time without non-patient, adult supervision (seriously, on this one, fuck their policy with a helicopter)
* Utilizing the patient food room/refrigerator to prepare meals for myself and the night-shift nurses.
* Having alcohol in my room (for cooking)
Apparently, I shouldn't be doing these things. But, fuck it, I'm doing it anyway. I figure the worst they can do is try to throw me out, in which case it will be interesting to watch them explain to my docs and transplant coordinators why I'm leaving over not being able to have a crock pot in my room. At some point, there's going to have to be a separate policy for people in my situation because there are more and more artificial implants on the horizon. I've been here almost 7 weeks now, the cafeteria food sucks, and I'm just done tip-toeing around their stupid policies that don't accommodate the needs of the patient. I've been a relatively straight guy my whole life, and it's bizarre to feel proud of breaking the rules, and especially to have waited until what may possibly be the end of my life to do it, and in such a seemingly insignificant way. But the people giving me shit aren't the ones taking care of me, they're the ones billing my insurance company, so it feels really good to be able to tell them to get bent when they hassle me.
Tonight for dinner: Whiskey braised, boneless short ribs with pan-seared gnocchi and roasted sweet potato fries, prepared while listening to Wu-Tang at an impolite volumes, but I don't give a shit 'cause the people in the next two rooms don't even know there's a universe anymore, much less that someone's playing music too loud and cooking the hell out of some short ribs.
Medlar on 3/3/2016 at 19:11
Man, you could even cook your own pies!!!
rachel on 3/3/2016 at 20:20
you're a god damn hero, man.
dj_ivocha on 3/3/2016 at 20:30
Huh, so you guys have Hello Fresh over there too? I thought it was some German startup that keeps sending me TWENTY EURO VOUCHERS for my first order, even though the stuff is still much too expensive and hard to receive when you are not at home because UPS (it's not that widely used in Germany, at least not for private recipients and the next office is some 10km away from home).
Also, while not nearly as important as Hello Fresh delivering in the US as well, it's still nice that you can enjoy doing all those filthy crimes you listed. As long as the nurses don't mind, which they apparently don't, nobody higher up is likely to take "official" notice, even though they all know about it. I just watched Scrubs and it's like that there too!
SlyFoxx on 3/3/2016 at 20:31
Just tell the admins that they don't know what it's like and that they don't have a clue and if they did they'd find themselves doin' the same think too.
So get the *#!% down and put some action in your life!
Tocky on 4/3/2016 at 02:30
Welcome to the dark side. We do indeed have cookies but half of them are poison.
Just kidding, half of them are peyote buttons dipped in cookie dough.
Just kidding, they all are.
I hope you don't mind if I put the paraplegic guy in the next room out of his misery. He has been listening to your crap music and smelling your wonderful ribs he can't taste and is ready to die now.
Dia on 4/3/2016 at 13:03
God, I LOVE you, fett! When you aim to misbehave you usually do it in fett-spectacular fashion. Sounds like some of the staff there already have your back, so I kinda doubt that you'll get thrown out. Wish I lived close enough to visit! Now there's a thought; a truly EPIC TTLG meet in fett's hospital room. I'd pay to attend that! Stay strong and fabulous, my beloved bad boy!
SlyFoxx on 4/3/2016 at 13:04
I'll bring the bong.
bjack on 4/3/2016 at 16:17
Head phones for night time. Febreze for the chili cook offs.
242 on 4/3/2016 at 17:53
fett, so as I got it you feel yourself much better than with your failing heart in the past? No unpleasant feel of lack of oxygen or something like that, you feel like a healthy man now (minus the necessity of care about the artificial heart)?
