jasee on 26/5/2007 at 07:23
Quote Posted by Scots_Taffer
She wouldn't go for anal, eh?
Ha Ha, Maybe that was the was the problem with me and my missus - I wouldnt go for anal either - she kept going about using a strap-on on me:eek: , but I made it clear from the start that my ass was for one thing only:wot:
Vasquez on 26/5/2007 at 08:49
Scots, I don't believe anyone who is in a serious relationship would cheat lightly. It's just that "cheating" in reality isn't just one circumstance where things go similarly every time - there are countless different people, different situations, different feelings, problems, reasons etc. Of course, everyone has the right to set zero tolerance in their own relationship, but if someone else is willing to be more understanding, that doesn't always mean they're totally immoral or emotionally handicapped.
At best, cheating can stop a downward spiral that would've otherwise led to a break-up. It's a harsh way to re-open the communication that has been blocked for whatever reason, but in some cases it can actually save a relationship. (Not to be recommended, though, as the first tool to fix a bad marriage ;) )
New Horizon, I understand what you mean, or at least I think I do.
Shug, and I'm not 30 anymore ;)
Shug on 26/5/2007 at 09:03
you always will be, in my heart :(
Vigil on 26/5/2007 at 09:26
To clarify for those who might presume my marriage is built on a teetering tower of lies: I don't personally believe in withholding anything from my partner, and I'm certainly not good enough at lying or living with guilt to actually do so.
However from what I've read and seen, this is an unwise and naïve approach. Especially when it comes to big relationship-damaging things, and especially when the betrayal is past. Obviously the idea is to not screw up in the first place, but if you do and can live with yourself then I think it really is better all round to never let your partner know.
Which doesn't really apply here anyway, since by the sounds of it Jasee's ex used his breach of trust as an excuse rather than as a reason.
Vasquez on 26/5/2007 at 09:34
Quote Posted by Vigil
Obviously the idea is to not screw up in the first place, but if you do and can live with yourself then I think it really is better all round to never let your partner know.
I agree, especially when it often seems that confessions are made to move the responsibility of the situation to the other person. Sort of "I've come clean, now it's his/hers job to decide what happens next and carry the burden of whether we go on or break up."
The best punishment for the cheater is to simmer in his/her own guilt and fear of the truth coming out some day.
This obviously applies only to one-time mistake, serial cheaters are another story, they shouldn't be in a (supposedly) monogamous relationship at all.
jasee on 26/5/2007 at 09:55
Quote Posted by Vigil
since by the sounds of it Jasee's ex used his breach of trust as an excuse rather than as a reason.
I second that - although I guess it took this thread to make me realise/admit that.
Trust is the biggest thing I think though, and that covers a lot of ways in which couples keep their relationships going. Some dont even have to think about it cos it just happens. Others may let there partners 'explore' other people cos they trust its for the better good of the relationship, rather than just getting thier rocks off. Some people may 'trust', or perhaps hope, that kids are a good enough reason to keep a relationship going (although ultimately I dont think that ever works long term).
God there're so many permutations, eh... but I would rather fall into the category of not having to think or worry about it, cos you are with the 'other half of you', and if both partners feel that, then they, and thier relationship, are complete, and sure to last.
Like Jimi said, 'The story of life is quicker than the blink of an eye, The story of love, is hello and goodbye' - whether the relationship is short lived or long term - or until death, thats ultimately true.
LesserFollies on 26/5/2007 at 14:40
There are a lot of people weighing in on this thread who've had exactly zero experience with any breach of trust in their own relationships. Maybe my own opinion is based on too MUCH experience with it; if you'd posed this question to me ten years ago I might have also blamed the wife. I guess the moral of the story is, if you're doing something you have to lie about, you're married to the wrong person. :\
jasee on 26/5/2007 at 16:07
Quote Posted by LesserFollies
if you'd posed this question to me ten years ago I might have also blamed the wife. :\
I really hope it hasn't come across that I have been blaming my wife - if you are refering directly to me. I put my hands up from the start of the thread, and since then, I have been trying to understand, with other peoples experiences, the overall picture of what has been going on in our lives, with a view to lessen the impact on our kids.
Obviously, if you weren't referring to me directly, then I apologise for the misunderstanding. : )
Rug Burn Junky on 26/5/2007 at 16:51
Quote Posted by Scots_Taffer
Or a person who just strongly values relationships and doesn't believe that infidelity is a choice that people make lightly.
Didn't she cover that already?[indent]
Quote:
a young and unrealistic idealist
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