1000 clues that you have been playing thief way to much ... - by Mr Croft
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:50
Seven:
595) You put Thief in your cd-rom and glue the drive door shut so that you will not accidentaly take Thief out.
(Sorry if these have been posted before; I didn't have time to read the whole list.)
596) You upgrade your Zip drive to a 250 just so you can save the entire snd.crf file to it.
597) You design your own Thief opperating system where you have to find keys and defeat guards before you can open files.
598) You write your own program to save this topic to your hard drive. You include an automatic update feature.
599) You write a program so that when you turn on your computer you have to play Bafford's on expert in under five minutes before it wil let you run Windows.
Swiftblade:
600) When walking in rooms with tile floors you walk on tiptoes to avoid stepping on panels that will send spears flying out of the wall.
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:52
SecludedMemory:
601) When you get ready for work, you think your trenchcoat and tie are a Hammerite and a hammer out to bash your brains out.
Sharga:
I can't believe we passed 600!
602) You never walk up stairs, you always have used the rope arrow to get to the second floor.
603) You build your house entirely out of wood.
Thief_ZeR0:
604) When you walk into an open area, you suddenly expect the frame rate to drop to the floor, and walls to suddely dissapear.
Paz:
605(blimey) ) You're on this forum and reading this thread, even though the English football season kicks off in about 10 minutes. (Oldham Vs Preston, ahhh the glory of division two ).
606) You spend hours cultivating various strains of mould and bacteria, searching for the one that makes no noise when you walk on it.
Sharga:
607) Every time you go on an elevator you are amaized that it actually works.
Para?noid:
608) Life is a giant scripted sequence.
Sharga:
609) You are always afraid of old men taking your eye out.
610) You hate all frogs, rats, and praying mantises or manti (whichever is the correct plural form for mantis)
Paz:
611) You get confused and type entries number 509 and 510, when it should be 609 and 610 (Sharga! ).
Sharga:
612) You find out that Sharga already said that on page 7, #460
------------------------------------------
I'm one step ahead of you!
------------------
"I'll give you what for ya tike!"
Keeper Mallinson:
613) Whenever you see rotting mushy fruit on the ground, you feel inclined to eat it to give yourself strength.
Fred Chook:
614) You have links to every Thief site you find, and all the sites on their links pages, etc, etc...
Paz:
615) You knew Sharga was going to say that (or should that be under 1000 clues you've been on the Thief forum way too long?).
HeadFish:
616) You go to dinner with friends, and when they tell you to pull up a seat, you tell them they're living in a fantasy land.
617) You knock someone out and are amazed that they change position when dropped.
618) You actually believe in the Builder.
619) If you get in a fight and get hurt, you run away screaming, "man-flesh threatens!" or "our god is tested!"
620) You practice archery, and are surprised that the bow doesn't work nearly as easily as in Thief. (That actually happened to me)
621) You no longer believe in shrapnel.
622) You've ever knocked out your dog in fear that it was a burrick.
623) Someone has asked where your boss is, and you answered, "down in basement counting his loot, as always," without realizing what you said.
624) You've thought of burrick-hunting as a career choice.
625) You've heard someone talking in the night, and yelled "sneaksie is about!"
626) You've ever tried tomb raiding under your stairs.
627) You think the millenium bug has something to do with the Metal Age
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:52
Sharga:
628) You knew Paz was going to say that.
629) You wear a patch over your eye and say that it was torn from you.
DeepQantas:
630) You start to see how unrealistic Thief really is. Of course, because of your own experiences.
Paz:
631) You knew Sharga was going to say th.......arrrggghhhh i'm trapped in a paradox. Help!
Ace:
632) Before you go to bed, you attempt construct a water arrow with a stick and a sponge so you can put out the lights.
633) One morning, you realise you can't remember the difference between a rat, a bat, a monkey, or an ape.
chickenlittle:
634) after sneaking around the local bank for a few hours you walk up behind one of the tellers and whisper"you should really get some hammer built security in here"
635) you use your homemade set of lockpicks to to break into the banks vault and you would have takin the money but unfortunately it didnt light up
SecludedMemory:
636) When you realize Paz's favorite group is The Cure
637) When you go to church and here the object above the alter start to talk
638) When you try to eat Doritos as quietly as you can
Fred Chook:
639) You, once again, scream 'They're cats! CATS! CATS! THEY EVEN SAID SO!' at Ace.
DeepQantas:
640) You have a seven pointed star (heptagram) painted on your floor.
Sharga:
Hey good one Ace. Sorry for the confusion Paz, but I knew you would say that...
641) When playing a racing game you hide in a dark tunnel and ram anyone who is passing by.
642) You wonder if it is possible to genetically alter a frog so that it will explode upon impact.
643) You notice that after beating Thief there is no sign that says, "No animals were hurt in the making of this game."
Cuttey:
Hey DeepQ! Who you callin' a wimp?
644) You try hiding in the shadows on Tomb Rader but the animals always find you. You would also gladly trade your magnum for a gas arrow.
Sharga:
645) You run into some spider webs and you instantly turn around to look for red spiders.
646) When you sit down at the dinner table you realize that you left you gas arrow in your back pocket, but it's too late... You wife comes in and finds everyone unconscious.
JefferyEMP:
647) WHenever your boss cathes you playing thief on a laptop during a meeting, you hit the restart button you had tatooed on your arm
Gage:
648) Every day for lunch you have a deer leg, an apple, a wedge of cheese, a loaf of bread, and some wine in a golden bottle.
Chimpy:
649) you can think of something original to add to this.
Ace:
650) One morning, you wake up to find you're feet have suddenly gone really pointed.
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:53
mokkis:
651) Since I saw a spider first time in thief, I have scared real spider for death.
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:54
mokkis:
652) You like so much editing by dromed, that you go to get from sshock2.com screenshot of dromed. It's really there!
carcassone:
653) Your are surprised when the door to your local library is unlocked!
654) You find yourself hiding when you turn on a light switch and wondering what other traps you may have triggered.
655) You find it uncomfortable using the front door.
656) You are afraid to look up when in a big city for fear of a much reduced frame rate.
657) You find yourself posting more and more entries to the top 1000 list...
Keeper Mallinson:
658) At the very sight of a certain jumping amphibian you run away screaming
659) You're in the park on a windy day; you're walking by a tree; one of its talons/branches brushes your shoulder; you jump and scream, and say, "Hey, what did you do with my eye, you little bitch!"
660) You go around work mumbling "I don't see why I have to walk around in the cold and the dark and the damp..."
The Cloaked Wolf:
661) Whenever you walk in your kids' bedroom and see one of their toys that glows in the dark, you immediately feel the urge to pick it up and add it to your "inventory".
662) Whenever you're up in the middle of the night walking to the bathroom only to encounter your sleeping cousin slowly advancing towards you mumbling in his sleep, you immediately start running frantically back down the hall and tearing through the house like a maniac to lose him, mistaking him for a zombie that must be outrun.
663) You learn that Apple computers can't run Thief, so you plot a raid on their company's headquarters, complete with black cloak and all necessary equipment.
664) You wonder how many more people will accidentally repeat others' suggestions for this list in the future.
665) You have a portable computer system built to wear like a suit, including a battery on your back and a miniature monitor placed before one eye, so you can be playing Thief 24 hours a day everywhere you go no matter what.
GraphiteRod - JB:
666) (Somehow, that's an appropriate number for a Jimmy Page fan.) Hope this isn't a repeat... You set your computer to defrag in order to FORCE yourself to get a breather from the game.
The Cloaked Wolf:
667) You develop a bizarre fetish for plants.
Heeheehee.....
Rolander:
668) You hop on the spot to get people's attention...
Chimpy:
669) You accidentally knock something over in your house and immediately run to the shadows thinking you've alerted some guards.
670) You hear someone coming and you look around trying to find a visibility gem.
671) When someone sees you you are confused because you can't figure out how to push the load button.
GraphiteRod - JB:
672) When you KNOW there are malicious people out there trying to lead new people on, not just *think* there are. And you don't find it funny, or intelligent, just discouraging to new friends.
Paz:
673) You're guilty as charged
Sorry everyone I confess, don't trust a word I say. It's all lies.
But seriously, no-one really believed me did they?
Fred Chook:
674) Thanks to all the stories of only holy water releasing the souls of felled undead, you attempt to do the humane thing and only use it, and thus get annhialated.
675) You reason that flash bombs should do so, since they're made by the Hammers and thus holy, and mines as well. You no longer get annhialated.
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:55
GraphiteRod - JB:
676) You go to a Harley Davidson store to spend $30 on fingerless gloves that you'll probably never use... but it's OK, 'cause you still get to lust after the Harleys while you're there.
Paz:
677) While visiting various places of historical note, you find the urge to steal antique gold plates and the like almost irresistable.
thief731:
678) When someone purposely does something to hurt you in some way, you casually say, "Meant thou that to pain me?"
679) You start you own local chapter of the Hammerites.
Keeper Mallinson:
680) You're too busy playing Thief to keep replying to this post, even though you finished the game like 10 times already!
Lytha:
681) You haven't played Thief for a while now, because you have found other, more important, things to do. But you are still able to name the location of every piece of loot in the levels.
682) You are also able to walk through the missions completely, just imagining them in your mind.
683) You can also replay the conversations of the Guards in your mind.
684) You have still these dreams, where you are Garrett, and are on a burglary somewhere.
685) In this forum, you know immediately which pieces of loot an asking new member of this forum misses, when he asks for "the last 125 loot in THC", or the "last 100 loot in Undercover."
686) You wonder when the first one will ask for the "last 100 loot in Escape."
687) You decide with an evil grin not to tell them the location of these two pieces of loot then.
688) After contributing some points to that list, you wonder if you can't play Thief in the next week, because you enjoy it so much that you find the first 4 points of my list here in your reality.
Keeper Mallinson:
689) (If you haven't completed RTC yet): you don't find Vikctoria quite so sexy anymore. (If you have): you find Viktoria sexier than ever!
Ace:
690) You run into your house to your bedroom and sprint out again, desperately trying to do it in under 50 seconds.
Keeper Mallinson:
691) Heheh I just read Soulstripper's post after # 263. He said "Heh, I knew we would never reach 500." *cackles*
Angelofdeath:
692) every time u see a frog you start running away and screaming " oh my! where is that broadhead arrow"
Jimmy the Hand:
693) When your dog comes sniffing around the corner you have the urge to put an arrow through it's neck.
Sorry if this is already posted. I read up to #265 and got too damn tired.
Lytha:
694) After messing around with the dromed, a relative long break from Thief, and another relative long break from the dromed, you are again playing Thief. Walking through the first few missions, you realize a few things: You are definitely not out of training, no matter that you paused for a long while.
695) You understand now, how Looking Glass, or at least Dorian Hart, created carpets. You wonder if his method had advantages, or if your method is equally okay for the polycounting.
696) You need a very long time for each of the first few missions, because you look so intensively at the textures and their sizes.
697) You do this in the classical "Lytha-style", and enjoy the "I wonder when they are gonna bring me my dinner" as a nice background-"music" for your texture-tourism tour through the levels.
thief731:
698) It takes you four hours to play Assassins because you reboot five thoundand times, each time taking care of Ramirez a different way.
699) You are surprised when your girlfriend turns you down on the "all-night Thief marathon" that you've been contemplating for weeks. Now THAT's a way to get down an' dirty.
700) You respond more than once to this thread.
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:57
ssyladin:
701) When you lean around a corner to shoot out a torch around and fall out of your chair.
And MAN! did that hurt! ;-)
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:59
Downward Spiral X:
702) You remember when this thread started and thought that nothing would come of it and it would die!
BTW, what ever happened to Soulstripper?
Garrett88:
703) You have posted on 4 different names now! WOW. I remember when Lytha reached 1500 posts!
Saneth:
704) You have a real-time debate with a guy with too many different nicks (3-4 different nicks has he, this Anti-Light! 2 are 'nuff for everyone! ) if all personalities of him are indeed the same RL-person.
705) You do this debate with both of your own identities.
Lytha:
Hah, at last! I knew that she wouldn't resist to post something in this thread!
706) You are happy as a pink froggie, because you're now one of the few people, who posted in this thread with 2 different identities.
Snoman:
707) You make the first reply to this post back on FEBRUARY 12TH and it's still goin. I just have to say BUILDER HELP US ALL.
Fred Chook:
708) You think people who have multiple identities are nuts.
Fred Chook:
709) You're a different Fred Chook to that last one.
Kyran Ward:
710) You happen do notice that buttering a piece of toast generates exactly the same sound as walking on the red gravelly stuff outside Ramirez's manstion in Assassins.
Eon:
711) You wake up to some terrible ringing noice and thinks it's the guards sounding the alarms in Thief. And then it's your alarm clock!
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 18:59
Paz:
712) You notice that this thread has a fundamental grammatical error in it's title, and should be called '1000 clues that you have been playing Thief way too much'.
(Actually it should also be '...far too much', and not 'way' but perhaps that's just the Anti-Americanism side of me talking...)
713) You've made this topic stretch to twelve(!!!) pages.
Jimboy:
714) You sit in your office with the lights off and read this entire thread from start to finish (just did it!!!) cause you're not allowed to play Thief at work.
715) You curse when you notice light sources have covers cause it means your home-made water arrows won't work.
716) You turn off the engine of the car so you can sneak up your driveway.
717) You actually get plans of your former University so you can Dromed a level based on it (guilty of this one as well!)
Keeper Mallinson:
718) You have a reoccuring dream where you're the Trickster, and Viktoria's hovering over you on the bed in your mansion. You try and move, but the vines protruding from her hands fasten you down. Well, being a story-writer, I'd go into more detail, but I'm sure Dig and Lytha wouldn't approve of the content.
Angelofdeath:
719) you have nightmares of Viktoria and the trickster hunting you down:0
Lytha:
720) Even though you got a SS2-infection and visit their forums now, you wouldn't add something to their 1000 clues list, because many of the comments there are far too competitive. They want to have more clues than we have here -- that can't be!
721) While re-playing Escape, you hear that the Apebeasts speak with the voice of Watts.
722) You are scared shitless, when Garrett says some of his comments, because he sounds like Diego, and you think that he is right behind you.
723) You want to replace the wrench in SS2 with a blackjack.
724) After a little bit of training, you want to replace the sword in Thief with the wrench.
Fred Chook:
725) After only using a sword for so long, you find yourself only using a sword in other games, and being dissapointed that it's only a rotten weapon for when you're out of ammo, or suchlike.
Mr Croft on 4/11/1999 at 19:01
SecondSkin:
726) Your friend goes to Burger King to get you one of those flashing Halloween Eye-basher things and jokes about how you "might need it" while playing Thief.
thief731:
727) Your hands are burnt for m your frequent attempts to fill a glass cup with fire, thus creating a fire arrow.
728) You can't seem to stop referring to your pets as "Novice".
729) You are surprised to see that your burps aren't green.
730) Although you could recite them word for word, you purposely but the "tips" at the beginning of each level just so you'll "have more stuff to stack".
731) You honestly hope this list will make it to 1000.
732) You go out of your way so you can have the number in your name!! Woo-hoo!!
GrizZz:
<center><img src=http://members.home.net/grizzz/GrizZzDV.gif alt='[DV] GrizZz'></center></p>
</p>
733) You come to the Thief boards, and read this entire thread, thereby killing an entire Sunday morning...
Keeper Mallinson:
734) You experience Thief related Deja-vu (read #'s 493-499)
735) You round up a kitchen knife, a broken q-stick, a collection of pointy sticks, and a your kid's toy bow and ambush your local Parliament building. Yes, I know it's a little stale, but come on guys, keep the list open! You're all geniouses! We've though up of 734 great answers, we can come up with 266 more!!
Lytha:
You know that you have played Thief for far too many times when:
736) You have seen in Bafford's, how the Servant from the streets opens the doors and enters whistling the mansion - while you are already in the inside, sitting in a shadow in the entrance hall.
737) You know exactly in Bafford's, how far a Servant in the "puppy-mode" will follow you, and in which areas he will not set his feet.
738) You are annoyed because the Servants in Bafford's seem to be able to open the northern gate from the outside.
739) You know the colours and the pattern of colours of the boots of the Guards in Bafford's from heart, because you have once convinced one of the Guards to follow you into the sewers, where you locked him behind the gate.
740) You have fed the Guard that you locked in the sewers with an apple.
741) You have enjoyed munching some carrots infront of the gate in the sewers, behind which you had locked a Guard.
742) You manage now to reach an area where you can hear the conversation between the two Servants in Bafford's, with grabbing the CopperCoinStack, before their conversation begins.
743) You wonder why arrows are stuck in the stone walls at the entrance of Bafford's, as if the walls were made of wood.
744) You enjoyed the jump from the *very* top of Bafford's mansion into the pool.
Next map:
745) You have seen how the imprisoned Hammerpriest attacked and killed Cutty.
746) You have a screenshot with an alive (but asleep) Cutty at the start position of Garrett.
747) You have a screenshot with an alive (but asleep) Cutty, a Basso, a Nammon, a rotating skull, the skull of an Issyt at the start position of Garrett.
748) You have seen how Cutty saw the body of Basso while an alarm, and how Cutty went out of the cell, searching for you, the "murderer".
749) You are annoyed of the fact that Hammerites call you a murderer, whenever they see you how you rescue Basso - without having anyone killed or blackjacked so far.
750) You develop the poor habit to close the cells in Cragscleft again, after you stole and grabbed what you needed from them. And you do this in the 0-damage-approach.
751) You have tried to drown the Novice, and only him, in the right part of the Barracks.
752) You have several screenshots from a sitting skeleton with a skull beside the bones, and the skull is still rotating around the z-axis.
753) You have found a way to lure all 4 Zombies to the Hammerites at the stairs, to make sure that the Zombies will win.
754) You were able to convince a Zombie to follow you into the cell blocks.
And the next:
755) You have seen how one single Zombie killed all the Burricks in the main Burrick cave infront of the Horn.
756) You are now able to do the jumps to the Marad and to the Mystic's Heart, without dying even one time.
757) You have danced with the Haunt at the Mystic's Heart, and enjoyed it.
758) You are slightly annoyed because the teleporter doesn't teleport items from your inventory or the Haunt.
759) You have a screenshot with all of the dead Tomb Raiders at the starting position of Garrett.
760) You enjoy running to the shortcut exit of the map, but instead of leaving it there, you enjoy jumping into the pool ahead of you. You giggle while you fall, and you don't have to reload when you do that, at any time.
761) You are able to convince at least one of the Burricks in the first huger Burrick cave to commit suicide in the bugcloud, without even having to have a look at the events there.
762) You enjoy triggering all the traps at the Mystic's Soul, because the arrows, the blue glue thingies and the fireballs are such a wonderful view from the railing of the stairs.
763) You have a statistic about the odds that the rope arrow in the room with the speaking face will not work anymore as soon as you have grabbed the gems.
tbc...