Sulphur on 23/11/2010 at 15:04
'So it was your girlfriend's idea to come on this cruise?'
'Yeah, she loves sea life. Everything about the sea, really. I don't, but the effect it has on her is... almost transcendental, you know? She gets so pumped. And it makes me happy to see that. So we both win out.'
'Cool.'
'Yeah, man. She loves the sea so much. Everything in it, too. I took her to this sushi place once, she damn near had a fit. Called it animal cruelty. Nearly donated my goldfish to PETA. She loves them fishes.'
'Wow. That's a little scary, actually.'
'Not as scary as what she can do with a live eel.'
'Oh?'
'Oh yeah. Scariest thing you ever saw. And the worst part? She's so freaking good at it. It's almost like she's giving that fish the time of its life.'
'I can see what you mean.'
'Shit, I don't think so. You should see her at it.'
'I think I am. Is she the one in the armchair over there?'
'Yeah.'
'With the blue pulsating dildo in her face that's got these freaky tentacles sprouting out from one end?'
'Yeah, that's her. Sheeit, that reminds me, did I tell you what she could do with a couple of tentacles?'
'No, but I think... yeah, I see what you mean. Man, there's another one that's landed on her. Fuck, that's fucking freaky. Flew right out of nowhere!'
'Not if you know where she stores those suckers, man. It ain't freaky at all.'
'You mean she's got them in her...'
'Yeah. Every night's a surprise.'
'Man, I sure wouldn't want to be you.'
'Oh, you get used to it. Better than finding crabs on the beach, y'know what I mean?'
'Hahaha, fuck yeah, I geddit. Oh fuck is that an entire SWARM of the things heading here?'
'Yeah. Shit. We gotta save her.'
'And how do we do that?'
'Fuck if I know. Show them an old woman's tits? How do you beat off a swarm of blue penis headed things sprouting freaky tentacles?'
'Shit man, I dunno, show them a Skinnin' the Shark magazine?'
'Well, that's the one thing I don't have in my pants. I says, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.'
'Okay. Sounds like a plan. Let's go, then.'
'All right. I hope to fuck we got enough fucking lube.'
june gloom on 23/11/2010 at 15:20
i am never fucking going outside ever again
Renzatic on 23/11/2010 at 19:00
Sulphur. That is the most rousing tale of the sea I've ever read. To think that I'm associated, however loosely, with someone who can commit such awe inspiring words to paper fills my heart with such pride. Such joy. I can't even begin to express my gratitude.
I dunno whether I should cry because I can't handle the raw beauty of what Sulphur has given us, or furiously masturbate to the hot fish on mammal action contained therein.
You know you've read a good story when you're faced with this kind of indecision. Hell, I think I'll just do both.
Sulphur on 23/11/2010 at 19:20
You know, when you randomly pair off the words in raw beauty and hot fish, you get raw fish and hot beauty. Which is pretty much what inspired me to do this.
I've been known to cry and furiously flog my dolphin as well, and my advice is: do whichever feels right. At the end of the day, it's still fluids coming out of you, one way or the other. I've done both in the same day, sometimes even one after the other. There's joy in a single tear drop and sorrow in a pearl of prelube; the only difference between the two is your eyes can't squirt semen and your penis can't drain from two separate orifices for fifteen minutes without either feeling very sore.
You're very welcome.
Dia on 23/11/2010 at 23:09
This is why I live in the Midwest: no sharks, no flying squid, just the occasional tornado.
And once every 50 yrs. or so a minor earthquake.
demagogue on 24/11/2010 at 02:08
water out of their siphuncle
out their siphuncle
siphuncle
water out of their siphuncle
Scots Taffer on 24/11/2010 at 05:15
I said flash FRY the calamari goddammit
