thefonz on 21/1/2010 at 20:01
A teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a pair of compasses, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
'"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," the Attorney General said. "They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values." They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.
:weird:
SubJeff on 21/1/2010 at 20:04
Ha ha ha. Top notch. :laff: :thumb:
So where did you copy and paste if from cuz you know you b'aint be writin it?
thefonz on 21/1/2010 at 20:20
Email today at work.
It gets the point across.
june gloom on 21/1/2010 at 21:40
I've seen a slightly better written version on bash.org.
CCCToad on 21/1/2010 at 21:54
My timing to make that post just turned out to be pretty bad, something much worse just popped up: (
http://www.philly.com/philly/news/local/20100121_Daniel_Rubin__It_was_no_joke_at_security_gate.html)
Quote:
wo thoughts came to her in a jumble: A terrorist was using her to sneak bomb-detonating materials on the plane. Or a drug dealer had made her an unwitting mule, planting coke or some other trouble in her bag while she wasn't looking.
She'd left her carry-on by her feet as she handed her license and boarding pass to a security agent at the beginning of the line.
Answer truthfully, the TSA worker informed her, and everything will be OK.
Solomon, 5-foot-3 and traveling alone, looked up at the man in the black shirt and fought back tears.
Put yourself in her place and count out 20 seconds. Her heart pounded. She started to sweat. She panicked at having to explain something she couldn't.
Now picture her expression as the TSA employee started to smile.
Just kidding, he said. He waved the baggie. It was his.
june gloom on 21/1/2010 at 23:43
Holy shit that is all kinds of colossal douchebaggery.
Queue on 21/1/2010 at 23:44
My wife was damn near strip-searched at Detroit Metro for having too large of a container of hand lotion in her purse, and not putting it in a ziplock bag (which would somehow keep it from exploding in mid-flight... I'm not too up on modern physics...).
Master Villain on 21/1/2010 at 23:47
I thought the idea was that you put it in a ziplock bag and carry the bag seperately so they can see what you're carrying. Because being able to see it in the airport stops it exploding on the plane.
Queue on 21/1/2010 at 23:49
And they say the world isn't flat.
thefonz on 22/1/2010 at 13:39
Quote Posted by Queue
And they say the world isn't flat.
That would really confuse the evil terrorists.
This reminds me of one time I flew London to New York years ago - I first went through the usual security gate - happily all i usually take onto planes is my mp3 player and a magazine/ds lite so no baggage. Then there was the passport queue, then there was the shoe queue, then I was stopped and searched when I went through the beepy thing, then ANOTHER shoe queue and then finally - I was randomly stopped to give a sample of hair for and I shit you no - RADIATION checking. And incase you don't know what I look like - pretty much the least dodgy looking chap you're likely to meet.
All the time while I watched folks with laptops and bags breezing through.
Then I got to Duty Free where Costa was out of tuna sandwiches. :nono:
