"Runaway Bride" OR "I been kidnapped by a Messican"

ejsmith on 3/5/2005 at 03:35

God damn flighty. I think I'd get cold feet after this one. Or I think I wouldn't have had such a big fucking wedding in the first place. What I'd have done is have a small wedding, and then taken a Caribbean cruise on a yacht.

(I'd have added a Mediterranean cruise onto that, too, but I hear the fucking Euros really hate us Americans right now, so I'd just stick to our hemisphere for the while).

Agent Monkeysee on 3/5/2005 at 04:38

Quote Posted by Para?noid

Haha, I got one, I got one: It may look cool, but

THAT THE FUCK IS THE SUBJECT OF THIS THREAD

(http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20050503/ap_on_re_us/runaway_bride)

Bride vanishes before wedding
Family fears kidnapping, Media masturbates wildly over the prospect
Few days later she shows up in New Mexico saying her kidnappers let her go
Turns out there were no kidnappers, she just ran like a bitch
For some asinine reason groom still wants to marry her

Also bride looks like a goddamn deer in headlights in every single photo taken of her.
Also details of family celebrations before wedding are mildy creepy, read like massive corporate retreats
As usual most of us don't give a shit but media seems to think we do because they're a bunch of addle-brained retards with ADD

LesserFollies on 3/5/2005 at 14:24

Weddings are horrible. I was miserable before and during mine, and it was just a tiny family thing. Having said that, what kind of crazy, SELFISH, fucked-up person would decide to fabricate a story of kidnapping, complete with hysterical 911 call? Was she planning on maintaining this lie the rest of her life? I think she should be sentenced to... ok, let's say, 500 years of community service. Because clearly this woman needs to be reminded that she's not the only person on earth. And how many hundreds of non-photogenic, minority and poor women go missing every fucking day, while the media makes a huge fuss over the pretty white women and children???? God, sometimes I hate this country.

Sombras on 3/5/2005 at 15:27

And...an important but lesser discussed subplot to this story is that it is yet another example of a fake crime being blamed on some villain whose ethnic/racial background makes the bogus claim more believable to the media and law enforcement community. (How's that line in The Family Guy go? --"Now, now. Guns don't kill people--minorities do!") All the more off-putting that she was nabbed by "a Hispanic male and a white female"--obviously one of those crazy mixed-race-sex-crazed-druggie-kidnapper-preying-on-virginal-though-strange-looking-white-women crime rings. :tsktsk:

And yes, she DOES look like a cross between Chris Kattan, Martin Short, and Frodo's sister.

Pogosdick on 4/5/2005 at 22:39

As wrong-headed and retarded as her fake crime claims are, I don't think her equal opportunity claim is a large component in her fabrication. If it were, why throw a "white lady" into the mix. In any event, that example you provided is no stereotype I've ever heard.

Besides, even if it were, this is small potatoes compared to the rash of fake "hate-crimes" that have been exposed accross the nation these past few years. Fake hate-crimes designed to directly place the blame on whites that is.

Predictably, that doesn't seem to raise as many alarm bells. I can think of five or six off the top of my head from the past year alone, though I could find only a few independant articles.

(http://xpress.sfsu.edu/archives/news/000424.html)

(http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/snohomishcountynews/2002011636_arson21m.html)

TheGreatGodPan on 5/5/2005 at 00:55

Whenever I've got nothing better to do, I send myself death threats and hate mail too. It helps to keep you humble.

Tocky on 5/5/2005 at 01:28

Hey, who hasn't awakened in Tiajuana aching from both ends and blamed it on those damn messcans?

Also I'm frightened I find noid so humorus. Hold me.

SithLord2001 on 5/5/2005 at 15:55

Well I think she should have to pay back every single cent spent on her search, plus interest because she just looks ugly, and should have to do a hell of a lot of community service...in poor mexican neighborhoods (if there are any in Atlanta) and should probably see a shrink to straighten out her "problems"

henke on 5/5/2005 at 16:25

Quote Posted by SithLord2001

Well I think she should have to pay back every single cent spent on her search, plus interest because she just looks ugly

LOL

Quote Posted by SithLord2001

and should have to do a hell of a lot of community service...in poor mexican neighborhoods

LMAO

Quote Posted by SithLord2001

and should probably see a shrink to straighten out her "problems"

ROFL

TheGreatGodPan on 5/5/2005 at 20:27

Quote Posted by SithLord2001

poor mexican neighborhoods (if there are any in Atlanta)

I used to live there. There are.