jasee on 25/5/2007 at 15:00
I respect that Sparhawk . . .the way you encouraged your step daughter to see him, and vice versa, but at the same time having to use that extra bit of common sense because of her fathers circumstances.
I feel better now, and the future seems less bleak and lonely.
Thanx to you all:thumb:
Jasee
Lost Soul on 25/5/2007 at 16:30
Hello Jasee, thanks for the PM back, most appreciated and welcome. Lots more posts since I PM’ed you and most with something good to think about.:sly: As you said at the top of this thread, there are a good bunch of people on this forum willing to give more than just personal abuse.:wot: Which seems to be the driving force on other web-sites. Good luck with things and as I said, I hope you can live with whatever the outcome will be.
All the best..:thumb:
jasee on 25/5/2007 at 16:41
Quote Posted by Lost Soul
there are a good bunch of people on this forum willing to give more than just personal abuse.:wot: Which seems to be the driving force on other web-sites. Good luck with things and as I said, I hope you can live with whatever the outcome will be.
All the best..:thumb:
Amen to that Lost Soul, and thanx again to you.
Karen, Tayler and I had a real good day - it was like the old days. And when she picked up Reece ( the eldest ) from school, we asked him if he wanted to spend the weekend with me, or meet her new fella, and he thought about for a few secs, bless him, and said "I want to see my dad ".
If it had gone the other way I would have been cool with that cos it will happen anyway, and I had said to her earlier " look, I know I am supposed to spend the weekend with them, but if you want to take them you can IF its ok with them "
Phase one of getting it together again complete - with a little help of course:thumb:
Jasee
Shug on 25/5/2007 at 19:19
Quote Posted by New Horizon
If my wife were to cheat on me with another man or woman, I couldn't hate her for that...I couldn't call her down to the lowest for that, because outside of all that she would still be my friend and I would want to talk to her about why she felt the need to go outside of our relationship for physical contact. Perhaps emotionally, I could not fulfill her at that point in her life...or it's something she just needed to do to grow as a person. Who knows? We don't understand half of the things we do as human beings. What I do know, is that we're programmed to treat everything like a freaking soap opera. Life isn't like that.
Life isn't a soap opera, but neither is it the bloody oprah winfrey show. Seriously... you think that your spouse / serious girlfriend / partner / whatever has sex with someone else because they need to do it to "grow as a person"? Just putting it out there, but having a solid relationship should mean that if there's some kind of problem, you deal with it rather than them running off and fucking someone else - all this OH BUT WE'RE HUMAN WE MAKE MISTAKES applies to people accidentally missing a birthday party not completely shoving the person that they should be closest to and jumping in the sack with the best mate because they're currently not emotionally fulfilled
the carebear approach to this scenario is somewhat sickening - i'm sure your sentiments are heartfelt, but that's something of a doormat attitude to have in my opinion - it's not exactly a "oh honey, i mayyyy have accidentally slept with brett from accounts *giggle*", is it
on the topic of old mate jasee, who knows what the real story is, given the old forum short story, but best of luck if you're genuinely making a go of a bad situation
also lol @ vigil posting those replies on a forum his wife frequents
sparhawk on 25/5/2007 at 21:39
Quote Posted by Shug
Life isn't a soap opera, but neither is it the bloody oprah winfrey show. Seriously... you think that your spouse / serious girlfriend / partner / whatever has sex with someone else because they need to do it to "grow as a person"? Just putting it out there, but having a solid relationship should mean that if there's some kind of problem, you deal with it rather than them running off and fucking someone else - all this OH BUT WE'RE HUMAN WE MAKE MISTAKES applies to people accidentally missing a birthday party not completely shoving the person that they should be closest to and jumping in the sack with the best mate because they're currently not emotionally fulfilled
Well, the bar is set differently for different people. Some have no problems if their partner screws around with others, and some wont allow even to look at others. I think you select your partner on what fits to you. If not your both in trouble and it wont work out in the end. The problem is that some people think they abolsutely need somebody, so they take whatever comes along first, instead of looking harder. I know I tried that route myself. I thought, well, maybe I'm just to picky, and gave a girl a try where I knew that we will not get along well. But she caught me in a good mood, and so I tried it, and it was a big mistake. Well, it took only a few days anyway. :) After that experience I said to myself, that I shouldn't lower my standards, and today I have a wife, which makes a perfect match and we get along really well. If I had made compromises I wouldn't be happy today, or already divorced again. NH is a pretty diplomatic guy, so I guess he knows what he is talking about. :)
Quote:
also lol @ vigil posting those replies on a forum his wife frequents
LOL indeed. :)
Vasquez on 25/5/2007 at 22:51
That sort of strict opinion as Shug's comes only from a person who has recently been cheated and hasn't gotten over it, or from a young and unrealistic idealist, or from a person who hasn't cheated
yet ;)
There are small meaningless mistakes, and then there are big mistakes. There are also people who don't really give a fuck (hehe) about other peoples' feelings, but you can hardly place every person who has cheated into that category.
Also, making mistakes and learning from them are part of growing as a person.
EDIT:
Quote Posted by New Horizon
We don't understand half of the things we do as human beings.
This is very true, well said.
Scots Taffer on 25/5/2007 at 23:49
Quote Posted by Vasquez
That sort of strict opinion as Shug's comes only from a person who has recently been cheated and hasn't gotten over it, or from a young and unrealistic idealist, or from a person who hasn't cheated
yet ;)
Or a person who just strongly values relationships and doesn't believe that infidelity is a choice that people make lightly.
Shug on 26/5/2007 at 04:50
To clarify my standpoint isn't one of somebody who has been slept around on etc, but I find it fairly off-putting that people can lump serious infidelity with 'just a mistake' - not just because I think that's a rubbish copout, but also because of the consequences of such things on a relationship. In many cases it creates either ongoing resentment, or establishes an emotional 'superiority' of one partner over another (who needs who more, etc). Of course, I should clearly state that this is in the context of a relationship where both people have made it abundantly clear that they expect exclusiveness; if you're the type of person that has different priorities, it's obviously less of an issue. But for the type of relationships that I've been involved in, I'd class it as utter poison and would react pretty strongly if it were ever to happen to a relationship I'm in
Additionally - I'm not 15 anymore Vassie, as much as you like to look back on those times on irc fondly
New Horizon on 26/5/2007 at 05:25
Quote Posted by Shug
Life isn't a soap opera, but neither is it the bloody oprah winfrey show. Seriously... you think that your spouse / serious girlfriend / partner / whatever has sex with someone else because they need to do it to "grow as a person"? Just putting it out there, but having a solid relationship should mean that if there's some kind of problem, you deal with it rather than them running off and fucking someone else - all this OH BUT WE'RE HUMAN WE MAKE MISTAKES applies to people accidentally missing a birthday party not completely shoving the person that they should be closest to and jumping in the sack with the best mate because they're currently not emotionally fulfilled
Emotionally...or spiritually. I don't expect anyone else to understand. Just because it causes disgust to some, does not mean that it isn't valid. The general population is programmed to believe monogamy is the be all and end all of relationships. Sorry, but that's not exactly human nature. While some are really good at it, that doesn't mean it's the solution for everyone.
You're trivializing the nature of what I said...I don't believe I stated directly that a person should just go out and fuck someone...if there is a problem, you do discuss it...but what if the person does feel that they need to explore other people? What then? Do you just drop them?
I'm thankful as fuck that my wife was understanding enough to allow me the opportunity to do just that during our relationship. It's not abuse, nor is it disrespectful...and in being able to explore other people...it didn't destroy our relationship, it didn't betray our trust. What it did do was develop our relationship. We've been together for fifteen years. I'm not saying that would work for everyone...definitely not, what I am saying...is that you can't just slap a label on everything and everyone. That's not how life works, sad to say. It's far more robust than that, far more colorful. My relationship was strong enough, and mature enough to explore other possibilities. Whether people agree with that or not is irrelevant. I love my wife without doubt or question, and would gladly stand aside and grant her the same freedom she gave me years ago.
Scots Taffer on 26/5/2007 at 06:49
She wouldn't go for anal, eh?
